Ever made a mistake you could not fix?

I have made a mistake i cannot turn around. I am still in love with my ex. Now i am with someone else and i am stuck with them. I find myself crying all the time, i have hurt myself, drank until i passed out. I find myself looking forward all day to just being able to go to sleep so i can see him in my dreams... He was always there for me and still was. i got scared and stuck and got married, i could not get out of it he would talk to me aftter this happend and hug me and we would cry in each others arms knowing nothing can ever happen again.. Due to me being absolutely stuck he now has given up on me and stopped talking to me.. I was heartbroken before but now i have nothing else to break. I just feel empty, lost and alone. I wish i could go to sleep and wake up in the life i dream of. that my dreams could be the reality and my life could be my nightmare...

Sally71487,

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.... I know what your going through, I myself fell in love with someone I can't have and it make's me want to die.

I'm sorry I have no answers for you as I have no idea how to fix my own problem.

We're here for you.

I'm sorry your hurting. You can get out of your marriage tho. If you are really serious. Walk away. Put your personal stuff in a bag and walk out the door, if you are that miserable. You don't deserve to be so miserable. Where there's a will there IS a way. I hope you do something to change your situation ~gentle hugs~

yes i have and have been on both sides of some .love is a funny thing it never goes away,and while its hard now it will get better we forget the bad things and just feel sorrow. you must feel something for the guy your married to? right he is the only victim. maybe just find a place of your own and do nothing with nobody for awhile (except a good female theripst) no body deserves what your are doing .Sorry but thats the truth and i dont mean to make you feel worse

In a reply to this. I did not want to go into the situation because its on an old post. i was pushed into marriage and guilted by him. he is from another country and hated where he was, told me he would kill himself if i did not marry him because he did not want to go home. he knew i did not want it, he has taken all privacy away from me and treats me like i am his dog who must obey him. He puts me down and screams in my ears when i am trying to sleep, shoving his knee against my back calling me all the names i was called when i was bullied in high school because he knows it hurts me. He went through all my old pictures, emails, conversations and things in general thrownig away or deleteing what bothered him but keeping all my old memories that were none of his buisness glued in his head and uses them against me. Secrets i had with friends he uses as blackmail to get what he wants. i have ended up bruised and hurt. a month ago i tried to kill myself because i was so depressed and felt trapped in the relationship, i cut my arms horribly and drank until i passed out my twins boyfriend ran in and found me and started freaking out. Everytime i try to stick up for myself he turns it around to make me doubt myself and feel guilty even if it was him who made the mistake. He cheated on me last year and turned it around to say that it was all my fault for not being around enough, he said i should be punished and i was not allowed to hang out with my friends for months. i lost many friends because he made me tell them they were not good enough and all i needed was him. I have to delete all my browsing history because he needs to account for every minute of what i do when he is not around. i tell him i am constantly sleeping. whenever he is at work he comes home and says okay tell me what you did, all of it, dont lie to me or leave anything out, i have to keep a log of what i do every hour or he does not believe me. You really do not think he deserves me to fall out of love with him?

(((((((sally)))))))

hi girl! i'm so sorry i didn't respond to your last pm. i'm horrid about PMs. haha, i had to capitalize that so it didn't read pms. sally, i thought you were going to leave this guy. you are being horribly abused. you are not meant to be together with him in this life or any other and there are no ties whatsoever from past life stuff. that was one more lie that that psychic lady told you. i'm worried about you. if this guy tries to harm himself it is not your fault. he is responsible for his own life as we all are. you can be with this other guy but you need to get out of this marriage asap. i am worried this marriage is going to destroy you. if you need support to be able to leave him please contact a domestic shelter. i found something recently online and it's about various types of abuse. it's called the power and control wheel and i think you'll see this guy's behavior in it. please take care sweetie.

Hi,
I am so sorry for your situation.
Is there anywhere in your town that do womens refuge? Quite often cities have places where women can go in confidence and they will help you to safely remove yourself from your marriage and they will give you a safe place where you can live or at the least they can offer you support.
I think there are also certain times in your life when you need to be selfish and think about yourself, try to maybe put your needs first and try to find any way you can to get out of your situation. Its really great that you manage to go on this site though, i am finding it very useful and a great support.
Lastly, your initial post was saying how you made this mistake with the guy, is there no possibility of writing a letter to him even and explaining your position? I don't know if this will seem weird to you but you could even use the feelings of love you have for the him to keep you going in your marriage and to keep you strong?

Sally71487,

Please do not harm yourself, he's the one that needs to suffer.... not you! You need to do whatever you can to get away from him, he is just playing head games with you... he's a controlling idiot. We care for you, get out now!

i am so sorry to hear this. did you know there are terrorists out there are that are less extreme than your husband? you need to get out of this marriage. Perhaps your husband deserves what is waiting for him in his own country. Keep us posted and good luck to you.

