[jchryl]

two months ago i found out that my live-in bf for almost 6 yrs was cheating on me. now i am jealous all the time.. i wanted to know where he goes, who he's talking to. i even check all his calls every hour and i don't really like what i'm doing but i'm afraid that he would cheat again. there are days when we are okey, we don't fight at all but then the following morning i would start nagging again and we're back to round 1. this jealousy and insecurity that i'm feeling is creating a gap between us and it makes us exchange words that are not even healthy anymore. this morning he was telling me to leave the house and when i told him after i find a place to go, he told me "do you think somebody will take you in? you don't have any friend, you're nothing". it hurts to hear the truth sometimes. i just hurts to be all alone.

[lotusflames]

i know this might not be what you want to hear but if he's cheated on you then there's obviously a fundamental issue there and maybe that's what you're picking up on? If you dont trust him how can you have a relationship?

Perhaps the relationship has just run it's course and you need a break from eacho ther to assess what you really want

[yupitsme]

((((((jchryl)))))
I have been in your shoes.. my hubby cheated on me 8 years ago, after being together for 4..
We got past it, but it did get ugly with trust issues, jealousness, etc...
If your relationship is meant to be, you'll get through it.. if it's not.. well, you won't. I really don't have any advice or words of wisdom.. but I've been there. You aren't alone in the way you are feeling, and it's perfectly normal, the way you are feeling. Things sometimes get worse before they get better...
Don't listen to the awful things he says to you.. IMO, they are words of control..
(((HUGE HUGS))) Take care of you.. it will get better, with or without him..
Hang in there..

[0ldsoul]

To be honest, I don't have much nice to say about the situation, so I wont. But for him to do that, AND then decides he should try and bring your morale down with further mental abuse..... You don't need that.

DO NOT allow a lesser person to influence the way you feel about yourself, ask yourself what grounds he stands on that make him so mighty that he can judge you? Has he influence on what friends you have and when you go out to? Just like Yupitsme said, its a control mechanism, he fears you leaving so he does his best to control your mind regarding it.

You have already shown what a wonderful person you are by actually giving him a second shot, keep your chin up no matter what you do and good luck.

0ldsoul

[jchryl]

oldsoul: actually this is the second time he cheated on me. first was in 2006 then now with different women.

[poorlittlefish]

I'm sorry to say that leopards rarely change their spots. He cheated on you the first time and he must have seen the devastation it caused, the hurt, the upset, the consequent jealousy. He should have learnt from that experience and realised that seeking a quick thrill wasn't worth all the pain but the fact he's done it a second time (and is emotionally abusing you too) makes him very self-centred and selfish. You know deep down that you can do better than this. You may find yourself happier without him and you'll certainly be able to find someone else who can cherish and respect you.

[william1971]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand how any of you stay with your significant others after they've cheated on you (and some more than once). It makes no sense to me. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! Do you really want to be with someone who thinks so little of you that they do these things. What does this say about yourself?

Wake up people! There's a life out here that doesn't include or entertain the cheaters of this world, live it!

[0ldsoul]

I am very sorry to hear that.

I will admit that I agree with porrlittlefish. You seemed to seek support while staying with him, so I did not get into the 101 reasons why you should toss him, but give me permission and I will is that on your mind? or are going to stick it out with him no matter what?

Its a tough spot, one I cant help but not understand fully from either side, one thing I have found is that unfaithfulness is not a situational "thing", its a moral "thing".

I hope you find the strength to deal with this what ever the outcome.

[0ldsoul]

William posted a second before I, and again, very true points.

[jchryl]

oldsoul: for now i'm sticking because i've nowhere to run to.

[Shangrala]

If that's the case...That you're sticking it out, buying yourself some time until you do find somewhere else for you to go, then I'd be driven to do JUST that.....Seek out another avenue. Do NOT settle for what is going on, and begin to prepare yourself both emotionally and financially.

