anyone else's T away?

10 days if you don't count the day i see him

stormy... what is the plan for you? switching to a new T or ???

my t is away too.. for 2 weeks i think....i can barely make it one without her....idk wat im going to do.

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MzJelloFluff said:
stormy... what is the plan for you? switching to a new T or ???

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I really do not know. She wants to take atleast a 6 month break. I do not want to see a new person and start over, especially if she is going to be returning. She said she is going to stay in contact, even while retired, via email. I am hoping, when she is done with her break and returns to part time she will see me again. I figure I can use the "break" to focus on my Master's. But everything is so up in the air right now, I'm afraid and feeling insecure about it all. But she's never failed me before, so I need to have more faith in her.

Yeah here I am, I just wrote him an 8 page letter and want to mail it. I will hold it though. It isn't mean but my moods and thoughts tend to change frequently.

I never feel good contacting him and not hearing back. In this case, he is gone and I'll end up obsessing about him coming back to my letter.

Seriously, why am I putting myself through this? I can just quit and it'll be gone!

well, no lauren.. it wouldn't be gone at all.. it would fester actually. One cannot really do half of therapy. If there are issues opened, you have to resolve them. If it is cut off suddenly then the result is extremely painful. Trust me, been there. Remember that the pain you're wading through is part of the process for you... therapy really is a no pain no gain thing. You will attaint great knowledge of yourself through this pain lauren. Don't give up. T will come back and you will regain that sense of security.

stormy.. you really need to address this directly with her. i know how it is though... afraid to bring it up because it may be less than you want/need/hope for. Considering someone else is awful. i was forced into that and hated it... in the end it worked out. You will have to decide if partial care is what you need... ask her honest opinion on that. If you decide together that you will need more than she can give, perhaps that part time period can be used to work with someone new.. the three of you together. It might ease a transition. i do not envy this for you.. i am so sorry. i hope you will be ok. Does this mean 6 months without any T at all? i cannot imagine that will be easy... many hugs to you

i'm distraught myself... had a very bad time last night. i had this intense set of realizations about the state of my life... and i saw T's advice in a different light. The combination felt like my reality was unravelling... i seriously was afraid of losing my sanity. That has only happened a couple of times over my adult life. Having one's core beliefs challenged can cause this. i also became vividly aware of several serious problems with my current situation and that if i do not make changes rapidly i will be in deep trouble. My life is and has been an illusionary state for several months. i am terrified now. Financially.. i am so very vulnerable and there is a tidal wave just hanging there... i could lose T...


i simply have to cut back on seeing him.. but i really do need him as often as i have been seeing him. i need the 2xweek.. even he has seen that. What i am embarking on with him is intense and i am very sensitive and vulnerable right now. i almost never talk about this... ok, i never talk about this... but i have a different way of thinking, and my "way of thinking" makes me, i believe, also vulnerable to break down. i told T i chose him because i felt as if he could out think me... i know i challenge him. Deeper thinking can lead to profound change and understanding, but it can also mean one can just lose their grip.

(((Fluffy)))

I really get you on the "thinking" dilemma. But it sounds as though you need some rest right now. Is there a way you can get some? Can you read a novel or watch a movie and nap? Sometimes I think we need to take action to disrupt the thinking for a while and let the unconscious work.

Do you need a new anti D? Maybe while T is away is a good time to go to see pdoc and feel cared for in another way?

Hang in there. I know you can.

xoxo

I know you are right Jello I just journaled a bunch of pages and I have some insights already.

Thing is, I'm mad that he forced this on me and I don't want to give him my insights now...I had a major insight today and felt relief. Thought that I couldn't wait to tell him and then I remembered...he hurt me on purpose to get this insight.

Forget it. Its like being played you know...we are going along fine and things are easy for him and then he decides...time to crank it up a notch and leaves me in the bottomless pit of pain for 16 days.

If someone really cares for you do they do this?

lauren.. why do you think he did this purposefully to hurt you? and if you keep these insights to yourself.. how does that "get back" at him in any way? Remember, this is your journey, your process... you don't have to share anything with him, but that won't get you any further ahead either. i understand feeling that way... i've been there, but if you are doing this to get better, then keeping things to yourself is only preventing that process from working. i'm sure he cares... i think he probably did a dumb or forgetful thing... to be honest, if he really wanted to hurt you on purpose there are probably a hundred different ways which would have been more effective, right? If he wanted to hurt you he could say things to you which really would cut. Just something to think about.

yeah i know Miss... i wish i could. My next appt with pdoc is the 9th, after T gets back. One of the non-psych related meds i am on has depression as a side effect (hoorah). Between that and the hormones that are being forced on me (due to the other med) i'm like a fish in a barrell. T told me to just try to hold on and ride it out. %#@&#!... only a man would say that about progesterone sensitivity.

this whole mess is interesting though... pdoc will think so. i thot that the hormone/endocrine stuff was the entire answer, but if that werre true i'd have the exact same patttern each month.. but i don't... just the time frame is predictable, so i am thinking it probably is a combo.. bipolar aggrivated by the hormone issues.

he won't give me an AD.. not now. i had periods of near-manic behaviour off and on recently. He is fond of saying that while depression is difficult, getting hypomanic could ruin my career in a heart-beat. Deression sucks but hypomania is like flaming gasoline. He doesn't understand the depths though... i have been very careful about that out of fear that he would have hospitalized me. We once had a conversation in which he said he felt that if i got worse he thought i should go and i said no way and there was no way he could make me... to which he responded that he could have the police pick me up. i freaked. Since then i generally am judicious... although i know that is self defeating.

i do need a break... desperately. i can't get one unless i figure this financial mess out. i have two choices: give up T altogether or find an increased source of income. It's not that seeing T is an issue exactly, but that amount would make a difference at this point. i am frantic about that.

anyone wanting to send me a dollar, i am accepting all currencies.. no small change please.

i have been trying really hard to think about what T might tell me to do right now... but i go in circles. i see him for a reason afterall. i need some kind of list of what i need to do and then a plan or priority thingy... yeah, i need a thingy.

<font color="purple"> FOUR MORE DAYS!!!!</font>