[SeptemberMorn]

RE: The "motivator" I posted this morning where I said "he" was driving my neighbor and I to distraction. I told him that his rudeness in making my neighbor "wait until I finish my beer" was rude and bordered on abuse. I got yelled at and no doubt there will be hell to pay when he gets back. No way am I getting anything out of him today and I'll be given the PRICKLY silent treatment the rest of the day.

All day I've been gently "suggesting" that we do some of the work that SO BADLY needs done around here. He's been avoiding by making jokes and playing "cutsie."

SONOFAF***ING*****!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I PUT UP WITH IT?????????

[Wants2Fly]

Oh, well, sometimes these things just pop out of us. The steam that is building up has to find a release!

Don't worry, the storm will pass.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((SEPT)))))))))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

I didn't yell at him. In a calm voice, I asked him if it would make any difference to him if I told him his rudeness bordered on abuse. I meant every word of it!! I stand behind my statement! This is his MO to keep from taking care of his responsibilities and to get out of doing anything! What else was I supposed to do?? My skin was crawling because my neighbor was very patiently sitting in the living room waiting for HIM to get done with his beer! That was just an excuse! My heart was pounding and my blood pressure is still up!!!

ARGH!!!!!

[SeptemberMorn]

The %#@&#! hit the fan!! He broke a memento from when my best friend and I went to see Phantom of the Opera. I had already reached my limit and I yelled at him. As he walked out the door, he said he didn't need this %#@&#! and he wouldn't be back!

Now the games start; him withholding money... heaven knows what else.

I CAN'T ALLOW MYSELF TO GET BAD ENOUGH TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPSPITAL!! I CAN'T!! I CAN'T!! I CAN'T!!!

calm down, breathe deeply.......don't project...just try to be calm enough to think of a plan........okay???? xoxoxo pat

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm calling Art!! I've been here before... STUPID ME!!!

[Kathyanita]

Sept-
you asked him the question that you need to have answered "would it make any difference to him if you told him . . .etc"
It seems it did make some difference in that it gave him his carte blanche (in his mind) to act out even more. This is a childs mind in a grown body that has the resources to do the harm of an adult. He cant be corrected w/o throwing a tantrum so you have to act on that understanding to protect yourself. I hope you are able to keep safe physically and emotionally from this because it IS abuse childish rage coming from an adult. I really dont know your situation but this is what I feel I can validate here.

[MacD]

Ah wouldn't life be nice if our neighbors were always nice and normal...? My first neighbor (as a young married) turned out to be schizophrenic and had my butt going crazy trying to "protect" her from the enemies that she "knew" lurked in the apartment complex...I was so young...so dumb...lol...but now...you're just dealing with a plain old A ss H ole..and it's got you down....My Advice?.....Is the same as the training I received from the hotel industry in handling customer complaints....NEVER GO TO THEIR LEVEL....It's what they expect and what they want......Baffle them by maintaining a controlled and polite demeanor no matter what they dish out....And You will greatly enjoy their discomfort and confusion.....love grace

[SeptemberMorn]

Kathy, you're right on! I feel like I want to validate your "rightness" but can't find the words. It's as if it was you that has lived with him for the last 30 yrs instead of me. Thank you so much! At least now I know I'm not the "bad" one.

Don't know what this is going to come to but no doubt you'll hear about it.

Did as I said, and got ahold of my neighbor, Art. In a way I feel bad, because he thought I was hurt and was crying when he got here. For a minute there, I was doing the consoling, but it didn't last long. He didn't dwell much on what had happened after he made sure I wasn't injured physically. From then on, he just cut up and acted like his crazy self. He practically carried me in the house along with the paraphanalia I have to travel with.

For a split second after I came in and Art left, I felt bad and started cussing "him" out because I saw my broken memento. But like I promised Art, I'm going to fix my Napster and get all that going again, and by golly! I'm not gonna have that %#@&#! pissing me off!

