[Puffyprue]

this might be stupid question but i still dont know what the answer so iam asking why most of us scared to meet our T or pDoc ??well they not bite but i still scared to go to meet my pdoc she so nice but i still scared...please hsraed with me ur experience ty..

[Merlin]

I'm afraid of the power that my pdoc has. The mental health act gives him too much.

[imapatient]

Originally Posted by puffyprue

this might be stupid question but i still dont know what the answer so iam asking why most of us scared to meet our T or pDoc ??well they not bite but i still scared to go to meet my pdoc she so nice but i still scared...please hsraed with me ur experience ty..

There's a power imbalance, though not just in formal terms.

They get to know us in personal terms, but we don't get to know them as their personal selves. Only as professionals. We open up and expose ourselves in the deepest, most difficult, and vulnerable ways. You go into every session like that, unless you've solved every issue. Which never happens. It gets easier though.

But I'm going to be doing a program and intake coming up for it this week. I'm still worried about it despite having had several T's and pdocs over a 20 year period.

It's a natural part of the relationship.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by puffyprue

this might be stupid question but i still dont know what the answer so iam asking why most of us scared to meet our T or pDoc ??well they not bite but i still scared to go to meet my pdoc she so nice but i still scared...please hsraed with me ur experience ty..

Mainly I think people are afraid of opening up. It's hard to do and you have to have trust in them. That makes it scary.

I don't think it's a stupid question btw... most people are scared to see a therapist and so they don't. This means that they don't usually solve their problems in the best of ways.

Good luck. It's not as scary as you think it is.

[sunrise]

I guess I felt scared quite a bit the first time I went to see my first therapist. I think it was because I felt desperate and I didn't know what to do. And I didn't want to share that with anyone and I didn't know how a therapist could help but I knew I needed help--I was a mess. Everything seemed terrifying and the therapist was part of that. After we got to know each other, I was not so scared of going to see her.

I have never been scared of going to see my current T. I began seeing him when I was in much better shape than with the first one. Also, he made me feel like he could help me at our very first session and that really helped make me want to see him so I could get help. I wasn't ever scared either of seeing my PNP (my pdoc equivalent). She was recommended to me by my T and so I knew she was a good person.

So I think for me, the fear came because of my life circumstances. When I was bottom, it was scary. When I was more functional, it wasn't so scary. For me, "power differential" did not play into my fear.

puffyprue, I hope as you get to know your pdoc better, it will become less scary. Hopefully, you will gain confidence in her and her ability to help, and she will help put you at ease by being "nice" and taking your concerns into account.

[madisgram]

hi prue i think most of us felt like that at leat for a while especially when we first started with a T or pdoc. i feel for me it was just getting comfortable with someone we may choose to tell what hurts us or makes us sad. it's like we are fragile and feel vulnerable. that's ok cause in time trust is built and the fears subside.
i am soooo happy you have done this good thing for yourself. i am soooo proud of you too. it is a new beginning for you. you are like the butterfly in a coccoon...and slowly you'll unwrap yourself and learn to fly!!! ...and you will be so beautiful and free of pain.

[imapatient]

Another thing to add to all of the good comments here is that it's obviously an individual thing. But I imagine that depending on what one’s issues are, or personality is, some types will have differing reactions. With the importance of trust, as Simcha noted, I'd think people with major trust issues might have a heightened level of fear (I'm one of those people).

It's not a stupid question and there's nothing wrong with whatever reaction you. What is is, neither good nor bad.

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((everyone))))))))))
thanks for replying this thread i really appreciated the whole idea about scary thought why most of us scared to meet T or Pdoc....it helps...ty...

[phoenix7]

I suppose for me - I learned at an early age that you couldnt trust anyone and so became self sufficient - letting someone in and learning to trust anyone was the hardest thing - and still is - Im always waiting for them to walk away in disgust or run LOL

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((puffy))))))))))))
I have been really scared to go to my new therapist.
I am scared about what I might have to talk about and tell her.
I can't figure out how I'll know if I can trust her -- I was burned by my last T and I trusted him totally.
You assume these people are there to help us but it is scary to trust, especially if we have been let down in the past.

I can totally relate to what Sunrise said here:

I think it was because I felt desperate and I didn't know what to do. And I didn't want to share that with anyone and I didn't know how a therapist could help but I knew I needed help--I was a mess.

But, just like my pdoc said the first time I met him (which I hated him for):
"You have to trust someone."

[del12]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

I suppose for me - I learned at an early age that you couldnt trust anyone and so became self sufficient - letting someone in and learning to trust anyone was the hardest thing - and still is - Im always waiting for them to walk away in disgust or run LOL

I cetainly can relate to this. I have never actual admitted that deep down I am always waiting for anyone I even slightly open up to will walk away in disgust or turn away without telling me why. I am always so on guard that I have a difficult time letting anyone in and relaxing or just have fun. I hate feeling this way and of course I always blame myself, even with my T I have felt she didn;t want to work with me and I almost quit. I think it was all in my head. I so want to trust my T and others in my life. Will it ever happen? I hope and pray that it does and for you too. Your post was like a slap in the face Wake up! How can you have a relationship if you can't trust. A thought to bring to my T and discuss if I feel I can trust and open up that day. It is a day to day struggle, but I think that there a small moments of relief that will some day become bigger.

[Puffyprue]

Originally Posted by ktgirl

((((((((((((puffy))))))))))))
I have been really scared to go to my new therapist.
I am scared about what I might have to talk about and tell her.
I can't figure out how I'll know if I can trust her -- I was burned by my last T and I trusted him totally.
You assume these people are there to help us but it is scary to trust, especially if we have been let down in the past.

I can totally relate to what Sunrise said here:


But, just like my pdoc said the first time I met him (which I hated him for):
"You have to trust someone."

i can related to this feeling too..thanks for shared this

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))
thanks for sharing what your feel here with me..its mean a lot for me ..
thank you

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by ktgirl

But, just like my pdoc said the first time I met him (which I hated him for):
"You have to trust someone."

Unfortunatley I would probably have responded, "oh no I don't", and would have headed for the door.
You do when you are very small, but when you grow to be an adult you don't HAVE to. I should know.
however ...there is a very high price to pay for not trusting someone. Avoidance can become automatic, and next thing you know you realize you are just sitting at the water's edge, watching it flow past and never getting in it ....

We take our chances with so many unknown people - co-workers, our regular doctors whom we have to change from time to time, etc
at least with a T or Pdoc the theory is that they're in this line of work to help you; there may not be a match between you two but people are complex, it may take some time to find the right one.

Hang onto your courage with both hands, and go. More often than not, what results will take your breath away. hugs to you

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((((sittingatwatersedge))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for the inspiration and encouragement. I liked what you wrote.

I was taken aback when my pdoc said that, and a little angry?? or resentful??.....IDK..... but as usual, kept my mouth shut about it.

And I absolutely agree - there are so many people in this world that we are supposed to trust automatically (add police officers, clergy, lawyers) - and we do take our chances with them.
If you get burned by someone it makes it a lot harder to trust, but if you don't can you really get by in this world? Maybe that's what my pdoc meant - eventually you have to trust someone with something - no matter how big or small.

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))
iam really grateful aall of you want to share ur experience...
thank you