[krazibean]

I hate the word transference. it seems to me that its just a fancy term that means, "your in therap so your crazy, therefore its not really happening, its all fake, and the feelings you are experiencing MUST be due to someone else in your life." I personally think thats crap. Just because they are a "therapist" means that the feelings that come up are not true? It has to be because of someone else? What if i met someone on the street and didn't know they were a therapist, would my feelings still be real?

So some say its because of the therapeutic relationship. It's one sided. The feelings you have toward your therapist couldn't possibly be real because...you don't know them, right?

I don't buy it. No, i don't know the intimate personal details of my therapist's life. But i know enough about her to be able to say, i like her as a person. i like her personality. I enjoy her company, and if we met under different circumstances, we would be friends. I don't need to know personal things like her first date experience to be able to say I love her.

I hate the boundaries. And i hate transference. I think it could all be done in real life circumstances. I think the therapist could be a "real" person, and still be able to help. I think my problems would surface either way. I don't need a "blank slate". As a matter of fact, I need a human. If i needed a blank slate, i could talk to my wall for an hour each week. Seriously, screw therapy. I want Humanapy.

It's all a big, fake, pre-determined mess.

what do you think?

Who said that? Transference feelings are real feelings. True, it takes place in a prescribed setting, but I believe that everything that happens in that room, every emotion that is felt, is real.

[krazibean]

I just hate that there is a labeled term for it. Why can't it just be called feelings like it is called for anyone else?

Well because it contains the word "transfer" in it. Even though the feelings are real, you are sometimes transferring real patterns and real feelings onto your therapist. It gives your therapist a chance to see how you interact outside of therapy-- that's where the real work can begin. However, this does not mean that feelings you experience are "fake." Whether you are transferring or not, they are genuine. At least that is what I believe.

[krazibean]

i agree pink. i guess i just don't agree that the therapist has to be a "blank slate" in order for transference and real healing to happen. I think it can happen with anyone as long as the feelings come up and the person is trained to deal/evaluate them.

[Perna]

I think the therapist is more a mirror, krazibean, rather than a blank slate. Therapy is to look at your own stuff, that's why you hire a therapist. Two people's stuff and a regular relationship would be too complicated when you're trying to work on your own stuff. They reflect back what we express so we can both look at that together, better.

i agree.. if the therapist could just "be a regular" person in a regular relationship... well, then you'd have to have it be equal on both sides, and we'd all have to deal with their"stuff"

a good t knows how to mix in enough real... and it doesn't mean every feeling is due to transference... i know there are plenty of things i genuinely like about my T, and things i dont...

something brought this on sweet pea?

I hate these psycho-babble words. Feelings are feelings. I can agree that if a patient is psychotic or having psychotic transferance where they think T is actually that person, that may not be true feelings, but if that is not happening, feelings exist.


I really hate psycho-babble and I think T's use it for some alternative reason.........

[sunrise]

krazibean, if the word "transference" doesn't work for you, then don't use it. I have a real relationship with my therapist, we are very close, and we care a great deal about each other. What's not "real" about that? For me, it isn't transference anymore than it would be transference with a new person I met outside of therapy with whom I used my typical behavior patterns in a relationship. For example, I am not good about telling people my needs in any relationship, no matter if therapy or not. Also, my T is not a blank slate so maybe that makes it different. I know a lot about him. If some people like to use "transference" to describe a relationship that is simply consistent with past relationship patterns, then they can. I just use plain language: "I have a relationship with my therapist and it is consistent with my past relationships." Through our work in therapy together, I am learning and practicing healthier patterns of relating. This has been very healing for me.

Krazibean, I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's just semantics. Use the words to describe your relationship that work for you.

[MissCharlotte]

Krazibean,

I would say the opposite is true. Transference is a fancy word for real. It's human nature to use our real experiences over and over again. All it means is that we transfer what we learned (emotionally) into a present day interaction. It happens all the time. So, in interactions with our therapist, we recreate those experiences we had with our parents (and others). It is through this transference that we heal. Yes, as
Sunny says the current relationship is real. And the hope is to bring more and more of the present to the table through an awareness of patterns from the past. So, think of it as you wish, but don't dismiss the possibility that you could be bringing old stuff with you.

Peace

[Brian37]

its a fake word because Freud coined it and if youve studied Uncle Sigmund you know he was half-baked most of the time anyway.......

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krazibean said:
i guess i just don't agree that the therapist has to be a "blank slate" in order for transference and real healing to happen.

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The days of completely 'blank slate' therapists are nearly over. Yes there are hard core Freudian therapists out there, but for the most part, most therapists engage in the most important form of disclosure, which is emotional disclosure.

[chaotic13]

I think the relationship between the patient and T is real and the feelings a patient has are real feelings. I think a T tries to set aside his/her personal feelings and respond in a therapeutic way regardless of what they may personally feel. So in a therapy relationship what you get back from a T is more of an objective/ helpful response. It may or may not reflect what they are truly feeling; but, luckily that response is given in an effort to help us. We just need to accept this as being part of the therapy arrangement. No matter how much they listen to us, no matter how much they smile and hold eye contact or hug us, no matter how compassionate or empathic they are-- They are not going to be our lover, our mother or father, our close intimate lets go out for a beer and hang out friend. That is simply not part of the arrangement (in most cases).

[MissCharlotte]

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think a T tries to set aside his/her personal feelings and respond in a therapeutic way regardless of what they may personally feel.

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I'm not so sure about this, and I don't think it's necessarily true. I think that a therapist has to be aware of his own issues and therefore any therapist who has not been through therapy, well, cannot do a very good job. However, I think a therapist has to respond to his or her clients with truth.

Although I think I know what you mean, I do believe that for the most part, T's feelings in the moment are real and true and what he is feeling.

[chaotic13]

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Miss Charlotte said:
However, I think a therapist has to respond to his or her clients with truth.

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I agree with this statement. I don't think therapists lie to people. I think being open, direct , and genuine in their efforts to help you are important qualities of good therapy. I think good therapists are good therapists because they can see beyond our shortcomings/problems/pathologies and find at least something likeable or worthy of caring about. Therefore, if a therapist says he/she likes us or cares about us, it is likely the truth.

[MissCharlotte]

YES!
I also think they can take into consideration their own shortcomings, eh? Or, one would hope. After all they are people too!

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Brian37 said:
its a fake word because Freud coined it and if youve studied Uncle Sigmund you know he was half-baked most of the time anyway.......

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this just picked me up....

[sidony]

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mckell13 said:
I think the relationship between the patient and T is real and the feelings a patient has are real feelings. I think a T tries to set aside his/her personal feelings and respond in a therapeutic way regardless of what they may personally feel. So in a therapy relationship what you get back from a T is more of an objective/ helpful response. It may or may not reflect what they are truly feeling; but, luckily that response is given in an effort to help us.

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This is not my impression of therapy (at least not my own). I don't think T is setting aside his personal feelings at all. He doesn't always share them, but sometimes he does. He has feelings for me as I do for him. There are prescribed boundaries to the relationship (obviously our only relationship will be as T/patient), but that doesn't make him distant. He does give helpful responses, but helping me often includes telling me how he feels. And he's not objective -- how could he be with such a one-sided view of my life? But he tries to give me new ways of relating.

Sidony