Ah, screw this/T's funniest line ever/Meditation

Screw this. I am not going to stop posting in this forum just because of the negative reactions that I have gotten (not from you guys). I have never let anyone stop me from doing anything before, so it is certainly not going to start now.

Anyway....

Ever since I have gone off the Lithium my mood has plummeted down to the point of a very deep depression within the last couple of days. I am going to have to get things straightened out with my meds... but until then, I have been relying on T more than ever (if that is even possible) by way of emails and phone calls in addition to sessions.

Today he called me back and I go, "I have a question for you. Am I ruining your life?"

T goes, "No. You are not ruining my life. Besides, if you were, don't you think it would have been ruined by now? If that was the case, you might as well just keep going."

Hahahaha, I really do love him. Damn, T made me start laughing in the depths of depression. He is so good at doing that.

I mean, yes, it was funny, but it was more than that. It just how much he gets me. I love that he is so in tune with my sense of humor and is comfortable and perceptive enough to know that it is completely appropriate to say stuff like that to me at certain moments.... because he knows that I will laugh; he knows that I will appreciate the dry ridiculousness of his comment.

Incidentally, I just meditated and I must have stumbled upon something that finally worked for me (I did it to a guided thing) because it was absolutely amazing. I never had that experience before. I was able to focus and feel a warm, intense energy throughout my body. I came out of it feeling stronger, clearer, and a bit brighter than before. I am going to do it again later.

Oh, neat that the meditation was good for you! That is funny (and practical) that if you were ruining he'd be ruined by now and if it's only in the "middle" you might as well keep going

I'm glad you finally did try meditation. And that it helped was no surprise to me, but glad it did work for you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Screw this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yay!!

Your T is so great. I love laughing with our T

One of my favorite relaxations is "Warm/Heavy" at www.wholeperson.com. I only do the "Warm" side of the CD because I like it so much and it is amazingly relaxing.

So good to see you here again. xoxo

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO

I just downloaded about 8 hours of Pema Chodron from audible.com

She's amazing. I think your T is wonderful and funny and all good things.

sigh.

ECHOES, OMG WHERE WERE YOU I WAS SO WORRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK GOD YOU ARE BACK. WHEW!

Glad you haven't left us, pinksoil. Your T sounds fanatastic.

(( miss c )) thanks. glad to be back.

8 hours of Pema! drooling... I love her voice. Meditation or books?

lectures/meditation instruction, etc.

(((((((((((((( pinksoil )))))))))))))))))))
It sounds like you have a great connection with your T and I am glad that you will still be posting here.

Hey. Lithium aside, it would be understandable if the discussions over the last while had resulted in your feeling depressed and / or panicky. The discussions would be fairly understandably experienced as confrontational from your perspective on a number of levels, and processing and integrating that would be exhausting for most people, I would think.

I'm not at all sure that stopping posting here would be the ideal solution. I'm glad that you decided not to leave us :-)

One middle ground (perhaps) would be to have your account deleted (so that you aren't searchable) and start over with a more 'anonymous' internet posting identity. How come? Because it is perfectly possible that your current clients and / or your potential clients read and / or post here, and as it is it wouldn't be too hard for them to put the online identity and the in person identity together. Why would that be a not so helpful thing? If I really think about it, I'd be pretty shocked if I put your online posts together with my therapist, for example. How come? Because it is more personal information than I would want to know, basically. How would you feel if you encountered such personal information about your real life therapist? I'd think it would be something that you would want to process with him, at least. A kind of 'when I read about your having a terrible week I felt like what I said in my session may have contributed to that, and I felt awful' kind of a thing. It might be very hard indeed (too close to home) if one of your clients tried to have one of those conversations with you (I don't think many therapists would be able to negotiate that successfully in the optimal way for their clients precisely because it would be touching on their own issues so much).

I keep thinking of Marsha Linehan... I find her to be the therapist who has done the most with respect to reducing stigma for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Clients read her treatment manual and feel like she really understands them. Therapists read her treatment manual, respect her as a clinician, and feel like she really understands them. One of the posters on the SDN suggested that she had a history of Borderline Personality Disorder. I remember wondering that while reading her work. I wondered if she had a history and if that was what motivated her to do the work she did, and if that was what enabled her to have such insight and understanding. Maybe it was... But maybe it wasn't. I don't think Linehan says anything anywhere about having struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder. It might be that she posts anonymously to internet forums to help her deal with her own struggle, however ;-)

I'm really glad that you aren't going to stop posting. I really value your contribution here, and I really value your contribution on the SDN, too. It might be worth thinking about how recent events have contributed to your mood... It might also be worth thinking about some kind of middle ground with respect to how to optimally integrate your professional and personal aspects to your identity... Not with respect to dissociating in an unhealthy way, but with respect to presenting oneself appropriately in different settings (and being sensitive to potentially unhelpful overlaps). Just a thought...

Hang in there.

Huh (silently wondering what pink got a bad rap for).
glad you are stronger than that. *grin*
knew you were.

So glad to see you posting again Pinksoil! Be proud of who you are!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pegasus said:

So glad to see you posting again Pinksoil! Be proud of who you are!



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((((((((((( pink ))))))))))))))

PS Awesome that you arent allowing the negative reactions of some to drive you away!!

And your T is so cool and funny!

I read your bolded text and cracked up.

pinky.. you're a strong personality and as such you will always attract a certain percentage of people who are just ignorant or mean or both... people move towards souls that shine more brightly. Dont ever let them get you down or hold you back.

Miss.. did you know she is the abbott here? (yes, you may groan in envy ) Even T is reading her now.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Screw this. I am not going to stop posting in this forum

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is not directed to anyone in particular....

I think Kim is just trying to help Pink in the tricky transition one goes through as a person transitions from a life as a patient, to a life as a a T. There can be long period of transtion while internal adjustments are made, and new found courage and strengths are encorporated. It's a confusing, difficult time.

Support is needed from both sides.

Slippers

Thanks Slippers. I'll admit that I'm not sure what is to be gained by characterizing certain people and / or perspectives as 'ignorant' or 'mean' or 'giving you a bad rap' or whatever. Unless... One side is 'all good' and the other side is 'all bad', of course...

kim, I have no idea why slippers posted about you and your post but I don't think anyone on this thread posted negatively in response to your post. It was quite articulate on its own. I can't speak for pinksoil, but I never thought any of the subtext here was in relation to you. I also have no idea what slippers meant about "both sides"? Sheesh, is there a battle going on now? Wonder what side someone has assigned me to? Whoever's doing the classifying, please count me out. I hate that kind of crap.

No no no....no one is fighting with anyone. Aforementioned struggles are mostly internal! :-)

Back to "T's funniest line ever/Meditation" previously in progress...

sunny,

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MzJelloFluff said:
pinky.. you're a strong personality and as such you will always attract a certain percentage of people who are just ignorant or mean or both... people move towards souls that shine more brightly. Dont ever let them get you down or hold you back.

Miss.. did you know she is the abbott here? (yes, you may groan in envy ) Even T is reading her now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

heh, so that means I'm a strong personality, cool!!!

all on this thread

I cannot seem to post anything without controversy or drama lately! I understand where everyone is coming from. Basically, I am not going to hide my identity just because I am a therapist who also happens to be ill. I appreciate the concern from some and also the support from those who have encouraged me to be myself. If I decided to hide out it would go against everything I believe in.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.