[hangingon]

I have been seeing my T for almost 11 months now and I still feel this wall between us.
For the longest time I kept thinking it was me and kept waiting to see if that would improve. I mean maybe it is me, I am just not sure.

Well, its really bothered me this last week thinking that its been so long and I still just don't have that connection with my T. She's really not that personable or empathetic, just very professional.
Seeing she is the first T I ever saw, I had no idea what to compare her to ect. I just went with the first one I had met.

I decided to try to find another T just for an initial consultation and to address my concern. I have not told my T that I have looked into that because I could very well end up staying with my present therapist.

I got a hold of a new T by email and she wants me to call her monday and set up a time to have an initial consult and see what happens from there.
I did tell her that I am seeing a T at this present time.

I like that her three main specialties are Sexual abuse, depression, and anxiety. I just sent her another email today to ask her a few questions before meeting with her, such as how long as she worked with sexually abused client's, what drew her to the field of psychology, and how flexible is her schedule because my school schedule changes each semester. I am waiting to hear back from her on those.

Has anyone else done this before without at least addressing it with thier therapist first? I feel like I am doing something horrible but I don't want to tell my T incase I do end up remaining with her. I would think that would injure where we are now in therapy.

Hangingon

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( Hanginon ))))))))))))))))))
I don't think that you are doing anything horrible, it sounds like you are looking out for what is best for you which is what you are supposed to do. You can address this with your current T after the appointment, I am sure she will be glad that you are looking out for yourself and your own needs.
People change Ts a lot I think until they find the right one.

[ECHOES]

here's a site you might want to take a look at: www.guidetopsychology.com

there is a lot of info there about therapy and therapists. I like their Q&A section.
there are also resources here on PC too.

i think going with what you feel is fine. a good 'fit' is so important

[SpottedOwl]

((hangingon))

Originally Posted by hangingon

Has anyone else done this before without at least addressing it with thier therapist first? I feel like I am doing something horrible but I don't want to tell my T incase I do end up remaining with her. I would think that would injure where we are now in therapy.

I haven't done this, but I do not think you are doing anything horrible. You are taking responsibility for your own life, and exploring options. Maybe you need to do this yourself, without the guidance of T?

I would encourage you to talk about this with T when you are ready. T is not there to judge you, but to help you. How you feel about the therapeutic relationship is *very* important. I regularly talk with my T about our relationship, what I need from him, and how I'm perceiving his words/actions. It was really scary at first to talk about those things, but now I enjoy the openness of the relationship.

IMHO, go ahead and do this on your own. Meet the new T, and check it out. Then, once you have all the information, you can talk about it with your current T. If you had to have surgery, would you feel like getting a second opinion was wrong?

[coconut64]

Hangainon, you're really brave for taking this step. I mentioned in another thread that I sometimes think about trying out another T but these are just thoughts. I have been seeing my current T for 13 months now. I had another T before who I saw for about six months. That didn't end well, I was devastated and I knew I had to talk to someone. I had several referals, met with all of them at least three times (what was exhausting!!), then I went with my gut. I picked my current T. Too much effort, work, feelings have been done/undone, opened up, etc..I simply believe that I'm not strong enough to go through this again. Right now, I just want to finish what I started. I'm lucky because T is supportive, professional, understands me, he goes at my pace, and he cares about me. What he isn't is warm and fuzzy. This is what makes me want to look for another T sometimes, until I realize/remind myself that wanting love and affection is a longing that is being awaken in me as I'm healing. I also have to remind myself that it is my job to look for love and affection outside of the T room. Well, just offering another perspective. Good luck with your appointment, let us know how it goes

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hangingon))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I think it is a good thing that you are recognizing that you might not be getting what you need from T, and are willing to look at other options. My Teacher T told me that as we learn and grow and heal, we often need to move on to someone or something else. She said that she is my teacher for right now, but someday, I may find that I need a different teacher, and that is okay.

When I went to see Teacher T, I did tell T about it first. But I was going to consult about my kids, which isn't an area he works in, so it was sort of unrelated to my own therapy. However, it did suddenly turn into a possibility that I would see her instead of him. He and I processed that a LOT, and my gut told me to stay with him, and we worked out the solution of me having T, and having a Teacher.

This is your life, and your journey. You are not betraying T by looking around to see who else is out there that might help you on your path. I do think that this is worth talking to your T about though....sometimes the things we perceive in T are not the reality of what is going on. It's hard, but I do try to tell T when I worry that he's thinking certain things, that he doesn't care, etc. And we talk about it. If I didn't do that with him, I'm sure I would have left long ago just based on my own assumptions, which were usually incorrect....that is MY experience though.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, however you decide to do it. When I was trying to choose a T before I started therapy, my T (before he was my T) told me "pay attention, and you'll make the right decision". He was right.

[chaotic13]

I can see where you are feeling like you are betraying your current T. However, just going to check out how someone else might interact with you is not such a bad idea. I have frequently thought of doing this. I think it is good health care in other types of treatments. In my case I have always talked myself out of doing it. First I tell myself...the only reason I want to switch T's is because my T is getting to close. Second I just recall how difficult it was to set and go to my 1st appointment...I don't want to go through that again.

[hangingon]

Thanks, you all gave me alot to think about.

It could be that I am running away in fear of showing my real self, yet since day one I have felt like she was not very empathetic, sometimes I just need that reassurance if anything.

I am not 100% sure I will go through with this. I may try just one consult with this other T and see what happens from there. If I decide to stay with my T then I guess it would be good to talk about this stuff with her.
Gosh why does this crap have to be so difficult?

Hangingon