Do you really ask your T if they are going to abandon you?

Alot of us deal with abandonment fears. Have you ever straight out asked your T if they are going to "fire you", kick you out, abandon you, etc?

you ask such great questions....

yes i have. she explained that it will be up to me when my therapy ends. but i can't help but think she will have some input in it too...

Oh yeah, in so many ways. lol From I'm afraid you will (get sick of me / get bored with me / get fed up with me and my phone calls / get angry with me.. etcl) to I'm thinking of moving and wondering if you're planning to be at this location in the future.

Recently we talked diagnosis and I had to tell her I was afraid the diagnosis would make her not want to work with me. She said (and has repeated) that "I am willing to work with you, barring unforseen circumstances, for as long as it takes."

Still.... hehe.. I will probably ask again. The fear is just so huge it rears up over and over and I find it so much better to just deal with it, get the reassurance I need, so it will go away. Hopefully I will eventually learn to reassure myself and the rearing up will be short-lived.

How about you Riptide, have you asked directly ?

No, I haven't asked. I do know my T said at the outset that he doesn't see clients for longterm therapy (more than 3 years) so termination sometimes lurks in the back of my mind, but not a fear that he will abruptly abandon me. One time he was telling me about a short vacation he took to another city and he mused that he might like to move there. He then told me not to worry, he wasn't planning on this, it was just something he might like to do sometime far in the future. So I feel he is sensitive to my possibly being afraid of abandonment, even though I have not voiced that to him.

Yes, I even told her off a dream I had last week where I recieved an email from her with flowers decorating the edges and her saying, I hope you read this with the good intent that is meant, but I can no longer work with you. Man was I relieved when I woke up and realised it was a dream.

Yes, I probably ask my T that on a daily basis, LOL. He keeps telling me that it is my choice when therapy ends. Of course, I keep wondering if there will be a time when he is so angry/annoyed at me that he will terminate me. I guess only time will tell.

Just yesterday I asked him about 87 times if he was going to be back (he is going to be out of the office for a week). After two and half years of therapy with him, we do talk about how I am still afraid he is going to leave at any moment. I probably ask him, in some form, at least once per session, if he's going to leave me.

i wish mine would leave lol.
but i do get afraid others are gonna leave me and im so scared that if i ask them wether theyre gonna leave me that they will think im clingy as hell, and they wont wanna be with me u no?

oh and pinky, im loving the cute little emoticons at the bottom of your posts. i want one lol!
dot

Occasionally at the end of a session, I lay on the floor and grab onto his ankle while screaming, "NOOO!" and he has to kick me loose..... but that wouldn't count.... would it?

When I was in therapy with Steve he off handedly said once that he was going into private practice and I said why would you go and do something like that? Nothing more was said on the subject and he never did. I guess he was testing me to see how I would handle it if he ever did leave. I wonder how he did when he did leave after he died?

Jbug

my t actually called me this evening to tell me that she's still here and even though my MD is out of town, and instead of having session tomorrow night it will be on wed, that she's not going anywhere and our relationship is right here. that was not only really sweet, but very timely since i was getting all those old scripts of how she doesn't care, is gone, it means nothing, i'm just a pile of dirt....
yay, t cares and hasn't abandoned me.
kiya

yes....and she said "no" very clearly and concisely....although she is confused and struggling to help me she isnt going to drop me unless I leave on my own

I was have fears of him leaving, and just for kicks I actually asked him what he would do if I just sat on the couch at the end of session and didn't move. He refused to answer the question. LOL It makes me want to do it now just out of curiosity. But I've angered him enough for one decade, maybe I'll try later.

My first therapist abruptly left so yes, I had a lot of abandonment issues at first with the present therapist I have. I check it out every once in awhile, not as often as I used to. Today, after my session while I was saying goodbye, he said the nicest thing to me. He said, "I know what you are going through is not easy, and looking ahead to the future is not easy. But I'll be with you every step of the way." That's going to get me through my week. . .

Scott

Last week I asked my T if she was leaving for the first time, even though I've often worried about it. She reassured me she wouldn't and that made me feel a little better.

I worry that my therapist will get sick of me - like Echoes, yeah.

Therapy will end one day. One day I won't see him anymore.

I grieve for that time already.

But maybe I'm less afraid of that than I am afraid that he will emotionally withdraw from me while he is still around. Or that he will emotionally withdraw from me and kick me out because he doesn't WANT to see me anymore (and not because he is moving countries or whatever).

I don't ask him whether he will leave me... But I have told him that I'm afraid that he will. He knows I am. He doesn't tell me he will never leave (I think I'd have a raging tantrum if he lied to me so). But he does reassure me about certain points. That we will be having a session in a few days. Or that we will be having a session in a few months. Or that we will be having a session next year. He reassures me that he isn't getting sick of me. He reassures me that he isn't going to terminate me in the forseeable future.

We really have been getting on well lately. Connecting. Emotionally... I guess it is emotional withdrawal / abandonment that I'm most afraid of. That he will withdraw from me and I'll be all alone (like I was when my Dad left)

yes i have, very directly.... and he was very clear in his response

as you can see though... what they say doesn't carry a lot of water if they decide to change their minds. i was believing T would never change his mind... now where am i?

Yes. And she's told me she will not, but now she's moving away and going to do a part-time practice. I feel abandoned and lied to, really, but I know she has a life, and she can't stop living for us. And she's trying not to "abandon" she is going to work with us as long as possible.

=( ((((((((( stormy )))))))))
is she going to find you a replacement??

I don't think she trusts anyone else enough to work with us!!
She's going to work with us as long as she can... So I'm not sure what that means. If she'll work with us "privately" after she officially 'retires' or what. She's not even 100 percent sure on what she's doing so it's really unstable right now.