Authentic Self

I can relate to so many entries here - I used to know who my authentic self was - but that turned out to be make believe - I am getting to know myself over again -

I still have trouble when the child takes over and checks out what is needed by others as my reaction rather than what my reaction is - and the mouth sensors - I can so relate to that - inside you want to say something and (I call it my guardian) stops you because it may not be what the person you are talking to wants to hear - and insecurity and fear take over -

I think children/people that were abused are always waiting for the physical or verbal hurt that they feel/know will occurr if they say the wrong thing.
Keeping your shields up becomes a habit that is hard to break

Sannah....believe it or not...I did actually talk about this situation with my T. Shocking...now there is therapy progress :-) Of course when T asked if I would raise the issue with my friend to clear up my confusion...and I said, NO.

Spottedowl, I read Tolle's New Earth book. The pain bodies concept made sense to me too. Unfortunately I still have trouble recognizing them and not identifying with them.

My therapy basically consisted of discussing interactions that I couldn't handle. I think that it is the best thing! Interactions that you cannot handle are filled with your issues. You just pluck out the issues one by one and work on them............

So why don't you want to discuss this with your friend? I don't think that I discussed with anyone what I needed to work on. The interactions were discussed with the T, issues were picked out and I worked on them. Next time a scenario came up like that I was able to handle it better........

Sounds easy...

oh brother ain't it the truth. ! ! ! !

I don't want to raise the issue with my friend because I don't want her to know I was confused about something that would not likely be confusing to most people. Also, the topic is not within my normal comfort zone so... I'm not going there, unless it comes up again. In my case my T was just making the comment as a way of highlighting on of my behavior patterns...not seeking direct clarification when confused by social clues so that my doubt doesn't continue to fester. During the same discussion I mentioned that I had seen the friend but once since the incident. My T also made the comment... Hmmm, I wonder if that is because you are kind of avoiding her. Which... I of course replied ... NO, that's not it... but in reflection...maybe I was avoiding her until I resolved the situation in my mind. Another one of those unconscious patterns that move you away from acting in line with your authentic want. For me, I don't want this incident to affect my friendship... but my behavior pattern of wanting to navigate clear of conflict and uncomfortable discussions was making it more likely to create problems. BTW, I did raise the issue indirectly and get the clarification I needed from my friend and... "its all good" between us. My T knows how to get her point across without telling me what to do. I like that, I'll keep her for a few more sessions.

You know, I think this is a life-long thing... part of the journey of self discovery and transformation. We wear many masks in our life, and the more we know about ourselves, the more masks we can take off.

I agree with Kiya I doing think out authentic self is a static state. It evolves as our life experiences change and our bodies change and environment changes. I just want who I am today to be as conscious as possible.

This is exactly what it is! Getting better allows us to be flexible and adaptable to any changes in our environment. I used to be so rigid and I am so much more flexible today.........

Sannah, your comment reminded me of a fellow PC poster who hasn't posted lately. JelloFluff and her "be the willow" postings. I miss Jello!

yep somtime I see glimpses of my sisters in me - but i dont know if there is a me anymore - or if there ever was ? when I was very young I remember being able to sing in two voices in my head - its one of the few memories I have - I saw the movie Sybil about a woman wiht multiple personalities and can remember thinking - that I needed to have only one voice left -my thinking voice only - so I shut up the other voice - sometimes now I think thatt the voice I shut up was the real me and thats why I dont have the memories - maybe I dont have an authentice self? maybe thats why I cant find it? I'm just made up of pieces of other people....

I feel the same way. For example, my handwriting changes all the time according to other people's. I see something of them I like and incorporate. My whole life is like that now that I think about it.