There's not much question that you're in an abusive relationship and the two most important things you can do are to get out quickly and get out intelligently. Expect him to try to stop you or, once you get away, to try to find you (to make you come back, to silence you, or to punish you for daring to leave, or most likely all three.) Prepare as well as you can; choose your time as carefully as you can; then go, and don't look back.

Having said that much, I started looking around the internet for sites with more information for you and found this:... and lots more, here (Domestic Violence toward Men & Women:
Recognize the patterns and Get Help) That hotline sounds like an especially good idea; there's likely to be someone there who knows a lot more about dealing with situations like yours than any of us do.

If you should find yourself thinking you owe him something and don't deserve to be free of him just yet -- it's perfectly OK to have such thoughts, just finish getting yourself to someplace safe before you stop to entertain them. FWIW, I'd say you owe him nothing and he already owes you more than he could possibly repay.

Good luck, and be sure to cover your tracks well.

things are getting better. im in a seperation with my husband right now, he is staying to pay off some of his debt he made but then we are getting divorced. he lives in a different room then me and the only time we see each other is when he needs a ride to work. FInally seeing how it is to be free and it feels good. I even had some hope thrown my way yesterday . Does anyone believe in coincidence? or fate? i went out with my bestfriend yesterday and she was super psyched about having a chance with her ex, she was going through pretty much the same dilema as me except for instead of being married she has a baby with him. Same type of controlling mean guy though. ANyways... She was all happy because this guy she always loved told her he loves her and wants to move in with her and take care of her ect. I was really happy for her, a little jealous because as some of you know my ex wouldnt talk to me for awhile. but i ignored the jeaolusy and literally was so happy for her, me and her decided to go out for ice cream this far away place probably like 40 min away, we got there and it was closed so she was like okay what now i dont know anything else around here, so im like lets wing it and find something, we ended up taking an exit that actually leaded to my favorite mall so we decided to get sushi there. going around the mall she went in the wrong side that we do not normally go into and she parked up right next to my Ex's car... i knew it was his because not many people have it, its like a rare little yellow convertible.i was like omg... im like i guess hes in the mall... we went into the entrance of best buy and he was standing right there. he worked there... i was like ahh i got scared that he was going to yell at me for annoying him or ignore me again but he waved at me to come to him so i did and he was like " You... i need to takl to you... and smiled im like oh no.." and he pulled me over around the corner and told me he was sorry for ignoring me that he was goig throgh alot, i found out that his grandma, aunt, dog and bestfriend died within the past few months, i couldnt believe it i knew all of them i wished he would have said something i felt awful. he told me that he found out about my meltdown where i hurt myself and the thought of losing me just made him angry and upset and he couldnt deal with anything so he just ignored everything. i told him i was getting divorced soon and he was like i guess life is looking up for everyone huh? im like hmm? and hes like i knew that would happen eventually just was hoping sooner or later you would realize he was wrong for you. Then told me he needs some time to himself for awhile but not to take it as ignoring and then held out his pinky and was like pinky swear me... we will talk again i promise, i will pop up back in your life soon, were both going through alot and its best if we wait it out a bit and then we can talk and hang out again. i was so happy from this all i wanted was for him to talk to me and i got it. life is looking up for me, Thank you god . Sorry for long post all of you lol my fingers just keep going lol.
*Sarah

O-o-o-K. So far, so good. But I still hope you'll look into your options and get a safety plan together in case things should take a turn for the worse later.

sarah, i am soooo happy for you!

I helped myself. I got free. He has left, i sent him home. it was the last straw, i could not take it anymore, he put all my wedding photos on fire and when i tried to grab them out of his hand he punched me across the face. ended up with a bloody fat lip. then he shoved me and lifted me while i fought him where my head hit the ceiling light and broke it, fell on top of all my broken picture frames of glass on the floor. my sister heard me hysterically crying and saw my face and attacked him punched him and he hit her. we ran into my room and locked the door. Next day (Saturday), we had him out on a flight back to where he belongs, not in my life. Things got as bad as they could before they getting better. As they say " life is always darkest before the dawn". Sunday was the last day of that life. i start a new chapter. Last thing in the chapter of bad was my sweetheart dog that i had for 15 years passed away on sunday. thats the last of it. the sign off. I am not taking anymore. im going to make whatever gets thrown my way into a postive and work with it. I am gonna start taking control of my life. Smile even if it hurts! time to reconstruct.

((((((((sally))))))))

i happened to think of you the other day and figured everything must be working out with getting him out of your life. i am so sorry for what you have recently gone thru! yikes, that sounds just awful. but i am so glad he is out of your life for good now. you tried being generous and giving him time to work out his situation in this country, but i think it's for the best he went back to wherever he is from. he is dangerous, but he messed with the wrong woman. here's to your new life!

Good for you! Today is the first day of the rest of your life.