[chaotic13]

Have any of you ever planned a plan of care for yourself? If so, did you present it to your T? If yes, how did that work for you?

The last two weeks I've applied the medical module to myself, selected two problems,reviewed the literature, and outlined a plan of care for myself.

I haven't replaced my T...In fact, I realize that I cannot treat myself and I need my T's expertise. Also in doing this little exercise...I'm wondering if I truely have become obsessed and delusional. I want to discuss this with my T but I don't want to risk pissing her off.

I personally haven't. But I think finding that balance, between helping yourself but also letting go and trusting your T to help you, is a hard one for everyone. It doesn't sound like you've necessarily gotten obsessive/delusional, merely that you wanted to investigate your care for yourself. I guess I would just consider whether there is any downside? Are you doing this because you don't trust your T to help you? Are you afraid to just let go and let yourself feel whatever happens in therapy? Do you think by not letting go you are keeping yourself from having a trusting growth experience? I have no idea if any of this applies, it's just what popped into my mind.

You sound very motivated and committed to your personal growth/care, and I think that's great. I'm sure your T won't be offended by that.
But as you note, there are some things you can't really teach yourself (especially some of the relationship things that you have to experience with another person), so that's worth considering, too. Good luck!

[chaotic13]

Notme9,

Thanks for your comments. I don't think my mapping out my approach to address these issues is really because I don't trust my T. I think I did it because I realized I was kind of unconsiously doing things to help myself. Unfortunately, I didn't have the correct focus. Now I've learned more about the process and theory of a technique, I'm considering testing it out. My plan really focuses on refining things I'm doing outside of the therapy session. However, if I'm going to do it, I want to do it right. I need my T's help and guidance so I don't just retraumatize myself.

IDK, I'm probably just caught in some "got to fix this" obsession. This activity probably just highlights pathological thinking... Not a real healing plan. Then again, the last time I follow a treat- thy-self inspiration, I changed GPs and and got what I needed to get my ADHD under control and the outcome has been very good.

[sunrise]

I haven't made a plan of care for myself as I don't have enough expertise in therapy, but I have experienced enough therapy to know that some things work well for me and some things don't and there are other techniques, I'm sure, that I am not aware of. Given my lack of expertise, if I were having a problem with something and wanted to have a plan of attack, I would probably tell that directly to T and see what he suggested, or work out a plan together. I really depend on T to be the therapy expert, and he depends on me to be the expert on myself. Together, we find something that's a good fit! (I'm very big on the team approach to medical care, not just in therapy.)

chaotic, I think your desire to create a plan shows extremely high motivation, which can lead to swift forward progress. Your T will probably be very pleased you are so motivated to move forward. I will be curious to hear what she thinks of your plan and whether you work together to modify it, or maybe she will just say, "good job, go for it!"

[deliquesce]

it sounds to me like you're being hard on yourself - why would taking initiative to try and fix things be anything other than great?! pathological, obsessive, delusional are NOT words that come to mind.

i study psych, so i pick up bits and pieces all the time. not anything that i've formally evolved into a "plan", but just little strategies which i think have been of use.

with pdoc - he and i are equal in my management. i will bring up possibilities, he will bring up possibilities. we tweak each other's plans until we are both happy. in fact - these days he *won't* prescribe me a medication until i've done my research on it first. he encourages me to take initiative, i don't see why your T would be any different.

[Kiya]

T had me do one up... can't remember which forum it was posted in for help... maybe DD? But we've never looked at it since *grin*. Sometimes she references it...

