[krazibean]

I just felt like posting because i feel i need some support/comfort. T called me sunday night and said she needed to reschedule both sessions this week. we picked tues and thurs night at 8:00. (i kinda like seeing her late, when its dark. and also night is when i miss her the most) anyway, i was really looking forward to seeing her tonight. i was in a generally good mood walking in because i was happy to be in her presence. She actually was later coming out then she ever was. over 10 minutes. thats a lot for her, usually its like 5ish minutes late. anyway i didnt mind too much because i knew i was her last client of the day and if i needed she would keep our session going until a smooth time came to end it. (instead of like kicking me out because someone is waiting.)

When i left an hour later. actuallly less than an hour later. she kept me for about 50 mins MAX. usually its an hour to and hr and 15 mins. i knew she was ending because she said. "so are you ok?" i knodded, and just stared at her. then she said, "are you thinking about anything else?" i put my head down and said no. she said see you thursday and i got up and she walked me out. now that i think about it, we didnt even hug! i can't believe i didn't realize that sooner. omg! she must think im mad at her or something, we hug after every session. I think its because the session was so BORING. we were not connected at all. i could have had the same conversation i had tonight with her to a wall. i can't believe i didnt even think about it at the time to get a hug. I really must have felt so apart from her. it was nothing special. no therapy high, no connection, just a flat, dull, boring conversation. oh now i miss that hug, i want to drive to her house and get it. sorry for rambling. i just needed to process that. but now i feel even worse...

[chaotic13]

How about giving her two hugs next week :-) My son got angry with me this week and went to bed without his hug and good night kiss. The next morning before heading out to the bus he gave me two. I could tell it was his way of saying sorry. I accepted it with an extra hard squeeze and a smile. I learn a lot from my kids.

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
krazibean said:
I think its because the session was so BORING. we were not connected at all. i could have had the same conversation i had tonight with her to a wall.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> When I talk to walls :-) they don't "bore" me. I think you might have had something else going on? For me, sessions are sometimes really upsetting and difficult and it's almost nice to get out of them and occasionally there are sessions where much doesn't seem to happen but when I look at them closer I realize a lot happened.

In your session, I find it interesting that you "forgot" to hug when you always hug. I've forgotten to pay my T before (which I do every session right before I leave) because I was angry at her. Maybe you were angry at your T for allowing the session to be like a regular conversation instead of therapy? If I had been you, I would look at what I didn't want to talk about, at what I didn't do to make the session more "exciting"?

[sunrise]

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krazibean said:
I think its because the session was so BORING. we were not connected at all.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">krazibean, your comment about the sesion being boring is very interesting to me. You attribute the boring to the lack of connection. I think that's really insightful. I recently had a larger meeting of 4 that included my T, and my immediate feeling afterwards was that it had been very boring. Maybe this was because I didn't feel connected to T in that meeting (he was not serving as my T so we weren't trying to be connected in that special one on one therapeutic way). I want to thank you for that insight.

Anyway, maybe your saying your session was boring was just a way of saying you wanted to be connected. I think that's OK! We can't be 100% connected every single time. It was also interesting how you answered your T's questions--nodding, staring, putting your head down, giving brief answers such as "no." When I look at that, it seems you didn't want connection. And then you left without a hug. What's going on?

[ECHOES]

((( krazibean )))

Session before last we were talking about attunement and T said "I can't always tell you what you want to hear" and we know I know that; I told her if I wanted that I could by a tape recorder. She said sometimes it will happen and sometimes it won't, but that we could work on holding onto good feelings even if it doesnt happen.

I have also said I worry that she thinks I'm boring. She says not, she has never felt bored with anything i've said. So, that was realy my fear talking and my feeling of boredom.

Those are hard sessions to carry with us until the next time.But she said once in a phone call to remember there is always next session and knowing there will be a next time, thinking about that, remembering that, can sometimes help me.

I like seeing T late too. I think it's cozy

[its_me]

I understand the feelings of not making a connection. My T and I don't always connect during our sessions and that totally puts me in a mood. I know it's not my fault but I'll blame myself for not being open, for not sharing or just for being over protective of myself. Those are the times that I know nothing gets accomplished and that bothers me. It's almost as if 'connection = progress'. After every session, I send an e-mail to my T to critique our session (cuz she always asks me to let her know what I thought of our session), just so we are on the same track and for all those times where I haven't felt a connection - she felt something too. Almost like, the connection doesn't happen if I shut down and in my own way refuse to share. I think it is important to share with your T when you feel that something is amiss... Maybe she wasn't aware of it, or maybe she, unfortunately, had her mind somewhere else - T are human too...

[(JD)]

(((hugs to / for all)))))

Please know that even on those days where you are SURE "nothing" is accomplished in session, that there IS! Therapy is a process and it takes all forms of life discussions to follow that path.

[ECHOES]

That is so true. I have historically had a hard time sticking with it. This T asked early on when I was having a rough time and feeling like I 'wasn't doing well' that I not give up on therapy because it is a process.

Sky your icon is beautiful! I love it.