saw my T at a local pub!!!!

My hubby and my T share the same birthday. We decided to go for a quick drink (my daughter wanted to buy her dad a birthday drink) at the pb where both my kids work part time .....

My T was sat there outside with her partner and i didn't know what to do. She didn't see me so I walked past. Then after a lot of umming and aahing I went back to speak to her. She gave me a hug and introduced me to her partner. I said happy birthday, introduced my daughter and hubby then sat elsewhere.

I was quite shocked seeing her there and really didn't know what to do .... but i sent her a birthday e.mailand she replied and said it was fine that we'd seen each other 'outside' of therapy.

twas a bit nerve wracking, i was stammering a bit

Jin

=) sounds like it went well tho, so that is good! seems nice that she introduced you - were you ok with it?
kiya

How nice for you Jinny. I'm jealous.

Kiya.... i felt very worried at the time about what to do and what the rules are, but she put me at ease and e.mailed me to say thankyou for my poem (sent her a poem for her birthday) and that everything was fine.

Mouse i am seeing her today. In previous sessions i have told her that i would love her to be a close friend because we are so connected. Oviously it wouldn't be possible right now as she is T i am client, but she agrees with me that we connect and understand one another so well ..... we are exactly the same age, have had the same experiences etc .... she is one of the nicest people i have ever met. She tells me bits and bobs about her life and has even asked my advice in the past about things, i just feel that it helps me to trust her and open up more. Some people may say it is not good for a t to do this, but we are all human and to me she is amazing.

Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

oh I see, well I won't pretend that sort of relationship doesn't set alarm bells of in me because i does, but I will shut my mouth LOL!!

oh Mouse please dont, I have enough trouble trusting therapists ..... i know she is genuine and trustworthy ..... unlike many i have seen in the past.

(((((((((((((((((Mouse))))))))))))))))))))

love, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxox

Well, you are lucky to be acknowledged by your T out of session.

I saw my T at a supermarket once, I wanted to run up to him and hug him and all that, but he completely blanked me. That really hurt.

Then I asked him in a session why he did that. He said that most people don't want other people to know about them having a therapist so he never says hello to any of his clients.

Just made me realize that I am nothing really to him.

Jinny, I think its just insecurity within myself that gets triggered. I sort of only trust "tough love" kinda of stance, but saying that my T is gentle and warm in a way I've never experienced before, unyet in my head I feel if she was to show any sign of needing help or assistence herself then I'd feel my "rock" has been taken away. Somehow I still haven't worked through that "needing" is ok, this is my dilema I know...I guess I'd be afraid we'd both end up in a dark room ducking down avoiding whatever scary stuff is going on outside that room? I need to KNOW and SEE that T can survive without anything from me, does that make sense?

I feel theres a very angry scared little girl inside of me that is stamping her feet and clenching her fists and screaming GGrrrrrrrr unyet at the same time shes curled up in a ball crying wanting to know how to not be afraid..but afraid to admit she doesnt know evlerything and afraid to admit she hasn't got a clue at times...can't, can't., can't show that!! ggrrrr and stamp, stamp stamp!

sorry now I've made this a Me, thead!

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pegasus said:

He said that most people don't want other people to know about them having a therapist so he never says hello to any of his clients.

Just made me realize that I am nothing really to him.

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Early on in therapy, my T told me that if we ever saw each other in public, he wouldn't acknowledge me unless I acknowledged him first. I think this is common practice.

Yes I think it is common practice. Boundaries do need to be kept in place.

Usually a "good" T won't make the first acknowledgement, but if the patient does the recognition and approach (such as a smile or nod) the T will respond. Ts are human and do human things like go outside of the office. They have plenty of other friends, so no one will know that you're a patient or a friend if you don't say anything but," Hi good to see you how are you doing?" Like regular conversations that are just friendly greetings.

I had a session with T once in a little restaurant when she'd forgotten her keys to the office. It's funny now thinking about it and how I put a bubble around the cafe to make it safe/T-territory and didn't even think about the circumstances that might have led up to her forgetting the keys?

Near the end of our sessions together, a month or two before we terminated, T kept losing my checks and otherwise had minor problems like that; I think she was moving in preparation for retiring. But once I called her on losing the checks and she responded with a light, "if you'd been going through what I've been going through lately. . ." response but such a thing would never have occurred to me the 4-5 years earlier when we had the session in the restaurant. I just thought of her as being slightly incompetent forgetting the keys!