[sunrise]

If T had my ideal plan of care for me, it would probably go something like this:

--be empathetic to sunny in session
--sit in the swivel chair instead of on the couch so you can move closer to her
--smile with your eyes and laugh with her, and sometimes cry with her too
--self-disclose when appropriate, because she finds that therapeutic
--ask her about " ", her male ego state
--work with her on her teen/young adult years (possibly including more EMDR or ego state therapy) because she has told you before how important this era is and you have always ignored her
--leave your iphone in your pocket
--ask her about her dreams because she loves to analyze them with you
--work on the future with her, how to figure out what's important to her, and how to take steps to make those things happen
--occasional hugs work wonders
--call or email her once in a while, just for kicks
--and whatever you do, leave your f**king laptop on your desk

[chaotic13]

LOL. :-)

The PofC I designed had little to do with what I T does or our psychotherapy sessions. The plan I developed is a series of short duration (<30 min) safe touch structured massage therapy sessions delivered by a certified MT. What I wanted my T's help with was designing some somatic type of exercised that I could lead myself through during these sessions to help me tolerate focusing IN and allowing me to ...as Levine describes it "renegotiate" and move through my trauma loop.
I would then journal/process and then work through problems that arise from what I experienced in my psychotherapy sessions with her. IDK...its an unrealistic plan because I well I haven't worked through some of the specifics. I don't think I am ready to attempt this yet.

[phoenix7]

you have put a lot of thought into it - I dont think your T ld be upset with you - you are attempting to help yourself get better and that can only be a good thing

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

LOL. :-)

The PofC I designed had little to do with what I T does or our psychotherapy sessions. The plan I developed is a series of short duration (<30 min) safe touch structured massage therapy sessions delivered by a certified MT. What I wanted my T's help with was designing some somatic type of exercised that I could lead myself through during these sessions to help me tolerate focusing IN and allowing me to ...as Levine describes it "renegotiate" and move through my trauma loop.
I would then journal/process and then work through problems that arise from what I experienced in my psychotherapy sessions with her. IDK...its an unrealistic plan because I well I haven't worked through some of the specifics. I don't think I am ready to attempt this yet.

this is a good idea, chaotic. i'm sure your T would be impressed. my old-T suggested something similar once, but i wasn't wanting to work on that stuff so we never pursued it.
just because you don't have all the details doesn't mean it's unrealistic. it just means it's bare bones atm. bring this idea up with your T, and she may be able to help you fill in the blanks.
good luck .

[chaotic13]

IDK... I think have kind of calmed down with this issue. I seem to cycle through ups and downs... last week it was a problem, this week it isn't. I'm thinking today that my touch anxiety is challenging to deal with, but manageable. I think the more I try and FIX it, the greater the chance of making things worse. I can't cure myself...its just the way I am wired...and that's OK

IDK, today I am not liking the idea of talking about my touch issues with T. If the topic presents itself tomorrow I'll likely float some of my ideas to see what kind of a reaction I get. IDK...just let the session go where it goes, right.

[phoenix7]

Do what feels right to you - when the time is right you will discuss it and hopefully get past it

[chaotic13]

I mentioned that I did a detailed self assessment of my trauma cycle and created a plan of care. Of course I did this near the end of the session :-) she seemed interested in here it.

[phoenix7]

so did you get to discuss it?

[sunrise]

Chaotic, that's great you were able to bring up your treatment plan with your T. I really liked your plan and remember thinking, when I first read it, that what my T sometimes tells me is so true, "only you know what you need to heal." There is no way your T would be able to come up with your plan because she doesn't know what you need like you do. I hope you can discuss the plan further with her next time.

[chaotic13]

My T has been really good at respecting my judgement on things. So far she has not once bulked or dismissed any concern or issue I've shared. When I express fear about her rejecting me or something I've presented...IDK the fear is real, but... It must be a transference thing, because her real actions don't justify it. This week I told her about not wanting H to be apart of my therapy. She asked me some questions about why I felt that way, which I answered and she seemed to accept my position on it.

I have a good T. I just am still fearful to use her sometimes... But I'm getting better at it.

[phoenix7]

Yeah!!!! Chaotic13 - it doesnt matter if its tiny steps - as long as there are steps! you are making good progress - well done

[Kiya]

that is good, chaotic - it sounds like you do have a good t. =)