Couch 252: Kitties and Hawks

Elk should have big beautiful butts.

Once I got them to just sit there and not try to talk - it was not unuseful as a place to rant about the medical treatment of my person because they had no stake in it. With friends -they all had their own emotions about her and what was going on.

Had a weird panic attack during a Dr. T session, almost like an anaphylaxis thing where it felt my throat was closing and I was having trouble breathing. Really weird. I said I wanted to step out for a minute, and Dr. T said he could step out for a few instead if I wanted. So I opted for that. It did seem to help. I texted a friend, had some water, and watched half of a 1-minute calming exercise on the Calm app. I think I just needed a couple minutes to breathe and not feel like I was being observed.

I realized my being upset about yesterday's session was at least partly about my being incredibly stressed in general--stuff with my D acting out, H getting MRI results showing he may need yet another surgery soon, etc. How some of it was about things Dr. T said yesterday, but those was causing my already-full bucket to overflow. Though some of what he was saying to me early in the session was not helpful, so I was like, "Can you just stop talking about this topic?" He did.

It was sort of funny at the end. He asked how I was doing, and I said "better." He said he wasn't sure if he'd said anything helpful. I said maybe just being able to express things in session helped. He said, "So maybe just my being here helped. Or maybe my not being here," referencing his stepping out for a few minutes. Which did amuse me.

Hoo-wah! I got my 14 year badge here. Thats 2 debunked total cell turnovers. I appreciate mmy time here. When i first started, the voice in my head sounded like Helen Gurley Brown writing her editorial column in 'TEEN Magazine. I think i finally found my own.

RIP Norma Swenson - one of the authors for Our Bodies Ourselves.

Those were the good old days.

Have you tried ETF tapping before ? There's a lot of videos, Brad on Youtube is really good and his channel should come up if you google it.

Learning self massage could also help when you're struggling with one.

i haven't tried the ETF before. Thanks for the recommendation! I'll look into the Brad one.

Cool Whip!

Half of my team got laid off today. Life is going to get really difficult for those of us left.

Yikes - I'm so sorry, NP.

Ugh, I'm sorry. Glad you kept your job, but I imagine now you'll be needing to do more work. Will you be getting a new manager, too?

Hugs, Lost, hope you're doing OK.

I was in a kind of alt shop today and saw a sign that read “Live. Loathe. Leave Me Be.”

Cracked me up.

Finally! The antidote to live laugh love! Kinda.

I have no idea what's going to happen. There are meetings tomorrow to discuss changes which is unfortunate because I have therapy tomorrow and then I am having my last meeting with Patrick. I had wanted to go into that with a clear mind and maybe write one last thing to him, but my brain feels like mush. I'm angry and very worried that my job is going to be outsourced to India.

Thanks, LT.

I haven't heard a word from R since our last session, when she said she'd be in touch.
It's hard because she's the only skilled person who can be in the same physical space with me while I am processing these things.

That's great!

Makes me think of a shirt I have that says "I decide my vibe." I put the whole "Good vibes only" thing up there with "Live Laugh Love".

Ugh, that sounds extremely stressful. And awful timing in terms of therapy. I hope you're able to keep your job. (I misunderstood your other post that you thought your job was safe.) I guess with it being today, there's no change you could reschedule the Patrick meeting? Is this in person or virtual? (I recall you saying he was coming to town at some point and gave you that option.)

Sending hugs, if wanted, and good thoughts.

Hugs, Lost. Did she give a sense of the timing of when she'd be in touch? And are you supposed to meet tomorrow, or was this the week she was going to be off? I suppose you could send something saying "Just checking in."

Hi LT,

Thanks for the hugs.
She was told to take last week off, but I would have thought she'd be in touch to confirm the session.

This completely plays into my 'not wanting to be a bother.'

She just messaged me to confirm.

Would have been great not to spend the day in a state, but...you can't have it all.

Glad you did hear from her and that you'll be meeting tomorrow. But I completely understand about how you'd have preferred to have heard sooner, so you could have avoided the anxiety.

"Because 252 is the telephone area code for Kitty Hawk, North Carolina".
I visited OBX a couple times about 2 years ago. Once I was camping for several days and once I rented a place on the beach for a week. There is a nature conservatory in Kill Devil Hills which has about 5 trails to hike. There are fairly large freshwater ponds in the forest. One was covered with green growth and had a squiggly clear line on top which seemed to ask for an explanation. My wife said "I wonder if a snake did that?" 20 yards down the trail a big water moccasin crossed the trail in front of us. So I said " I think so." We saw a couple coming from the other direction and I said "not to scare you, but a big snake just crossed our trail." They said "one crossed our trail too." I saw a local sitting on a bench near the start of the trail and asked her if she often walked the trail. "Almost every day was her reply." So I asked "do you see many snakes?" Just about every day, she said. The conservatory is an amphibious heaven. Turtles, frogs, snakes. Nice place to visit and walk off breakfast.

I was in a house once where an entire wall was covered with signs like “Live Laugh Love” and “Good Vibes Only.” I got out of there quick.