Short Discussion

I asked T if I could go from one time a week to two times a week a couple weeks ago. He said we could discuss it. I asked him today if I could see him twice a week. He said, "No." Then it was time for me to leave. I'm going to buy him a stamp that says REJECT and tell him just to stamp it on my forehead each session.

awwwwwwwwwww. thats horrible. I wish he would have timed that discussion better.

"No" doesn't sound like much of a discussion. Is that all he said? No reason given why you can't have two sessions? I can see how that would be hurtful, especially after your mustering the courage not once, but twice, to discuss this difficult topic. It seems he could have handled this with more grace.

Maybe you could ask him his reasoning on not wanting to see you two times a week. That does not seem to be an unreasonable requst.

BB

*hugs* if wanted

That would make me really sad, especially since he said he'd "discuss" it with you, but then just laid down the law instead.

I had a few experiences like that with my T and it was a big trigger for me. I started to respond to her like she was a controlling, all-powerful figure. In other words, I threw a tantrum and railed against her, telling her that she didn't give me any choice in it... instead of talking through it like an adult and an equal, who expected to be heard. I tend to get better results when I can stay more calm, express my feelings, and expect T to be reasonable with me.

I suggest you bring it up calmly and in an adult manner with your T, and ask for his reasoning. If you feel like he might be willing to negotiate and work with you, maybe you can ask him to reconsider? Maybe he wouldn't. Unfortunately that's a hazard of dealing with other people: sometimes they can't give or be what we want. And that's disappointing. & it's all the more upsetting when you have a history of not getting your most basic needs met. (I don't know your history of course)

Best of luck to you

I suggest you bring it up at the start of your session next week saying something like, "I was disappointed that you said we can't meet twice a week; would you share the reasons you said 'No' with me?"

He told me a couple of weeks ago that he didn't want to become my talisman. But then he told me we could discuss it. I am throwing a big tantrum - I sent him an email full of anger. He hasn't called me today nor has he sent me an email. I think it's a good idea to talk to him in an adult manner, but I honestly don't know if I can control my anger. I feel like going in, dropping to the floor, beating my fists on the floor, and yelling loudly enough to disturb everyone in the building, LOL. But how do you get up and leave after doing that? Do you just get up, wipe your jeans off, and say I'll see you next week? I guess I'll have to keep my composure

I was walking down Connecticut Avenue in Washington, D.C., very close to the National Zoo, very busy area, and decided to lie down on the sidewalk to see what the world looked like from there. My poor friend who was with me (we were just coming from group therapy) stayed with me and actually sat down next to me, totally bewildered and out of his normal comfort zone? LOL. People kept stopping on the sidewalk to ask him if I was all right I feel badly for him now. But yeah, if you can ignore people around you, go for the floor tantrum thing! Then just get up, dust off your jeans and leave with your head in the air?

Either that or make a charm that vaguely looks like your T and when he asks, tell him it's your new talisman.

lol - if you DO do that, I wanna see the mp3 of it =)

I also think a better reasoning and discssion is warrented.
And HELLO! He IS your tallisman - as are all our ts to us. If we didn't NEED them, we wouldn't flippin BE there!!!

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Soliaree said:
He told me a couple of weeks ago that he didn't want to become my talisman.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think a T being a talisman is a good thing--shows you have internalized the T. Maybe he means he doesn't want to be your crutch? He wants you to be able to go a whole week without meeting him face to face? I think some T's also worry that they will take advantage monetarily (or be pereceived that way) of needy patients by scheduling them more than is standard, so they guard against that by sticking to one time per week. However, your T gave none of these reasons! I would try to discuss further with him. I think part of your anger is because he didn't adequately explain himself.

I'll never understand why some therapists can provide a safe environment and some struggle with it.

That was not a discussion at all. In fact, he seems almost child-like "no"...

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and decided to lie down on the sidewalk to see what the world looked like from there.

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Perna, I'm ROFL!!!!!!!!!!

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make a charm that vaguely looks like your T and when he asks, tell him it's your new talisman.

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What a great idea, and creative to bat I could buy some pins to put in it if my T wasn't doing things to my expectations, LOL. A talisman and vodoo doll in one.

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lol - if you DO do that, I wanna see the mp3 of it =)

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Okay, Kiya. You'll be the first to see it, LOL. My emotions change from one moment to the next lately, so you never know, LOL!

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And HELLO! He IS your tallisman - as are all our ts to us. If we didn't NEED them, we wouldn't flippin BE there!!!
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Excellent point! Hallelujah!!! LOL

Sunny,
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I think a T being a talisman is a good thing--shows you have internalized the T.

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I agree! What's wrong with T, what's he thinking?

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I think part of your anger is because he didn't adequately explain himself.

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True. A lot of the anger also comes from the fact that he has the power in the relationship. So, he can dictate how much or how little I see him. I feel so powerless. Ughhhhhhhh.

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In fact, he seems almost child-like "no"...

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It does seem that way, you're right! I emailed him about this issue. It will be interesting how he handles it. I'll bet a million that he doesn't give in.

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Soliaree said:
I'll bet a million that he doesn't give in.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes, but maybe he will give you an explanation in an adult-to-adult fashion. I think our T's owe it to us to try to treat us like adults (even though we can make it hard sometimes!). A parent says to a child, "no" without explanation. An adult explains his reasoning to another adult. Soliaree, if he won't give you an explanation, maybe just say, "sheesh, I wish you would treat me like an adult once in a while, I'm not your daughter, you know."

I usually feel better when I have fully communicated with someone over something important to me. I can feel respected and understood, which I prefer because it makes me feel good personally, regardless of the outcome.

After the hardships I endured, it is important to express myself and receive respect for my thoughts and/or feelings.

In case it's an issue for you too, I thought I'd mention it.

I struggled for years before I actually learned to speak up for what i need, then to actually use the tools in an effective manner - well - that took time too, and some mistakes.
But I really gained from seeing eye-to-eye with individuals, agreeing to disagree, if necessary, but most importantly, not having all the old fears.

Good luck on your next request for an explanation and solution.

Peace

Sol,

I definitely think you should pull the temper tantrum thing. I would be the perfect response to his "no." In fact, you two are so attuned that your fantasy of having the tantrum is probably a response to his flat out no.

I also think Almeda was right. T was acting like a child here, not you. I think you should tell him to "use his words" to explain himself--just like
you would do with a pre-schooler who is walking around the house saying no to everything.

I go twice a week to therapy--now I am afraid he'll kick me out.