Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

This may be an unpopular opinion but I just saw Amazon is telling their employees they need to return to the office full time next year or be fired.

That should be the same for therapists. Way too many therapists take advantage of telehealth.

I'm sorry I called

What is the downside of therapists using Telehealth? It might work well for people in remote areas

I'm not the OP, but...

My biggest gripe with telehealth is that you have connectivity, but not connection.

The emotions that are the essence of therapy are more easily accessed and tended to when the client and the therapist are in the same physical space.

Dear T,

My lungs??? I never said anything about my lungs. And this illness just came on quickly Friday night--I hadn't mentioned it before. I assume you're confusing me with another client, which hurts. I hope an email about moving to virtual doesn't become some sort of rupture...I really just thought you'd say "Sorry you're sick--virtual is fine." Not something about an illness I don't have?

Love,
LT

At the risk of derailing the thread even further, I want to say that this is not universal. It certainly isn't true for me. The distance and control of remote sessions allows me the space to work very meaningfully - being in the same room and being vulnerable with her is often too claustrophobic. I appreciate being in person for embodied and spatial work, but I don't need that every week. My work and her modality (Gestalt) is deeply relational and focussed on contact; this is not compromised by working online.

Personally, I like having both options with the same therapist. I nearly always prefer in person. But for instances like today, when I'm sick, I like that I can still have a session--otherwise, I'd probably just need to cancel. Or if I'm out of town. Or if virtual just fit better in my schedule that day. However, it would bother me if my T kept switching to virtual randomly and/or at the last minute. I guess I like it when I can be in control of it.

I understand that for many, for assorted reasons, including if there aren't many T's in their area, they don't have transportation or would prefer not to travel there, etc., virtual would be preferable.

Note that part of why I prefer in person is that my husband works from home. I take steps to make it as private as possible (different floor, door closed, sound machine outside door), but it still doesn't feel as private as when I'm sitting in my T's office. I also like the separation of home and therapy, having a dedicated space for the therapy and a transition (driving) to go home, rather than, "OK, immediately back to real life."

Hi R,

Apparently I still need three times as much support even though we're back in the same room.

How the hell does that work...and why is empathy (something I've never had to ask from you before) something that I feel I have to request about this?

How do you ask for empathy anyway?

I have too many reasons to be pissed off at the moment, and I don't like it.

Lost

Im a phone girl. My best sessions with my t were on the phone, but there were only a couple. I grew up on the phone. But it goes straight to the brain. Left ear, right brain, emotional hit.

I think I would have much preferred zoom appointments. I hated going to their offices

*insert expletives here*

I posted it into the wrong topic. I am not awake yet.

So smart. He keeps you from missing me.

Will I actually meet with you on Thursday or will you have another excuse to do telehealth?

I don't want to be nervous about seeing you tomorrow, and yet I am.
What do you remember about my current grief landscape?

Dear T,

How could you not clearly remember the DMZ thing??? That analogy had a lasting negative effect on me. Not sure if we should talk about all this more on Friday or not.

And it's OK that I got emotional near the end. I know you said you wish it was earlier, so we could have talked through it. But I'm not sure what you could have said to make that particular thing better, because it's just a reality of our relationship. It could have just led to me getting *more* upset. My releasing a few tears in the moment is OK.

Love,
LT

When I said I'd cried over 'other things' since I found out...
You knew what that meant, right?

You are lovely.

Sorry for suddenly projectile vomiting in your garbage can for the second time. Thanks for being so cool about it.

Oh that was difficult to hear you say those words today. It was careless of you. You knew that. I know you regretted saying it, but I can't unhear it. All I can hope is that it doesn't stick in my brain. In one small way I am glad you said it, because the physical reaction from me was so sudden, so instinctive, so uncontrolled. A part of me had been worrying that I am putting it all on, but I realised starkly in that moment that this is deeper than me. This is definitely work that we need to do. But, yeah, that was a silly move. I did well to recover from it.

Sticky notes and bullet points are all well and good.
My capacity to feel safe with you suffered from working online and holding that new information in for so long.

It's really important to me that I don't feel forced to change the subject because of the way that we're working.

How do I get my felt sense of safety with you back?

You came up in thoughts the other day. I don’t know why. You and therapy have been out of my life since 2017. I think it’s just probably because I passed the business center where your office is located while running an errand the other day. I so wish the 30 grand I put in your pocket over those few years was sitting in my bank account right now. It’s scary being 45 years old with very little savings.

Going on 8 months since we last met. I wish we'd had a better ending. I still struggle with wanting to say goodbye. I'm not angry anymore, I worked through and let go of that, but I miss having you to talk to. It doesn't help that I'm feeling rather broken again right now. It would be pointless to try to come back, and I don't want anyone else. The short-term t was okay, she got me on the right track to let go the anger, but she felt useless for anything else. I don't know. Maybe I just still miss the you that I now know doesn't exist anywhere but in my head. I don't know.

And ha. I can get away with saying that here.

Dear J-

Thank you for your unwavering support, insight, and empathic presence during our twice a month sessions. After a lifetime of below average therapists I feel like I've finally found that perfect fit.

I also really want to thank you for encouraging me to go live my life and resist that sickening dependence on therapy with which I came to you. It was a chokehold; an addiction that I have finally overcome. You put my needs and my health above your needs and your paycheck. You helped me see my strength and resilience. It feels so nice to know I can go and live my life untethered to weekly therapy while also having you be right there when I need you. Is this that secure base you're always talking about?

P.S. I hope you never stop offering the hugs. Who knew a simple hug could be so life changing? I'm sorry it took me so long to finally ask for one!

That's the thing, you know. The having someone to talk to. When I was at my sister's house, I could talk to both her and her bf, he struggles with mental health stuff too so he understands. I just can't talk to H about this stuff. He can't stand it when I'm not all happy and smiling. So I'm just trying to stay away from him until I feel better. I know I know I know. I do. But I can't. I just can't. And you know why.