How can it measure up?

I hate that. I hate when you have such an amazing session that you begin to compare it to all other sessions. Obviously my last session was the most amazing, connected session ever. I have been able to keep him with me since Saturday (I know it's only Tuesday, but this is big for me) and feel the entire time as though he is my therapist, there for me, in my life. Maybe I have never felt like that before so that's why I have always been inclined tom compare sessions and get upset that a particular sessino was not "as good" as a previous one.

There is so much I want to tell him today. Most of all, I want to find out why he took my hand at that moment. What was he feeling? How did he think it would be beneficial? I want to process with him what it felt like for me. Saturday was based mostly on the experience. Today I would like to process it.

And I want him to hold my hand again.

I hate that I hate that I hate that I hate that.

See? I know that I cannot expect that to happen each and every time.

I love him. And I told him. Whoa.

perhaps instead of "measuring up" it can build up - more and more trust and understanding that he really is there for you and that no matter what the session brings, that base, that foundation, is right there - solid.

hope today goes well

it sucks that intensity feels so good doesn't it? It's a high of sorts.. and if you have never understood real genuine love before.. then this is like seeing an oasis when all you've know is desert. It's those moments which can lead to solid foundations when they build as kiya said.. or they can lead to perpetual high-chasing as i see in many people. The difference is often the choices you make. The fanastic vs the sublime... choose wisely.

you're at a cross-roads babe... you have within your grasp real tools to help make real change.. all you have to do is want it, for real. That's not to say there won't be pitfalls... today might infuriate you for all i know... but there is something there that wasn't and something about you has shifted. You may as well reach for it because you can't ever unknow what you know.

honest opinion? (as if i'd give you anything else) i think the increase recently in obsessive cutting, etc... i think it's a desperate attempt by that part of you that was..to hold onto itself, to stay in what it knew vs the unknown. Just mho...

much love doll face... i'll be on tonight.. please contact me.. k?