[02221983]

Tuesday I saw my T. I was sharing some background info with her about some of the men’s from my past relationships. I did not this went while at all because for the first time I felt as if she was judging me by the looks on her faces and just her overall expression. Because a few of these men is and was married and she is married. When I met those men none of them wore a wedding bond and I never ask because I thought they should volunteer the info them selves but they never do. Just about all the men I have been with were old enough to be my father. Second they all took advantage of me in some way. And now I am with some one who truly desires me but I would rather be with one of these other men when it comes to the sexual stuff why that is? I don’t know...both mom and dad were not around and I am in treatment for SA and I guess absent parents. Because of this I think I should find a new t because I feel really bad about sharing this with her all I have been thinking since was why? How is she going to look at me now? What is she thinking when she thinks of me? How do I let these feels go?

[Perna]

I don't think you can know what she's thinking unless you ask her. Looks on people's faces can't be read reliably as you can't know the thoughts behind then. Even if she looked disapproving you don't know of what, she could be thinking of something she did that she disapproves of or it could be a look meaning something else and just looks disapproving to you.

I would tell her how uncomforable you are telling her these things (maybe print the post and take it in) and how you feel like she might be judging you and then see what she has to say? I spent a long time with a married man who was 20 years older than I was, such relationships probably won't get you anywhere/anything you want in life. I don't know that your T is judging you, she's probably is just thinking it is too bad you pursue such relationships.

I don't know many men who wear wedding rings; that's not a way to find out if they're married and/or persuing men that much older than you are probably isn't going to work out anyway.

[ECHOES]

What about delaying judgement about these feelings for now, until you can talk to her about your interpretting her expressions?

I don't think you have enough information to know yet.

It could be a reflection of your own feelings about what you shared or that you shared this, that you're 'seeing' in T's expressions.

For now, how about just noticing it and reserving any judgements until you talk with T.

[02221983]

I do not think I can go back there to see her…. The last married I have dated was almost four years ago that is not the kind of relationship I am in right now… my boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 and a half years living together for 18months. I just fined older men more attractive sexually for me… is that wrong?

[phoenix7]

I would talk to your T about it - I know it will be hard - explain about the ring thing - maybe she was looking disaroving of there men taking advantage of you

therapy is hard - we look (when we look) at the T and make decisions about what they are thinking by their body language and physical expression - like if they have their arms crossed they are not interested - maybe they are cold? if they have their leg crossed away from you is supposed to be because they are not liking you or what you are saying - or maybe they had their leg crossed the other way before and they are just changing their pposition

We can read too much into these things especially when we are telling something that makes us feel vulnerable to our T's judgement

talk to your T -

When I first told T about a traumatic event that happened to me, he looked very angry....and I thought he was angry at me. It scared me to death.

At the next session, I got brave and asked him about it - and he said he was angry at the perpetrator, and it must have shown on his face.

There's no way to tell what they are thinking unless we ask...I always ask now if I don't know.

(((((((((((((((((((((02221983)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[ECHOES]

Finding older men attractive is something to explore in therapy.

Therapy isn't about judging, it is about acceptance and exploring with curiosity. It's about learning more about ourselves. We can't do that if we don't go.

[02221983]

Thank you all very much for help, before i would ask her anything but as of late we have been having some rocky times, one second i trust the nesxt i do not, and the expression seem like a """do not trust her again kind of look""", or maybe it is just me.... i am really depress about this i am planing to skip out on her this coming tuesday and maybe for awhile sorry..... i just needed to rant a bit it get lonely here.....

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by 02221983

How do I let these feels go?

By talking with her, seeking clarification about her reaction, and listening to her direct response to your question instead of trying to guess how she felt about you by your interpretaton of her facial expression. You will probably continue to feel this way unless you talk to her about it. Perhaps she was not judging you at all and you misinterpreted. Wouldn't it be terrible if you threw away your therapy relationship because of a misinterpretation?

I am going through a divorce. An issue has been my husband's infidelity. It was very harmful to our marriage. So one day I mentioned to my T, whom I knew very well by then, about a past relationship in which I was the "other woman" with a married man. He was clearly surprised, even a little shocked, that I had been in that role once, especially given my current situation, in which it is so obvious that infidelity has been damaging. I think if I had known my T less well, I might have interpreted his reaction as judgmental. But I know he is not like this. I told him, hey, I was young, I really didn't understand what I was doing, and it is not something I am proud of at all. But I'm not going to beat myself up about that. I wouldn't do it again today. We moved on and this did not cause a rift between us.

[02221983]

Thank you sunrise you and everyone else on here....... maybe I will go on Tuesday....hoping I will find the strength.

[missboots]

Hey, Just wanted to add my 2 cents, I have been with married older men and young men. I don't care what T thinks because I had FUN! I am 38yrs married to a 61 yr old man. I look at life as yah this is what I did and I learned alot while waiting for Mr. right I had fun with Mr. right now!LOL I think we tend to look to hard at ourselves. I think having a sense of humor is a good thing. Life isn't all about being serious all the time. it's not like you killed someone or robbed a bank! You didn't put a gun to those men's head either.

[imapatient]

T's hear about people having affairs all the time where one (or both) of them are married to someone else. It's a very common thing in our society. I can't imagine a T taking a negative view of you for that. If she does, that's a problem she has, not you. I was the "other man" for a very, very brief affair with an older married woman--I was single and very young. When I told my T's (a few over time) none of them had a negative reaction. If you feel any guilt, look at it as I looked at my experience: You didn't cheat on anyone. The men who were married are the ones who made a vow to another person; they're the ones who betrayed someone else, i.e. their wives, not you. Find out what your T thinks; don’t guess based on a look on a face.