need your opinion...

Last time i saw T (Monday) i finally told her about increased su ideations and that sometimes I feel like the world around me is not real, more like a computer game. Her reaction was strict. 1: renew no self harm contract 2: small lecture on why su is a bad thing 3: get information on the "not real" feeling 4: any hallucinations? 5: a little "I care about you" blah blah stuff which sounded like a lie after after all that strict bussines like approach. So... I left feeling bad, because 1: I think she took everything I said way too serious 2: little me freaked out after hearing the word hallucination 3: i can't stop thinking about the contract and the ideation thing gets worse 4: she said she would like to talk about it next time we meet and it scares me. Now the main thing: do you think it would be ok if I call my t and ask for one more appt this week (next regular appt is after almost 2 weeks)? I know for sure she has time tomorrow. It's not an emergency. It is very hard for me to deal with all this stuff, but I will survive. Seeing t would make it easier. One more reason I want the appt is that I feel I could talk about su ideation if it happens fast. Usually I just shut down after T mentions it. I would like to see t tomorrow, but I'm afraid I'm too needy. I just don't know, I don't want to make t tired of me... Should i call t or not? What would you do?

>> I think she took everything I said way too serious
this is a very serious thing, 3V...

do you think it would be ok if I call my t and ask for one more appt this week
absolutely yes!

Yr T will not get tired of you. She does care about you; that's why she seemed so stern about it. I have a feeling she needed to make sure you were listening, if you know what I mean.
By all means, call and ask for another appointment; or at least for some of her time to talk on the phone. What you need is what goes.

Take care of yourself
& come back to let us know how you are!!

(((((((((((((((((((((3v))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yes, I would definitely, DEFINITELY call for another appointment. Early in T, when I went once a week, I had to do that a few times (and have been going twice a week since then)....if something is too hard to sit with, and T has time in her schedule, give yourself the gift of going and getting some relief. You deserve to feel better.

I'm too scared to call t. Even the thought of it makes me want to hide so that no one would ever find me...

many hugs to you.

i feel dumb saying "don't be scared" but - don't be scared ... T is committed to your good, remember - if you don't feel up to asking T directly for an appt, maybe you could just leave a voice mail message saying that, and let the answer come back?

Anything involving suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously. You did the right thing by telling her.
This can be scary, but they normally ask this if you start talking about things not feeling real-- because dissociation/anxiety/hallucinations can all have that quality. I have been seeing my pdoc for almost four years and every time he sees me he asks if I have been experiencing psychosis. Last week I commented about this and he said, "Don't worry, I ask everyone."
How is it going? You mentioned you were too scared to call. Maybe you can call just to check in with her? I know it can be scary to ask for an appointment.

I haven't called yet. But I am going to call her office as soon as I finish my tea. If she's there I will talk to her. If she's not there... well... I don't know. I have her cell no., but I don't want to use that. Sorry, I know I'm rambling, but it makes me feel better.

ramble all you want! we are here

hey sweetie. just wondering if you got in touch with T? i hope you are able to get an appt with her. maybe if she has left her office already, you could send an sms to her phone? that is what my pdoc asks me to do - it means i'm not disturbing him (if he is with another patient, or is busy or something) but it means he will get back to me.

i think you really should go in for another appt. yes, you will remain safe, but the thoughts themselves are scary, and you deserve every bit of help you can get to help them stop.

I called, but t wasn't there. I think I'll send sms in the morning.

maybe if you send one now, then she will be able to call you back in the morning and that way you could get your appt sooner?

What is sms?

I think you need to be seen AT LEAST WEEKLY. Every two weeks after that talk she gave you? Geese... that's pretty lax on her part IMO.

Yes, make another appointment.

It's not her fault my car was ruined during a riot and I can't come to appts when I should. It's not her fault she can't reschedule, she already works till 8pm almost every day. Ahhh... I couldn't see t yesterday because of some urgent work stuff and now I'm going crazy. I'm not sure I can deal with it, but well, I guess I have to, what else can I do.

I think the fact that you were aware/strong enough to work through your reluctance and ask for another appointment is a good thing. IDK, but I would think your T would see this as a sign that your self preservation instinct is working. Whether you get a chance to see her or not keep asking for what you need.