Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Sorry, LT. That sounds so frustrating! HUGS Kit

Ugh... that's a really damaging thing for him to say. You're trying to believe the best in people...and that doesn't help.

Thanks, Kit!

Thanks, Lost. And yes, that's a good point--I tend to believe the best in people (other than myself). He's more of a cynical realist. I'm not sure how that viewpoint is helpful to clients in general.

I was also talking about how I'm converting steps to miles, so I'm including steps I take in the house or a store (I said on the Facebook fundraiser page that I'm doing this, so I'm being transparent). I said what my conversion rate is, and he doesn't think that's correct. He also said steps inside the house are shorter, so should count for less mileage. Like, WTF? Is he the charity fundraiser police? It's not like I'm claiming I ran a marathon. Can't he just be happy that I'm trying to be active and encourage me? Sigh...

LT - Dr. T is wrong. I know we're online friends, but I truly believe in you, that you can do it. It's not a lie or an exaggeration. And if for some reason, you are not able to meet your goal, I will still be proud of you because the effort and determination it takes work on a big goal like this.

Aw, thanks, Scarlet, that means a lot!

LT, I feel the same way. I think Dr T rather missed the mark on this one.

You have so much support from the Couch that I hope it drowns out Dr. T's idiocy on this particular matter.

LT, I’ve been trying to myself back to walking daily , you inspired to get myself out there today, and it felt good!
And I was thinking maybe all of us MSF cheerleaders should start a thread and we can write daily supportive words for you!

Aw, thanks, Artie!

Thanks, Lost. Support from some Facebook friends on the fundraiser page, too.


I'm not sure what Dr. T's issue is with this. Maybe he needs next week's vacation...

LT- I also try to get out and walk at least once per day. Even if it's just for 15 minutes. It's such a healthy thing to do and I always feel better after a walk. I think it's great you are challenging yourself to increase your walking mileage.

Honestly, this walk-a-thon challenge sounds like such a safe, achievable and low-stakes challenge that I'm shocked your therapist wouldn't support it. I mean, what's there to lose?? Truly it's a win-win no matter how many miles you go, right?

And if he were concerned that you may be too hard on yourself then he might have used this as a great therapeutic opportunity to work on self-compassion, goal setting, and maybe some stuff related to your relationship with so-called "failure"- and how to increase your tolerance for disappointment....rather than just say "Well LT, I doubt you'll be able to complete the whole challenge so you shouldn't even try."

Ugh. what a horrible thing for anyone to say. Let alone a therapist. I would be heartbroken to hear that my T had so little faith in me (not just in my ability to walk the miles but also in my ability to survive the disappointment should I not be able to get to 100 miles). He's basically planting the idea in your head that you will probably fail -in both the physical and emotional aspects- so it's not even worth the effort of trying.

Furthermore, for him to suggest that your friends are being insincere with their encouragement- and that they're probably secretly thinking you will fail. Yikes, now he sounds just like my abusive mother. Be careful, that sh** will become a voice in your head. Please don't believe (or internalize) a word he's saying. He's wrong.

I am probably of cynical realist bent. I do believe people are not telling me what they really think or are just not paying any attention when they say such things to me. Not because they are bad or meaning to lie as such but because it is meaningless words that people say to each other. Part of my job is telling people I believe in them when in fact I doubt a lot of it. Sometimes they do surprise me and do well. To be honest - I would not look to others to be encouraging or whatever - some other person saying something like "you have this" is not useful or meaningful to me in any way. I don't understand why you care what the therapist thinks if you think this is something you want to try - super try it then. To me it looks like a lot of energy gets spent on the therapist rather than on just going and trying it if you want to do it.

Haha...could be he really needs that break!

Glad I inspired you!

Thanks, Inky! I'm hoping this can become a habit that I stick with (even if it's fewer miles).

I did tell him something similar today about how maybe this could help me realize that it's OK not to be perfect. That if I'm partway into the challenge and realize I'm not going to meet the goal, that I keep walking anyway and do what I can. And to deal with that. And he was like, "Hm...OK."

And yes, the friend thing bothered me! I'm more incredulous at to what he said than believing it. I mean, maybe *he's* lying when he cheers his friends on, but I'm not when I'm supporting my friends/family. And I'd like to think my friends are more like me.

My mother has put plenty of negative stuff in my head already, including about not being good enough to do certain things I've considered doing. So I really think that's why this is particularly affecting me--and I told Dr. T that I don't think my reaction is all about him, that some of it is about my parents.

Like, when I applied to the PhD program a few years, I didn't tell my mom for a long time because I didn't think she'd support me (H did, and that's what mattered). When I ultimately got rejected, after making it to the interview stage, her response was "Don't you think they would have preferred someone more experienced anyway? Like, how is that supposed to make me feel? So, yeah, I think there's some negative transference stuff going on for me. But I'm not going to let it affect whether I do the walking thing.

For the record, I have nothing against cynical realists. Though I'm pretty sure you wouldn't opt to become a therapist.

I think some people just want to hear that others believe in them, whether it's the truth or not. I assume you're referring to your students, so maybe they just needed those words. Whereas others wouldn't care what others think.

And I am doing the walking thing no matter what he says. I'd already signed up for it before telling him about it (and created a Facebook fundraising thing--all the money goes to the American Cancer Society, not me). Today, he was telling me to maybe pick a different one, but I said I'd already done it and gotten donations--I'm sticking with it. So, not letting him sway me.

I meant to also say, that you have inspired me to get out and walk on at least one of my breaks every day. The extra sunshine has been doing me righteous the last couple days. So thank YOU!

I wonder why he would care which charity you choose? Interesting. Anyway, the some people want to hear that others believe in them - for me, I know it's because I need all the help I can get drowning out the negative voices in my head that tell me I can't do anything.

And now I am going for a walk, as I just logged out of work 8 minutes ago and could use a dose of sunshine.

Oh, he didn't care about the particular charity--it was about the length of the challenge. Like if it was 50 miles, he said that would be more doable for me.

And yes, I think it's about drowning out negative voices in my head, too--whether the voice of others or my own critical voice.

Enjoy your walk! I did go for one earlier today, too.

LT - my brother's reaction when i wanted to apply to graduate school was, "They're all going to laugh at you!" Which is straight out of the movie Carrie. Btw, i started but did not complete two masters programs, one in computer science and one in business administration. Some people are just butts.

Ugh, sorry you dealt with that!

Ugh I hate doing taxes with h being self-employed. That is all.