Need advice whether to call T

Last week I posted that I had called my T asking him a question, he usually doesn't call back but did this time.

I had seen him the night before they needed to re-schedule me due to his vacation. Then not even 10 minutes later, his assistant called to cancel my next appt saying he would still be on vacation.

Okay, intellectually I know that I need to deal with this and I have tried journaling every day, several times a day. I'm going for long rides in my car. I'm trying but I really need to know why this happened the way it did. It is bringing up feelings I can't handle on my own.

I want to fax a letter or have him paged. I'm scared to do it and I'm already humiliated. What if he doesn't respond?

So he's on vacation now? Personally, I would be really hesitant to interrupt my T's vacation unless there was an emergency. It sucks that you have to wait till he gets back to straighten that out though, I know it's hard to have things so unresolved. Is there a way you could sort of compromise, either leave him a voice message or write him an email/letter while he's away? That way you get your part out now, and know he will receive it as soon as he returns. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

I'm like notme9 - if my T is on vacation, I don't call him. What I would probably do (and have done) is write a letter to T with my questions, feelings, etc. When I've done this in the past, I re-read it a lot, and add things as they come up - then when I see T, I either bring it, or know it by heart and just tell him what it says.

It's SO HARD to not have access to T when I'm having questions about our relationship. That's actually one of the hardest things for me in therapy. The letter writing helps, for sure, but it's still so tough.

If your T hasn't left for vacation yet, I would definitely call, no question about it.

I'm so sorry you're in this tough spot. I know how bad it must feel.

I think it depends on the arrangements you made with your T about his vacation. Did he say to contact him if something came up and you needed to talk? I think some T's would want to be on their vacation and have emergencies taken care of by whoever they arrange to do that in their absence. Because it is hard if an emergency comes up for the T to deal with it long distance. And plus they do deserve a vacation. Do you think this is an emergency? I can tell it is certainly very important to you. I think even if a T would normally be fine with a client's call about an important matter if he was not on vacation, when they go away on vacation the "rules" change a bit and they expect the "on call" therapist to handle urgent inquiries. Would it help you to speak with the "on call" therapist?

I think the journaling is a good idea, but if you keep journaling about the same topic, it can also just serve to keep it foremost in your mind, and maybe that isn't that useful now since your T isn't available to help. Maybe you need some distraction from the topic instead of dwelling on it. I find that getting a lot of physical activity can be really helpful in this type of situation. Gets your mind off the issue. Gets the endorphins going. Gives you a sense of accomplishment when you complete your workout. Etc. I wore myself out yesterday mowing the lawn of my very hilly yard and then raking up all the grass. Took a couple of hours. I was exhausted but felt really good, and it was so much effort that I couldn't think of anything troubling at the same time.

I have been in the situation where I was confused about something that happened, or that my T did, said, or implied, and my mind just would not let go of it. Very stressful so (((LH))).

What I am sometimes able to do is flip my obsession from the negative assumption to a positive one. I will assume that my T did not intend for me to be upset/confused/feel abandoned/whatever. Then I used my obsessive thinking to find all the evidence provided in our sessions that supports the position. I'm my case I tend to be amazed at all the little things I find that support the position that my T is competent, caring, and does not deliberately (or at least not maliciously) send my mind into meltdown mode.

(((LH))) Hang in there, his vacation will end, he will return, and you will have a chance to get the answers you need.

I know, I'm having a real hard time with this. This is definitely a defining moment in my therapy. Most of what is going on with me is about me and my abandonment issues.

A small part of that is he knows this about me and decided to take zero steps to prepare me, thereby adding to my pain.

We had just had a conversation how he never has canceled any of my appointments. Then what do you know, he cancels one.

I guess what needs to happen is I'll sit with this then. But we will be discussing my tapering down and graduating. I need to protect my feelings from my therapist apparently and that hurts.

Thanks everyone for trying to help me I do appreciate that.

(((((((((( lauren helene )))))))))))

I'm sorry your T cancelled, Iv'e had it happen a few times to me also and it turned out to be unavoidable. I found it helpful to cross off the days on a calendar till the next session, then I could see that day getting closer rather than feeling lost in the middle of it all.

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lauren helene said:
I need to protect my feelings from my therapist apparently and that hurts.

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Again, I have been here way too many times to count. Not as much with my T, but with other people in my life. I hope when you get a chance to talk about this issue with your T, you will find out that this is not the final lesson to be learned. I hope it turns out that your therapy is a safe (not necessary painless) place to share some of these feelings.

Of course for me knowing this and actually utilizing it are two totally different things, so I'll shut-up now :-)

No you are right chaotic, it all depends on how our conversation goes. I've never felt this let down before. I do have plenty of insights to share as well.

But those other feelings nag at me and need to be talked about. I pray he doesn't get defensive. I need to becareful of my wording