[Kiya]

Today I had a "Tea Date" with a former T (2 T's ago). It was so good to see her. Well, it is a mix, too. I want to draw up one of those colums : PROS.... CONS because there are items in both. I really really loved her when i was with her and thought I'd be **devastated** to ever not work with her. But it turns out that change was good and i am really in a better working relationship now because I don't see this current T as my "I wish this were my ________ (aunt, family, mom)."
But T was Soooooooooooooooooooooo happy to see me, she cried!! She hugged me forever and when we sat down she could hardly keep tears back. I didn't know i was so loved. She reached out for my hand and we just looked at each other for a long minute. (which also tells me how far I have come, to allow eye contact for a minute with strong emotions). We caught each other up on our lives and families, and then she turned her entire focus on me (which in the past I've cringed from). But I was able to talk and in a public place, too. Some of that reminded me why I didn't work with her any more.... some of the system was starting to growl... I was able to calm them (also new in this situation). She still wants to be a part of my life and support.... I am not sure how i feel about that. I am glad she cares so much, and yet I don't want her to... and that feels sort of odd, like I am betraying her.

Now I know, T and Client are not to have relations of any sort during or after therapy. I think in this State tho, there is a 3 year rule on that, then all is free game. I am still at year 2. I'm not sure what I am trying to say here... I'm not asking for anything - just merely processing the day and the mixed emotions of both being so loved and cared for, and also having some old discomforts. Writing and sharing helps me process it deeper and understand greater patterns.

One thing I did process today with her was this whole "cleaning my room" thing and was able to (once again remember) see why I am so hesitant. The clutter here acts as a barrier to keep me safe from mom. Since mom has no boundaries I do not feel safe. There are a lot of items hid here by the clutter that I do not want her to find or see and she would freely enter my room whenever she pleased. So at this point, I really don't think it fair of me to ask the alters to clean because it would be taking down their last defense.

Anyway, thanks for allowing the space =) kiya

[Pseudonym]

***********HUG************
That sounds really swell, Kiya!! I can't believe she cried when she saw you; you must have really had an influence on her life. =)

I don't think it's a problem to have felt the way you did to see her, or to have her in your life again. On the contrary, those feelings and your ability to interact in that way is a healthy sign of progress!

And I agree about your boundary situation. I'd advise cleaning beHIND the barricare, so at least it's partially clean, and still serving its KEEP OUT purpose. No excuses, Fox! Get tidying!

((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))

Wow! What a reunion with your old T!

It seems really healthy that you were able to see and sit with the "pros" and "cons" of connecting with her. Not all good, not all bad - you were sitting there in the "gray". That's really good.

[Kiya]

but i got stung by a hornet!!! even t would let me off the hook today!!!

i was really shocked that former t started choking up!! i had no idea she cared that much.

[Kiya]

That's a good way of looking at it - i like that "sitting in the grey". thanks!!

[RiverX]

Hi Kiya,
Sorry, I havent read this post, is this one of your pictures?
the one by your name, its really nice!

river

[Luce]

I wonder if there are other ways you could keep all that stuff safe without the clutter? Howz about a small portable safe? A lockable drawer? A padlocked cupboard? Just wondering if there are alternatives... so that declutterring might actually be doable, but still be able to serve your system's needs.

Hey, I think it's really cool you could reconnect with your t. It sounds like you are really aware of all the issues it raises within and without, and thats a good thing. Would occasional contact be so bad?

We will be reconnecting with our old T later this year. We saw her for 8 years, but haven't seen her for a long time now. It is hard to imagine what it will be like to see her again. I know she will cry a little - she was very attached to us. I don't know if we will or not, but I know we will be very very very very very happy to see her. And probably a little overwhelmed.

Anyway, it seems like you'll come to the right decision for you about this. I can tell she has payed a hugely important role in your life, and sometimes it's nice to touch base with those who have meant so much to us.

[Kiya]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RiverX said:
Hi Kiya,
Sorry, I havent read this post, is this one of your pictures?
the one by your name, its really nice!

river

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Heh - i wish! Actually it is done by my best friend who is a very successful artist! PM me if you would like the link!
Kiya

[Kiya]

Yes, seeing her again was a whole bunch of things all mixed up. Different parts in the system reacted very differently, and yet, we could hold that in the balance and still function - which i think is a big thing. I am not so sure I want her as much in my life as I used to think. I am doing a lot better now that ever before. But time will tell...

I am glad you will also get to reconnect. It can be very good, like you say.

As for the cleaning - I am not sure yet. There are few boundaries between my mom and I (and I'm an adult, so this is a big thing) and working /setting boundaries ends in a lot of fights. I am working on getting out but until then, the clutter ensures that she stays away from me. I may have to dissapoint T afterall.