[Wickerman1]

I have been dating this girl for the past 5 years. Last night i made out with a friend of mine. I have always been loyal to my girlfriend. Today i feel like i don't deserve to live and i don't deserve my girlfriend. But i really love her. I can't leave her. Please suggest someway to make me feel better other than telling my girlfriend about it.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Wickerman1

I have been dating this girl for the past 5 years. Last night i made out with a friend of mine. I have always been loyal to my girlfriend. Today i feel like i don't deserve to live and i don't deserve my girlfriend. But i really love her. I can't leave her. Please suggest someway to make me feel better other than telling my girlfriend about it.

Hello Wickerman and welcome,

I don't know that I know anything to say that will make you feel better. What you did wasn't cool, right? Sounds like you are feeling crappy because what you did was crappy. Was it planned? Was it spurr of the moment? How does your friend feel about what happened? What does this mean for the future, if anything? If you don't tell your girlfriend, is there any way she will find out some other way? You need to ask yourself all these questions.

What if the roles were reversed. What if it were your girlfriend who made out with a friend of hers. Would you want to know? Would you be understanding if the circumstances were reversed?

It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do about it. I'm not going to tell you whether you should tell your girlfriend or not. I don't know either of you. What I can tell you is that if you need some further support after you think these things over a little further, we are here and will always be happy to help you in any way that we can.

Its all to do with becoming an adult you make mistakes you stand up and face them, its hard ! I suggest you confess to her as this sort of thing can eat away at you inside and do more damage.

Its happend it wont go away so facing it and dealing with it is the only advice I can give.

[Wickerman1]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

Hello Wickerman and welcome,

I don't know that I know anything to say that will make you feel better. What you did wasn't cool, right? Sounds like you are feeling crappy because what you did was crappy. Was it planned? Was it spurr of the moment? How does your friend feel about what happened? What does this mean for the future, if anything? If you don't tell your girlfriend, is there any way she will find out some other way? You need to ask yourself all these questions.

What if the roles were reversed. What if it were your girlfriend who made out with a friend of hers. Would you want to know? Would you be understanding if the circumstances were reversed?

It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do about it. I'm not going to tell you whether you should tell your girlfriend or not. I don't know either of you. What I can tell you is that if you need some further support after you think these things over a little further, we are here and will always be happy to help you in any way that we can.

Hey ,

Thanks for the reply. I and my friend, both are feeling crappy about it. I dont' know if i would want to know if my girlfriend made out with her friend. I would be understanding as obviously coz i got no choice. And nothing was planned. It just happened. My girlfriend will not find out about this. But this thing is killing me. Should i tell her at the right time ? or should i just forget about it thinking of it as a big mistake ?

[jerrymichele]

Maybe you should tell her if you fell that bad about it. A kiss is bad, but you didn't sleep with her either. Your gf might be more forgiving then what you might think.

[VickiesPath]

Hi Wickerman,

I agree with JerryMichele. If your friend feels bad about it, too, and you don't think it will happen again, then I would tell your girlfriend. Remember that you are doing it to honor your girlfriend with honesty and to free yourself by confessing the truth to her. Yet realize that you have no control over her reaction. Be prepared for whatever happens.

Someone once told me, "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."

[AAAAA]

Hello Wickerman1, and welcome to PC.

I know you want ideas other than to tell your girlfriend. In my opinion in a relationship honesty is thee most important thing. By telling her you will ease your conscious and not worry about her finding out. We’re all human and we make mistakes, by telling her you’re telling her that you can trust her and she can trust you. If she were to find out in any other way she’ll wonder why you didn’t tell her. Is there more going on? The response you didn’t share because it didn’t mean anything will not suffice. Secrets have a way of coming out.

I guess it all boils down to what you and she find most important in a relationship. I’d also do a little soul searching to try to determine what possessed you to engage in this behavior to begin with.

[thunderbear]

Hi wickerman. I know how you are feeling right now I have been in the same situation. I weighed on whether to tell my husband that I had cheated on him or not. To ease my consience I told him. It has it's benefits and it's not so good things. My husband does'nt trust me like he used to and he still can't get it out of his and it still hurts him even though it's been over 3 years. It's a tough situation. But you do what you think is best. Would you want to know if your girlfriend did that? And how would it make you feel? Of course people will have differant reactions to this kind of stuff but it's still something to consider. Good Luck buddy. I know this is hard

[Donna_N]

It would be selfish to tell your girlfriend unless you plan on breaking up with her. Telling her would make you feel better, but you would be trading your guilt for her pain. You made a mistake, just don't do it again, and don't hurt someone else to ease your guilt.

Just my thoughts

[jerrymichele]

I just would like to add one more thing. If you do tell her, and she stays with you, she's going to want you to end the friendship with the friend. So you will need to decide if you want to keep the gf, or the friendship if you tell. If you think this might get back to her than you should tell her.