[sittingatwatersedge]

Someone recently wrote >> Sometimes it's hard to even recognize the feelings or where they are coming from... <<

Read an online article yesterday that struck me, and I decided to think about it at home when I could have some quiet time.
Last night I mentally went over the points of the article, then wrote down something about my own behavior, and tried to relate the two.

To my surprise, tears came up and I cried out loud - not loudly, but aloud - for a few minutes. It seemed like forever.

I was very concerned to realize that I had no coherent thoughts - I did NOT know what my feelings were or where this was coming from.

when just starting out with T, she commented that I had pushed my feelings down so far and for so long that it was as if I couldn't connect with them any more. Guess I have been kidding myself that I have gotten any farther forward, I thought I had but apparently not.

[Christina86]

No such thing as "square one" again, since you've realized your behaviour and you're trying. Sometimes thats all we can do.

I still have times where I can cry or scream and not have the foggiest idea why. I also still can't label emotions for the life of me - I have: tired, angry, sad/depressed, hungry, "emo", anxious (still hard to identify) and crabby. Or something like that... the "My Mood" thing here almost covers my range of moods. Kinda sad.

Next time something like that happens, perhaps journalling would help?? I know that writing what happened (ex. "I was crying but I don't know why") sometimes leads to me finding my reasons. Free association writing it's called - just put pen to paper and write. Dont think about spelling and punctuation - write whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt. It at least tells you were you've been emotionally so you can come back months/years from now and see how far you've come!

((((((((((sittingatwatersedge)))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((SAWE))))))))))))))))))))))))

Not square one!!!

Sometimes we just feel sad. I bet you have a lot of old sadness wanting to come out. It's okay to cry a little and not know why. When we do that, we're probably healing a little bit. And that's good.

Lots of gentle for you.

[phoenix7]

not back to square one - you were triggered and you reacted - you are letting the emotions out and that is a good thing

I am wondering what the article was? maybe something you need to discuss with your T

[sunrise]

sittingatwatersedge, I read your post and thought wow, she's making a lot of progress. So it didn't sound like square 1 to me! You let yourself cry. You didn't push it down. I think before being able to name our feelings we start being able to feel them.

[mixedup_emotions]

It's confusing....and such a challenge to put a reason behind the tears. I agree that journaling would be a good thing. I am planning to start doing the same. Even though I may not be able to put a reason for things on paper, I can at least describe what happened before, during, and after an event I want to document....and my feelings....It'll feel incomplete without the reason....but perhaps a pattern will emerge.....

[sittingatwatersedge]

Thanks to all of you for your help. That is the best thing about PC, there are so many wise and caring people who can help you see more clearly.

Phoenix asked

Originally Posted by phoenix7

I am wondering what the article was?

an integrative therapist writing that one's "life scripts" (also known as core beliefs, if I understand it rightly) are reflected in one's fantasies. I made a list and didn't like what I saw, not at all. And yes, this is something I need to address with T, tomorrow in fact, and I'm scared stiff at the prospect.

[phoenix7]

I will come with you in spirit and sit in the waiting room with a warm blanket, a cuddly, some chocolate (if I dont eat it that is) and a nice hot drink.

[Mouse_]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Someone recently wrote >> Sometimes it's hard to even recognize the feelings or where they are coming from... <<

Read an online article yesterday that struck me, and I decided to think about it at home when I could have some quiet time.
Last night I mentally went over the points of the article, then wrote down something about my own behavior, and tried to relate the two.

To my surprise, tears came up and I cried out loud - not loudly, but aloud - for a few minutes. It seemed like forever.

I was very concerned to realize that I had no coherent thoughts - I did NOT know what my feelings were or where this was coming from.

when just starting out with T, she commented that I had pushed my feelings down so far and for so long that it was as if I couldn't connect with them any more. Guess I have been kidding myself that I have gotten any farther forward, I thought I had but apparently not.

Recovery is something that happens whislt we busy going to therapy , baby steps is the best.

[peaches100]

Sitting,

While reading your post, i also didn't think you were at "square one." Before, your emotions were pushed down. Now they are starting to come out. More self-understanding will follow. You'll begin to see the connections. I know you didn't like what you wrote. But it's often those uncomfortable insights that move us forward.

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Someone recently wrote >> Sometimes it's hard to even recognize the feelings or where they are coming from... <<

- I did NOT know what my feelings were or where this was coming from. :

Just knowing this is a progress.

Xtree

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

I will come with you in spirit and sit in the waiting room with a warm blanket, a cuddly, some chocolate (if I dont eat it that is) and a nice hot drink.

thanks so much!!
The blanket is a good idea - T's "waiting room" is really just the end of a very bare hallway, with 2 stackable chairs. oh - and... a door that leads outside. this was bad design, it's hard to wait there and not think about just fleeing...
I will be very glad to have yr company Phoenix. Very anxious about this particular meeting

[phoenix7]

Here's the blanket