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  #901  
Old Sep 10, 2024, 05:50 AM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Hugs to you, Lost.
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Thanks for this!
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  #902  
Old Sep 11, 2024, 11:24 AM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Dear T,

Thanks for all that this morning. The chatting about politics and how dating is today helped get my mind off the surgery and helped me feel connected. And I'm glad you saw my comment on worrying about H as affectionate. Maybe I surprised myself a bit in saying it. I'll try to figure out some way to say that to him once he's not doped up on painkillers.

As much as I'd like to email you an update that he got through surgery OK and is headed home, I won't, as I know that's your preference. I think maybe a big part of making our relationship work is appreciating it for what it is--for what you do give me--and accepting what it isn't and never will be, no matter how much I might want it. (And maybe it's the case for most or at least some other relationships, too.)

I imagine that statement would make you jump up and cheer (if you did that sort of thing--that's more R-like). But those are easier words to think and type than to live. So we'll see. Maybe something to talk about Friday.

Love you,
LT
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  #903  
Old Sep 12, 2024, 03:18 AM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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Hi R,

I'm in a weird space at the moment as regards our relationship.
I can't tell whether you're trying to protect me from the impact of the new understanding, or whether you don't remember what it was.

I wish there was a way to find out that didn't involve an awkward conversation.

See you next week,

Lost
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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  #904  
Old Sep 12, 2024, 10:25 AM
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darkestpart darkestpart is offline
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t,

you calling me (term of endearment) threw me for a loop. where did that come from?

me
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Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
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  #905  
Old Sep 12, 2024, 11:36 AM
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ArtieTheSequal ArtieTheSequal is offline
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I miss therapy with you. Boo. That is all.
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  #906  
Old Sep 13, 2024, 12:44 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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Hi R,

I'm sorry to say that I feel really let down by you regarding your response to my realisation.

I knew the timing wasn't ideal, but I couldn't hold it for six weeks.

Having said that, I'm beginning to wish I had done so.

At least then I would be able to hold on to the sense that you knew what's going on.

Feeling like you don't understand that is a difficult place to be in.

I need you to understand the impact this discovery is having on me.

It might be a new stage, but it feels like I'm grieving all over again without the insulation that shock provides.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
  #907  
Old Sep 13, 2024, 03:58 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Dear T,

I'm sure you could guess I'm struggling with today's session. You probably think it's just about the last half. But I think the disconnect happened right at the beginning. When I talked about having to go to the coffee shop under your old office with D over the weekend. How I was worried I'd be emotional. And you were all, "Put a positive spin on it! Think of the good therapy moments you had there with me and across the street with ex-MC. Change the narrative."

Like, yeah, that's all nice, but I'm not there yet. We still haven't fully talked about the move. I'm not yet in a place where I can smile about the positive things that happened there. Maybe someday I will be able to. But it's been 6 weeks. It felt invalidating. Then of course, there's what came later. I could say it was my own fault for bringing up my insight, but I thought the discussion would go in a different direction. Maybe something more connecting. Instead, it felt like you were driving a wedge in between us. You knew how I'd react to a few things you said.

It's just especially distressing because I felt so connected Wednesday--of course, that didn't have anything to do with the therapeutic relationship. Maybe that's why? But the recent handshake discussion was connecting. I don't know...

Sigh.

Love,
LT
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  #908  
Old Sep 13, 2024, 04:02 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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I'm so sorry, LT.
It sucks when they reach for reframing when we're not ready.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
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Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #909  
Old Sep 13, 2024, 04:30 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail View Post
I'm so sorry, LT.
It sucks when they reach for reframing when we're not ready.

Thanks, Lost. They need to follow our leads on things like that, I think.
Thanks for this!
LostOnTheTrail
  #910  
Old Sep 13, 2024, 04:45 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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'Person centred' therapy has never meant less.

I agree.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #911  
Old Sep 13, 2024, 07:08 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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You scared me so bad! Why are we so often in sync? It's kind of creepy.
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"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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  #912  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 09:54 AM
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ArtieTheSequal ArtieTheSequal is offline
Writing my way through...
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal View Post
I miss therapy with you. Boo. That is all.
Ha. And then I flip to feeling like the stupidest idiot on the planet for staying as long as I did.
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  #913  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 11:21 AM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Dear T,

I'm glad you responded and that you'll reply to the full email tonight.
Possible trigger:

Love,
LT
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  #914  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 02:59 PM
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All I ever asked was what the point was -what was supposed to happen. I never got how talking was supposed to do anything. It did not help at all and I never understood how it was supposed to help. I never understood why blaming my mother was supposed to help. So what? My parents were X - okay even if I agree (which granted I never did) -so what? How does it help? Why is it so hard for you people to explain how to do it and why. I think it is because you people(therapists) just make up crap and hope we don't notice
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Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Last edited by stopdog; Sep 14, 2024 at 03:58 PM.
  #915  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 03:35 PM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
I think it is because you people just make up crap and hope we don't notice
Out of the mouths of babes! If one had parents that as you said above "just made up crap and hoped you didnt notice", then one may be unprepared for adulthood, because your house is made of straw.