I'm afraid that until you begin to take control of your situation and create the change that you want to see happen for YOURSELF, then I really wouldn't expect much emotional support or understanding from others if they pay witness to you allowing this loser to continue to abuse you like this.
I understand forgiveness the first time, but my lord.....the second?...and what about when you WILL have to deal with the third, forth...etc? You have to ask yourself, just how much ARE you willing to allow this to continue?...and IF you do allow it to continue, not only will it depleat your opinion of yourself, but that of others toward you, as well. It will progress to the point where not many, (if any at all), will be empathetic to your situation because YOU are allowing it to continue.

Seek improvement for yourself. You do NOT deserve this..not from him, or anyone.
Control freaks are much like a plague...until you find yourself a cure, they consume the life out of you and not many wish to be exposed to it.

Treat yourself as though you are your best friend asking for support in this situation. What would you tell your bestie?....."Hang in there?...It "might" get better?" NO! You'd more than likely tell your bestie, "He's a loser. Get away from him as soon as you can".
BE your OWN bestie!

I wish you the best.

Shangrala

[0ldsoul]

Originally Posted by jchryl

oldsoul: for now i'm sticking because i've nowhere to run to.

Well, imo, you may want to consider focusing on changing that maybe. Being with a person and enduring abuse for the sole purpose of having no place to go must be difficult. Maybe spend some time opening up those options if you can, during the sticking it out phase. Assuming that is indeed the only reason you stay.

0ldsoul

[0ldsoul]

ha, I am a slow typer, Shangrala beat me too it, posted at same time.

I think her more "indepth" reply was bang on and I must agree fully.

0ldsoul

[Shangrala]

Gawd...You know....
This really IS a hard situation to be in. I was there myself at one time. I know the scenerio and the compromises from the allowance of said situation to continue. I lost my support from those who cared about me because there was simply nothing they could do FOR me as I allowed this to continue.....not to mention how much it was hurting them witnessing me allowing this to continue.

I realize that I may sound brass and blunt, but there really is no point of sugarcoating the realities here.

jchryl....ONLY you can decide how much you are willing to tolerate. So long as you strive for betterment, other's will be willing to support you through this, but no one can do this for you.
If you abandon yourself, (by allowing this to continue), you can bet others will abandon you, as well.
THAT is the reality of it.

Again, I wish you the best. And I'm confident that you will do what's best for you.

Shangrala

[Queenie55]

I am so sorry that you are feeling stuck in this situation with this man
It hurts when men cheat
I hope a friend or family member can come through

[sweetypie]

i have been cheated on a few times

it hurts like hell

if you let it, it'll destroy your self esteem

don't go there
don't let it damage your psyche

you are more than that
you are better than that
you deserve the very best

[jchryl]

thank you for the words and wisdom and support i get from each one of you who posted on my thread. i'm now starting to make a path for me to follow and be able to be stronger. thanks again.

[jchryl]

I'm trying my best... I really am
But it's not easy
I'm sorry.

[TwiceBitten]

What your boyfriend is doing is called emotional abuse and it's wrong. Get out of this relationship now. It's worse than getting your ***** kicked every day, trust me.

[NuckingFutz]

It is time to make some plans. This from the other woman who did not know at the time she was the other woman. I even told her to her face we had sex. She took him back even though he also is a felon, drug user, liar and financed his car through receipt theft, and hasn't paid rent to her since november. Do not let this happen to you! So build up a support network...this a great place to start.

[AAAAA]

Oh his attitude doesn’t sound good at all. I think it’s time to kick this guy to the curb! Being with a jackass is NOT better than being alone.

[NuckingFutz]

Well, it is time to make a plan. The first thing an emotional abuser will do is isolate the person they are victimizing is to isolate the person from the people who care and love the victim. This is how they keep the victim stuck. They learn all your vulnerabilitis so they can learn to exploit them at the right moment. But we here at pc are here to help. You are not alone. Please keep reading and writing and asking for support. I know you feel jealous about the other women, but after a bit of charm, my experience has been finding out the guy is marrif then the abuse starts. I met the gf once, turns out he did not treat her any better. Love, nuckingfutz