I'm in love with my T.....this time i know its for real...help plz

I dream about her, I have visions of her, I write about her, she is my life but I"m so scared to tell her. I have told her I loved her but I lied and said "not romanticly just theraputicly"......I think she can tell but at the same time I'm not sure...gosh she's 45! I'm 18...but she's so attractive,intelligent,stylish,active,loveable, all the things I want in a woman yet she's double my age....how do I get through this...its been a year and my feelings still haven't changed...how do I go about talking to her about this without her fireing me? Help plz

(((((((((((Dustin))))))))))))))
Could it possibly be erotic transference? T's are trained to deal with feelings that their clients happen to express to them, so I think you should tell her. She's not going to fire you, but she might help you through all this stuff, that you can't make it through by yourself.

If you can't tell her flat out, perhaps writing it down and giving it to her? Hiding your feelings could be a stumbling block in therapy, and I don't think anyone wants that to happen.

I feel your pain.

It's a very common thing, you know that right? I think it happens more often than not with a T. It’s natural.

It hit me really, really, hard. It was horrible--for a long time. Lonely. It consumed my thoughts for long time. I can’t begin to explain the pain and inability to stop the thoughts just by willpower despite my desire to.

My T told me she had fallen for her own T. Still, it is a unique, personal experience.

I also admired my T in many ways.

A big part of why it was hard was because I was young and didn’t feel like a “peer” of sorts re: age, education, $, life experiences, relationships. I hadn’t had a girlfriend, and didn’t have any potential ones around, and the feelings for her kind of filled that space. I felt like I was so out of her league that she’d laugh at me if I told her how I felt. Of course, knowing that as a professional relationship nothing would come of it. Any--if there is any--sexual side of it can be hellish to cope with. It sounds like you also admire her as a role model of sorts in addition to the other stuff, so you have multiple levels going on.

She won't terminate you--I'm sure. She's seen it before, and I'm sure she's used to it. I would be surprised if she doesn't already know--anyways--but from what you said previously you're partway there to telling her.

It can only help your relationship to tell her. There's a lot of meaning to be found in your feelings for your T. I'm sure others here can give you some more technical comments on the dynamics of therapy and transference. I'm also sure that many others here have been there. It's good to share your thoughts like you have. Email me if you want since I know what it’s like being a young guy dealing with it with an older F therapist. It's a very, very scary thing to go through.

((( Dustin )))

Of course it's for real; anything you feel is real.

How do you tell her? Well you just do. You might start by telling her you want to tell her something but you're worried or feeling uncomfortable about telling her. When you start talking to her about how you feel, you'll begin to feel better. It's important and talking about this can take place over many sessions and you can go on to other things and then come back to it (and any topic/issue) again and again.

I'm wondering if she told you about her boyfriend recently because she wanted to open the door for you to talk to her about these strong feelings she suspects you have for her. I think she's ready to hear what you have to say and to help you with it.

I hope you are able to talk to her about this. It is important and between the two of you, you can work through it. I don't think she will fire you. I would venture to say that she is aware of your feelings but is waiting for you to be ready to broach the subject.

BB