I better stop there before i start to make sense.
  #916  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 03:49 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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All parents make up crap - they haven't done it before. Therapists pretend to be trained at something - they just aren't exactly sure what.
But my point was not that parents are imperfect - my point was why won't therapists tell you what the point is for a client to whine about it all the time whilst paying them to sit there and pretend to listen. I am more pro some parents than I am any therapist
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Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
  #917  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 04:02 PM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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To get the client to change their mind about something that they are doing that is not serving them well, but they cant see it that it is hurting them.

Getting somebody to change their mind or their ways is hard - usually the way is prison, right?
  #918  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 04:11 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
To get the client to change their mind about something that they are doing that is not serving them well, but they cant see it that it is hurting them.

Getting somebody to change their mind or their ways is hard - usually the way is prison, right?
I have no idea what you are talking about
__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
  #919  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 06:02 PM
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ArtieTheSequal ArtieTheSequal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
To get the client to change their mind about something that they are doing that is not serving them well, but they cant see it that it is hurting them.

Getting somebody to change their mind or their ways is hard - usually the way is prison, right?
should i be worried that i understood this? just teasing dear una.

I suppose that's why L had to take drastic measures to make me see that she isn't the version of her that I made up in my head, otherwise I'd never have left and boy howdy I should have left a long time ago. She never said anything because hey, she was getting paid, why should she? ha. But anyway had she told me that's what she was doing it probably would not have been effective. It's all a guessing game for me at this point, but it's definitely a possibility.
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  #920  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 06:58 PM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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I would say, why were you focusing on her? Or why did you THINK you were focusing on her. Its never about them. They just give you what you need to grow. Thats why stopdog doesnt need them - she already grown!
Thanks for this!
stopdog
  #921  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 07:25 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Dear T,

How nice of you to bill me for last week's sessions without replying to my email. I know that was for services already rendered, and I'm sure it's much easier to invoice than to reply to my email. But I'm starting to doubt you'll actually reply "this evening" like you said earlier.

I'm not going to say anything unless you haven't replied as of late morning tomorrow. Though that would be along the lines of "don't bother; we'll just talk Monday." I just worry that the last time this happened, it was because you were confused by my email (as you said later) and just kept putting off replying. I gave you an easy out today--saying that if you were too busy or if you preferred to just talk about it in session, then no need to reply beyond acknowledgement--why didn't you just take it?

Maybe you'll reply later tonight or in the morning. It had better be at least somewhat supportive and not some defensive screed. If it's going to be the latter, just say "let's talk in session."

Love,
LT
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  #922  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 08:50 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Dear T,

If you haven't responded in some way before 9:59 tomorrow morning, I'm canceling Monday's session to avoid getting charged. I can't have potential drama in session right before I'm going to a concert with my dad. I hope this isn't a replay of a year and a half ago, when you were annoyed by my email and passive-aggressively kept delaying a response. Then later told me about being annoyed by it. If this is what's going on, just tell me we'll talk in session. Or let me know via email that you're annoyed so I can make my own decision about session.

I hope it's just that you're actually busy. And are trying to take the time to thoughtfully respond. Instead of acting like a child and avoiding it and stringing me along.

Love,
LT
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  #923  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 08:51 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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I guess it's fitting, if there is some sort of drama, that it's around a show by this particular band.
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  #924  
Old Sep 14, 2024, 10:31 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I guess I'll have to take a shower tommorow afternoon and wash my comforter during the day since we're having family over and I haven't showered since yesterday morning.

Idk. I don't want to do much of anything right now including seeing you.
__________________
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And some say we're sinners
But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms

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  #925  
Old Sep 15, 2024, 01:30 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal View Post
should i be worried that i understood this? just teasing dear una.
Dear god yes do
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Thats why stopdog doesnt need them - she already grown!
Haha.
Although -sometimes being dismissive is a plus.
__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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