It's funny how our view of T can change over time. I had reasons to believe my T was mechanically and electronically-challenged from when I first saw her in the 1970's to just a year or less from when we terminated in 2005 but was finally able to tell her what I thought and she replied that "actually, I'm very good with machines/computers."

But I'd have a hard time imagining my T drinking, Jinny :-) don't know why. Must be because in the restaurant she ordered tea (and I ordered a sandwich and soda before I realized she wasn't going to eat! and had to spend the rest of the session wondering who was going to pay, how that was going to go, etc.)

I have not encountered my T outside the office, so I don't REALLY know how I would react. However, I really don't think it would be a big deal for me. I'd probably just wave or give a nod. If it was a situation where introductions were called for I would probably just introduce her by name and move on before the ..."Where do you know each other from?" question follow came up.

Don't get me wrong, I am curious about my T's personal life. But I get the fact that it's best left unknown to me. I'd respect her privacy because at the moment I want our interaction to continue and wouldn't want to risk messing it up.

Heh - I think it's all vaild. Mouse - there's a part in me like that too - stamping feet, but also curled into a ball.

Jin - I am so glad you connect so well with your t! One of my T's was like this also, asking my advice and talking metaphysics with me when my own stuff was unapproachable. Now we are not T and client and can check in to say hi every now and again. When I was with her I thought I'd die to not see her. Now, we are on different planes... you know? We still care about each other, but her life and perceptions are taking her one way, while mine another.
Best to you!!! Kiya

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earthmama said:
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pegasus said:

He said that most people don't want other people to know about them having a therapist so he never says hello to any of his clients.

Just made me realize that I am nothing really to him.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Early on in therapy, my T told me that if we ever saw each other in public, he wouldn't acknowledge me unless I acknowledged him first. I think this is common practice.

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Yes - and pegasus, when I read yours, i thought "He was protecting you." I hope that resonates with you. He was (i think) trying to respect your boundaries. It it hard connecting with people - we all need things differently. And often people give to us in terms of "how they *think* we need" rather than finding out "how we really need". Does that make any sense??

((((((((pegasus)))))))))))))))

my, such wonderful responses to this thread.... thankyou ....

(((((((((((((Peg))))))))))))))))I agree, i think your T was protecting you, but i can see how you would have been hurt, i would have taken it wrong too because i'm good at taking things the wrong way

(((((((((((((((((((Mouse))))))))))))) i hope you're not offended by this but i read your posts and see how similar we are .... so so similar. I hear you about trust. I mentioned this thread to her today and told her what you'd said, she was ok about it all and said she has a lot of boundaries even though we do connect and she sometimes asks my advice. She finished her therapy now after nearly 7 years and graduates as a fully fledged psychologist in the next couple of months ...... she has very strict boundaries but does like to also remain 'real'. Initially she was fully booked but i was sent to her as a crisis case and we clicked instantly and she wanted to help me. I think because we experienced very similar experiencesas young children we understand each other. We even know what moods each other are in before we start the session ...... ie tired etc .....

It's so interesting to hear how others would view seeing their T outside of the sessions ..... ty for responding, lots of love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kiya ty for the encouragement

Jinny, that's really nice your T acknowledged you out in public. I ran into my first therapist once at the bookstore. I said hi and so did she and we talked briefly about how we were shopping for Christmas. I remember she was looking for a book in the same section I was browsing and had to have the help of a clerk to find the book, which was not there. I remember hearing her interact with the clerk and thinking she was being a bit demanding and annoying. LOL. I'm sure she was fine! It was just interesting to hear her interact with someone else.

This is a different situation, but I see my current T regularly outside of his office professionally (he's paid). The first time it felt a little strange, but it is all planned and arranged (not chance encounters). It just seems normal now. Occasionally, in this situation he has asked me how I'm doing, if I'm OK, etc., and I think I may have been a little rejecting of his inquiries, as I don't want to do therapy outside of his office and his questions seemed like therapist's questions.

(((((((((((((sunrise)))))))))))))))))))))

I sincerely hope that when i stop having therapy whenever that may be, my T and i can remain friends ..... i sincerely think we'd get along so well .....

love Jinny xoxoxoxo

Didn't mean to hijack your thread jin!

But I did want to thank everyone for pointing out that maybe T was protecting me, I hadn't thought of that.

Jinny, No, I'm not offended at all!!! I think I have alot of jealousy that my T wasn't perhaps a little bit more, oh I dunno what the word is, a little bit more..........of %#@&#! it I dunno just not so scary perhaps?