possible new relationship making me nervous

So I've been talking to this guy online for months now and he unfriended me twice and friended me back. And he told me he likes me and he had been making some bad relationship choices before instead of the one he shld have (being the one with me) we have really nice chats and the go on for hours some days. I really like the fact his don't automatically turn to sex chat. He has even been talking about really meeting sometime and trying to date. I'm not opposed to it I'm just very nervous. I haven't been with anyone for 3 years and have turned many dwn and avoided them too bcz I wld have panic attacks. I think I worry that I won't be worthy if he sees me in person. I feel like a big fat person(yet I have a normal bmi) that noone can love. I like talking to him a lot though I dnt want to self sabotage things. I'm afraid I may. I walso don't want to get my hopes up in case it really isn't great. My heart can't take much heartache I've been through enuff of that. Maybe I just need to stop thinking about it. Nothings happened yet. When we meet we both have to decide if we like the other. Maybe I'm beginning to feel inadequate and ugly and don't want to be rejected by someone I can chat with so easily. But its never the same in person. Maybe ill be all blundery and not as attractive. I just need to stop there this could go on forever.

Have you been to a Dr. over your panic attacks? They have meds out for it. This will really help you with the anxiety.

I quit going to the doctor about a year ago. They sent me a notice recently to tell me they were going to put me on inactive status unless I came in. I never responded. I dnt want to go any more that's a whole other subject in itself. So I just suffer instead. Figure I've lived with it this long why not and in some ways I deserve to feel like crap

You don't deserve to feel like crap, and the reason I was asking about your anxiety, is because I suffer from anxiety. The meds have really made a difference in my life. If you don't mind me asking you, why would he un friend you, and then become friends with you again. Even if he has had bad relationships in the past doesn't give him the right to be mean towards you. You know if a guy is really into you, your anxiety isn't going to make him run for the hills. Personally I would be careful with getting to attached to this guy, and it is not because of you. It's because of him coming in and out. I would tell him that if the two of you meet and both of you end up having a relationship, that your not going to put up with running in and out like that. IMO that is just leaving you on a string, and you don't deserve that. You know a lot of men do go for just looks. Not all men are like that. They do have the ability to look beyond looks. (no, I'm not saying that anything is wrong with you, you seem nice to me) A real man will love you for who you are, and not try to change you. When they do love you, they do their very best not to make you feel insecure.

He actually made 2 new profiles for reasons I dnt know. Problems with other ppl is my guess.so I had to be refriended.but I count it as unfriending. I have taken antianxiet meds in the past and ran out of my prescription. And I don't have a doc anymore. I'm afraid to go ask for it I always feel like they look at me like I'm an addict comeing in for a fix. I hate it because I'm failing taking care of it without med. I think I may need to find a new doc. I hope someone beleives me. I'm always afraid they think I'm making it up.

You know I have had thoughts like that to how people look at you. Now I don't care. Everyone knows me where I get my script at, but they never say anything to me. I know those stupid attacks really make it so, so difficult to live. If you need to go to the Dr. then you just need to go. A regular MD can write out a script to. I have had to do that a lot, but now I have my own PDOC, and she just adjusted the meds for me. As far as the guy, just be careful with him, because he may run in and out. I bet it does seem strange that he has two different things on his messages or whatever he does. It would make me wonder too.