Thanks, everybody for your support. It's been a long time since I've been this close to what feels could be a disaster. I've got some heavy duty desicions to make in the next few days.

[vacantangel]

Tomi. I'm sorry that things are not good for you. That sure is a hard position to be in. Are you dealing with this in therapy? Please keep safe, physically AND emotionally. I pray that you come to a decision that you feel very comfortable with and is healthy for you. You're in my heart, thoughts and prayers.

((((((((((((((( Tomi ))))))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

AG, I've had over 10 yrs of therapy and my marriage is one of the things that started it. He's not going to change and I'm not going to lose myself again. The only thing that will change for the good is for him to come to the realization that HE needs to change some things. Like I said, that's not going to happen. The only thing left to do is for me to decide whether I'm willing to keep putting up with it... or not.

As for finding love and happiness, my time is past. There's nothing wrong with being content with my circumstances if I choose to live alone. I've been there before, too. It wasn't half bad. Of course, my physical condition hadn't deteriorated like it is now, but there's ways around that, too. It's just the "getting from here to there" that is going to hurt. I'm no stranger to pain, either, both emotional and physical. We've established that I'm a tough old broad. I am for many reasons. This is just more of the same. Being tough is good.

Your thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated. No doubt I'm going to need them in the days to come, so keep 'em coming.

[SeptemberMorn]

I had a friend like that, too. When she wore me out, she no longer wanted me as her friend because I wasn't GIVING! I wound up in the psych ward because I gave so much!! I don't need to deal with that stuff anymore. I refused to be her friend again after she figured I had recovered.

As for being calm and polite, I've been that way too long. That's what finally drove me over the edge. He allows himself to act out his childish tantrums but I always have to stay cool, calm and collected and never have ANY reason for being upset with HIM. It's over. I've had it.

[vacantangel]

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that there is anything wrong with being alone. I'm alone myself. Well, me and the 2 cats. It's not a situation that I'm content with but many women are. Happiness doesn't have to include having a man in your life.

I think you're right, if he's been like that for years, seems content with it, there's not much chance that he is gonna change, so it is left up to you on whether you are going to accept being in the relationship or not.

Whatever you decide, I wish you much peace in that decision and for life afterwards. I think you are a very strong woman and I have no doubt that you will make the right decision for yourself.

Prayers are ongoing without even asking. Please keep us updated.

Sept, I left my marriage at 48....a lot of my best years, I thought, were behind me. well......my blood pressure went from 150/90 to 120/70.....I only regretted that I had not left sooner...I am admitting that it was a horrible, scary time in my life. I was driving the rental truck, Tippy, sitting beside me, and bawling. I actually bawled for four hours and then I got mad!!!!!!!!! And I do mean MAD...that was the turning point. I'm here and so are tons of others to listen and support you........pat

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((((((( Sept ))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear all tshoe things are going on... i hope things calm down quickly for you soon.

tomi, hope i didn't hijack the thread.....i related my experience because it sounds like you're trying to make your mind up about your options. let us know if we can help. pat

[SeptemberMorn]

I know you didn't mean that there's anything wrong with being alone. I'm sorry if I made it sound that way. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself that I'm going to be okay.

[SeptemberMorn]

You're right on topic, Pat. Don't worry about hijacking my threads. Can't happen.

Know about that anger. I'm trying to put it to good use now. There is still some indicision on my part but I'll get it figured out.

I've lost many of the good years of my life to a few things. I've grieved my losses and moved on. There is still a very small spark of the "incurrable romantic" left in me but I know it's hopeless. This man only goes from bad to worse. My "acceptance cup" is full to the brim and can't accept much more.

I don't know... the next few days will be tough. Don't need any regrets, either. That cup is full, too.

Money will be short and I'll probably have to give up a lot of the things that make my life easier. This is when I don't like being "a tough old broad." LOL

Anyway... I appreciate your "ear" and your support. It's good to know that I'll be getting some back...

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks, Silver. I do, too.