Therapist of 13 yrs moving, suggests I move to his area?

Hello everyone. I suffer from depression and agoraphobia, diagnosis PTSD.
After years of bad therapists, I found a wonderful one who seems me free. He is a psychiatrist, and does the talk therapy.
I feel my progress has been minimal-(ie I am more agoraphobic than ever) He feels I've made great emotional strides, describing me as being an emotional infant at start, and now a adolescent more in charge of emotions.
About the only place I can go w/o feeling anxious is his office.
Now he is leaving the state, and suggests it maybe good for me to get a new start, since I have no emotional support / many traumatic experiences here.
I am confused. I am destitute, so I know I will not find another pyschiatric therapist, (clinics offer psych managment session, often 5 minutes once a month and social worker therapists). I was often institutionalized in state facilities by these programs, and never got meds that helped. (ie was on Lithium 3 years, and I'm not even manic depressive).
But I am also a little concerned this may be indicactive of countertransferance issue. I definitely fell in love w this therapist and was devastated when he married, but we worked it out. I know he is generous to a fault,-since I am on Medicare, he'd rather see me free than be bothered w the bureacracy- so that's unheard of
I want to move, (have no idea how I can financially, will probably end up in a bordering house), but worried this offer maybe more out of guit/ pity/ than sound decision making? Any comments welcomed

Hi, tymell, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

Your situation does sound worrisome, especially since your therapist is seeing you for free because it's inconvenient for him to use the system. If you can't afford to move, you can't afford to move. I don't know that he has done that much for you if you have been seeing him 13 years and are still that dependent on him and don't feel that much better? I saw my therapist 9 years but we worked together and resolved my problems for which I was seeing her. My therapist said I was a "shell" when she first met me but it isn't just emotions and feelings that matter, you have to be able to live.

I would get a clinic/social work help and see if you cannot get some behavioral help. I know some of Maryland's counties have therapists that will come to your home if you're on disability, I would see if your county in NJ does? Check your State site and all resources again; if you have been seeing this guy for 13 years, things have probably changed enormously since you began. I wouldn't move, I would do something "different" and see if you cannot improve your condition from where you are.

Hmmm.....this actually makes me a little concerned.
Here me out.

You say that after 13 years you have made "minimal progress" with this T that you have been seeing, and now you want to move to follow him, although your progress has been minimal.

I hear that you have not had much luck with the other T's in the area, Was that 13 years ago? Might there be new people now?

Personally, I think 13 years is along time for you to feel that you have made only "minimal progress." I am not saying that it is too long for therapy, I once had a T tell me I would need therapy forever, BUT I can say that I have made more than "minimal progress."

Also, if you want to move, shouldn't you move to somewhere YOU want to move, not just somewhere to follow a T? I don't know what your situation is, but I think moving to follow someone else's needs is questionable.

I hope I did not hurt your feelings, I have had BAD T's too and I just want to give you another opinion.

This is indeed a stressful situation. I'm glad that your pdoc says you have made progress, it's very tough for the patient to realize this usually. Are you sure that he wasn't just allowing you to think that you could move also, to help you sort through your options? You do have options. You sound like you are stuck, and you aren't ... but you do need to contact your resources and see if anything has changed for the better in the 13 years...

I know it's a very compelling thought to move when the T moves, especially when you feel no one else cares like T does. Since you have progressed, maybe now you could see another T, and also have a pdoc for your meds? You might be able to, you might surprise yourself.

TC

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It sounds as if you may have doubts about moving and so maybe you can listen to your heart and do know what is right for you?

Can you ask this Pdoc to help get you settled before he goes?

I worry about a relationship that involves moving to be near a T as the ultimate goal is for us to be independent and live our own lives, isn't it?

(Of course if my T moved right now I'd be in his suitcase)

I think this is something to talk more about with your psychiatrist. There are so many questions here about how this would work for you. Talk more about it with him and include your concerns about the contertransference.

I can surely understand your wanting to go where you can get the treatment you need and want. Have you asked if he knows of someone there who could work with you as he has been if you were to not move?

I can see your many reasons for wanting to move. They make a lot of sense.

I think I would want to move, but I can see where staying and making a different kind of new start (with a new psychiatrist) can be a good kind of new start too.

Maybe you have made more progress than you realize. You stated that you have been institutionalized in the past. Are you living independently now?

You mentioned you were taking a drug in the past. Are you off all medications now?

All of those would indicate progress.

On the other hand, moving is stressful for everyone. Is he moving to a city you would like to live? Do you think moving would be in your best interests?

You do have a lot of concerns to sort out. Maybe talking about this with someone else that knows you would be helpful.

I think looking at real world situations can be good - and i know that there are t's out there who can do treatment for $1. a sesson, or $5... or the Y is sometimes free. Perhaps looking at other options (out of the box) can be helpful... You say you are destitute, but you seem to have internet access? There is always therapy online (if that is an option)... I agree with who ever said it might be more about the relationship which is worrying since the point of therapy is to stand on our own....? just thoughts....
hope this works out well for you!!!
Kiya