[Kiya]

...falling ...getting behind... sliding back down the dark hole. how can things change so fast from "feeling cared for" to being isolate, alone, depressed, and without resources" again?
everything's piling up, homework, trying to meet govt needs so my basic needs can be met... even tho i know ppl are pulling for me, my tenious hold is slipping and now i feel i can't reach out more - be even more needy - they've done so much for me already. i just have to ... let go and see if i can float a bit on my own in these huge waves crashing over me.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Kiya

how can things change so fast from "feeling cared for" to being isolate, alone, depressed, and without resources" again?

everything's piling up, homework, trying to meet govt needs so my basic needs can be met...

i feel i can't reach out more - be even more needy - they've done so much for me already.

Your first question is a good one. How did this happen? You have a few stressors? Why can't you reach out more?

[phoenix7]

Kiya - the waves will subside and the ocean will be calm again - you are not alone - please take care of you - ask for what you need - you can do this - the darkness cannot win - take care

[pegasus]

Sending hugs and a lifeboat (((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Your first question is a good one. How did this happen? You have a few stressors? Why can't you reach out more?

waaaaaaaaaaaaay way too many stressors. and T has done so much for me already and doc s now suddenly acting like i have no physical health issues i just don't understand. Them and PC are my only resources.

[Kiya]

thanks (((((((((((((pegasus, P7)))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))))))))

Reach out as much as you need to - here and in real life. This time WILL pass, but while you are in it, allow yourself to be supported. Drifting alone through the crashing waves is too scary. Let people who love you help you....

I know it is scary to have needs, and to ask for those needs to be met...but it's scarier not to sometimes.

Take my hand....did you let go?? And call someone if you can - a friend, T, whoever. Don't let yourself get too lost in the darkness.

[MissCharlotte]

(((Kiya)))

I have experienced these "crashes" quite a bit lately. They are frightening, and exhausting and I do believe that they are the back and forth of the integration work. I know how hard it is to reach out because I have also thought I couldn't. But just try to remember what T has said and shared with you and know that she is the safe place/voice/ear right now.

You have been managing soooo much lately this dip was inevitable...

It's okay to ask for help.

Take gentle care.

[skeksi]

Kiya, it makes sense to me that you would feel a crash after the two big evaluations you had last week. It will pass, just keep reaching out for support.

[nowheretorun]

(((Kiya))))))))

[hangingon]

I can relate some kiya
Hang in there, and do the best you can to be good to yourself. I know riding it out is hard.

hangingon

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by earthmama

Take my hand....did you let go?? And call someone if you can - a friend, T, whoever. Don't let yourself get too lost in the darkness.

yeah - i did let go... not sure why... thought i was falling and put a hand out to break my fall i guess.
I'm sick again with this nasty head cold
I'm still waiting for foodstamps to call me and tell me i have food
I'm up to my eyeballs in homework
I want to hibernate!!!
T called last night for more info on FS and sounded tired, frustrated... I don't want to bother her again.
MD seems to have forgotten she told me I have adrenal fatigue and fibro
@_@ wtf happened?!?! like i woke up today to the world of Mondays of a Swiftly Tilting Planet!

[Kiya]

Miss, so you did reach out then? in the crashes?

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

But just try to remember what T has said and shared with you and know that she is the safe place/voice/ear right now.

In your honor of this, I put in the monkey T brought me back as my sig. Thanks for the reminder.

You have been managing soooo much lately this dip was inevitable... It's okay to ask for help.

thanks... for making sense of my chaos. kiya

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by skeksi

Kiya, it makes sense to me that you would feel a crash after the two big evaluations you had last week. It will pass, just keep reaching out for support.

thanks... ok... yeah feel also like i just can't ask T for anything else... you know??

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((((Nowheretorun, hangingon))))))))))))))))))
thanks... yeah, it is..... just.... waves between almost being ok... and drowning again. trying to be good to body.....

[peaches100]

Kiya,

You've had so much stress lately -- so much on your plate!! It's no wonder you felt overwhelmed! All that stress might have even run you down a bit, so that you got sick. Don't feel bad for reaching out when you need encouragement. I hope you feel better soon. You've endured alot.

[Kiya]

Thanks Peaches
Seems my mind felt there was a quota of only so much one can reach out to T and that I have maxed it. Really wanted to call t at midnight when things were getting scary (i know she's up at that hour) but I couldn't. I just muscled through. But I do feel really rundown and ill. been in bed for 12 hours. Well, at least I see T tomorrow and then the Dr the next day.

[phoenix7]

hope things get better for you soon

[Kiya]

THanks P7 ...and you also! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
yeah i'm pretty dang sick again, so it isn't so.... noticable, I guess (the slipping)... ya know? And i've spent all day working on my dumb homework. Still haven't heard from foodstamps, so i still have no food (been out of FS for 1.5 weeks or more). getting pretty down about it.

[musicislife]

I know exactly how you feel, but I promise that you will feel better soon. It seems tough now, but (to be cliche) there's always light at the end of the tunnel!

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Kiya

...falling ...getting behind... sliding back down the dark hole. how can things change so fast from "feeling cared for" to being isolate, alone, depressed, and without resources" again?
everything's piling up, homework, trying to meet govt needs so my basic needs can be met... even tho i know ppl are pulling for me, my tenious hold is slipping and now i feel i can't reach out more - be even more needy - they've done so much for me already. i just have to ... let go and see if i can float a bit on my own in these huge waves crashing over me.

(((((((((((((((((KIYA))))))))))))))))))))

Alright, where's the Stuffie ?Benedict right?

Be as "needy" as you have to in order to prevent catastrophe, mmkay?
I think the SSI/SSDI process is hell on earth having known someone who went through it. It's not exactly an empowering experience either.

Just remember it's all crap that doesn't represent who you are (and neither does the government workers). You are KIYA, and we like Kiya for who she is, not because of what some paper says or doesn't says about her.

We want to keep Kiya. We can be your life jacket (along with your awesome T). Even if you fall overboard, you'll still be supported above the waves.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Kiya

THanks P7 ...and you also! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
yeah i'm pretty dang sick again, so it isn't so.... noticable, I guess (the slipping)... ya know? And i've spent all day working on my dumb homework. Still haven't heard from foodstamps, so i still have no food (been out of FS for 1.5 weeks or more). getting pretty down about it.

I had to borrow money from my Mom to make ends meet this month. I'm grateful she had the money to lend me actually. I hate not being able to provide for myself. It does make me feel a little... depressed, but it will be short-lived. I just need to keep that in mind... this will get better. I need to remember that this is temporary. I'll make it, and so will you.

I have a light at the end of the tunnel, and so do you Kiya. Just remember this is temporary and it will all work out. There are resources to turn to somewhere. If push comes to shove, you will figure it out.

Are you able to reach your T or someone?
(((((((((KIYA)))))))))

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((((Musicislife, Simcha)))))))))))))))) thanks
Yep, Benedict is the armadillo =) and Sir Nick is the monkey (in my signature) T just brought me back from Africa... I have them both near at hand. My cat is also calling - telling me I am up way too late. I just drew and colored a picture of Africa; with Table Mountain in the distance, a giraffe (T loves them), and Sir Nick hanging from a nearby Palm.
I do see T tomorrow evening. Group T got cancelled tonight. I am not sure what to do about resources, as I am allergic to food and can't eat what the local food agencies can provide. But perhaps my caseworker can get them to give me a voucher or something. I did leave her a message today also.
I like the image of being supported on the waves =) I will keep envisioning that. ty.