[Brian37]

its been over 2 months since my therapist terminated me....I was planning on seeing another therapist, but havent had much time to
find a good one yet

anyway, I struggled for a long time with the erotic transference, because she was female....and I think thats the major reason she
decided to end our therapy

the last month I pretty much forgot about her and was doing well, then I had this friggin bizarre dream about her and now I cant get her out of my head....Im constantly thinking about her and daydreaming

I still have her cell phone #, but I am terrified to call her and even if I did call her...what the hell do I say?........Im still in love with you?

ugh.......im embarrassed to even post this.....but im afraid if I dont do anything I might end up doing something I will regret

help!

(((((((((((((((((((((((( Brian )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. It must feel awful to be terminated before you feel "done". I'm sure there are a LOT of unresolved feelings you are dealing with.

I've never been in that situation, but whenever I read about OTHER people being in it, the advice always seems to be "find a new therapist so you can process your feelings about the old therapist". Maybe this is the push you need to step up the search for a new therapist?

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. And I'm really glad you decided to post here for support! I often think about your "just keep swimming" and in fact, T and I kind of use that as a motto now. He gave me a note that says "just keep swimming" to take home this weekend!

It's good to see you back on the boards.

[Simcha]

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Brian37 said:
its been over 2 months since my therapist terminated me....I was planning on seeing another therapist, but havent had much time to
find a good one yet

anyway, I struggled for a long time with the erotic transference, because she was female....and I think thats the major reason she
decided to end our therapy

the last month I pretty much forgot about her and was doing well, then I had this friggin bizarre dream about her and now I cant get her out of my head....Im constantly thinking about her and daydreaming

I still have her cell phone #, but I am terrified to call her and even if I did call her...what the hell do I say?........Im still in love with you?

ugh.......im embarrassed to even post this.....but im afraid if I dont do anything I might end up doing something I will regret

help!

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Hi Brian.That's difficult, because infatuation can feel like love if you don't know the difference.

I'd say in your case it's infatuation that may or may not be transference related. I'm not completely convinced it's erotic transference, but either way though, infatuation is really different from love.

I'd IXNAY on the calling her, as that will inevitably lead to more heartache on your part. The best way I would say to handle this I would think, is to find a male therapist you can go to and discuss everything with him, including the reasons that you went to therapy in the first place.

A male therapist will not only prevent something like that from happening again (if it's transference), and will also be easier to talk to about your feelings that might have made your old female therapist uncomfortable to talk about. Do you have a friend you can call who is understanding to ward of the impulsive feelings until you can get an appointment?

[SpottedOwl]

((((Brian))))

I believe that our dreams -- especially those dreams we cannot forget -- are trying to tell us something. Maybe the reason you can't stop thinking about it is there is a message trying to be heard.

Our dream language uses metaphors to communicate, so even really strange images can be totally normal in our dreaming world.

I would encourage you to write out the dream, and spend some time with the images in it. Then, you can make a decision on how you want to proceed.

A few questions that might be useful to get yourself started:

What emotions did you feel in the dream?
What emotions were connected with seeing T in the dream?
How did you wake up feeling?
Are there any particular images that stick out?
What does T represent in your dream?

It may be easiest to work through this with a new T. Whatever feels most comfortable to you.

[ECHOES]

Hi Brian, good to see ya.

I'll tell you from personal exprerience that for me the best thing I did was find a new therapist right away. It took a long time to get over the other, but I could not have done it without her.

No, I wouldn't call, but I sure can understand your wanting to.

[little*rhino]

the only real way to process this is to find a new T... calling would not lessen the feelings and will heap a pile of others on top of it when she tells you that she isn't your T anymore and you must stop calling. Think about it.

i am sorry you are stuck this way.

[Brian37]

thanks for the replies

I had a feeling everyone would say calling her is a bad idea

and yes finding a new therapist might be the answer

in fact she refered me to another therapist at our last session

this whole infatuation combined with my ongoing depression and a 3 year old peeing everywhere in my house besides the toilet is putting a lot of weight on my already overburdened shoulders

I dont even have time or energy to offer support to my wife who has CFS/fibrom and gave up a promising nursing career

"just keep swimming....just keep swimming"

Brian

[ECHOES]

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and yes finding a new therapist might be the answer

in fact she refered me to another therapist at our last session

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Not "might" be the answer, really "is" the answer.
I think I would prefer to choose someone on my own rather than try to work with someone I associate with her in any way, because even that bit of a connection can cause instant and intese longings and resentments.
It would not be at all unusual to call T's and tell them that you are looking for someone who can initially help you with ET or obsession. They are out there, they understand, and they will help.

[Razzleberry]

I agree - don't call her, it will only make things worse and you may regret it if you leave a bad message.

You do need a new T. Maybe try looking just on your insurance's list for a man? A male therapist would remove the possiblity for that kind of transference again.

Hope things turn around for you soon.