One Hour My Foot

Okay, so everyone who rolled their eyes and said "Yeah, sure, THAT will work!" when I said I was going to deal with T's being away by telling myself she is only away the one hour I would normally see her....

You can say "I told you so" now.

Isn't working. Seems the only thing that works is totally not thinking about her, because if I do think of her I miss her too much. So I keep feeling farther and farther away from her because I keep pushing her out of my mind.
How will we ever reconnect!?
How will I make it til Thursday!!!
What if I blow the session by being mad that she was away?
I pout really really well...

Echoes even if you do get mad in session, that wouldn't count as "blowing the session." It would count as being brave and expressing your feelings to her.

Keep in mind that you have good news to tell her. Remind her that no matter how you feel, the both of you will share in your good news-- then you can get mad

Since she feels farther away when you push her out of your mind, what would happen if you thought about a connecting moment you had with her? I know that thinking about her will make you miss her, but you are going to miss her no matter what! Maybe it is okay to bring her a little closer to you instead.

Hi pink and thanks for your reply.

When I think of connecting moments, I get nearly sick with missing her. I just want to be there so badly right now. RIGHT now! lol

Even my good news seems to be getting cold and dark and ominous. A year ago I could barely leave my apartment for necessities. Now a new job, moving. It feels like I'm in over my head!

Really, I don't think I'd get mad in session. It would probably be healthy to do that, but so afraid of my anger.

I think though, you have helped me understand that part of my distress is because I have such conflicting feelings going on. I really struggle with ambivalence. I always think I have to choose one emotion at a time. The truth is that I'm excited she's coming back soon and I can share my good scarey news, lol. And I'm also angry that she has been away and especially that she wasn't here when it all happened because I really needed her to be here then.

The anger part makes me feel SO guilty.
And afraid. That my anger will make her angry. That her anger will make her leave...

See, I'm afraid if I ever get to anger... I'll need 5 sessions per week!!

(((((Echoes))))))

Yeah, it hurts a lot and too much. I wish I could fix this for you or offer my sage advice but unfortunately, I have been in the same boat. Maybe we can bail water together? I'll pass you the bucket.

Before T's vacation, he said I needed to allow myself to miss him but when I do that it hurts too much. So, I think we just have to accept that the return will be difficult too. But...we can look forward to a deeper understanding of ourselves? Yeah right.

I do, however, recommend a phone call prior to first session back. That conversation yesterday is getting me through until I see him tomorrow.

((((((((((((ECHOES))))))))))))))))))

You'll make it. I'm sorry it's bothering you so much, but it's totally normal. Take care of yourself - try to do something good for yourself. And you're allowed to pout and be mad in session too!