[Pejae]

My girlfriend has told me that she will be staying overseas for a year and a half . This means not seeing her at all during that time . Nor do I have the money to call her all too often . Can send her letters I guess , and I do like doing that . But still , no being physically with her at all . I have barely been able to go longer than a week without losing it / freaking out / breaking down . If I don't see her or atleast talk to her then my mind goes bad and anxiety and paranoia and unhappiness just takes over . Obviously a bad thing . Best avoided . How do I do that though ? How do I cope ? I would really appreciate suggestions / advice / instructions .

If more information is needed , just ask .
Thank you .

MSN ? SKYPE ? YAHOO ? Chat rooms ? Email ? Texting ? Web cams ? Lots and lots of ways .....

[Pejae]

I have noticed that I always read the wrong emotions in things like text messages and MSN . Like , she will be happy and say something simple and I will interpret it as she is in distress or being hurt . It isn't good . We have both agreed already in the past that talking to one another through text isn't wise . Thank you though .

What about voice on skype ? I think you can do it with msn too.

[Pejae]

Possibly . That is actually a good idea . Just have to hope she brings her computer . She doesn't like computers . Unfortunately , fact remains that she will be gone for so long . I know it would be good for her to experience the world and it isn't forever but the idea of being that long apart is kinda hard .

[VickiesPath]

Hi Pejae,

I love your avatar, by the way. It's beautiful.

If this separation is going to cause such anguish for you, what is it going to do to your gf? You have not talked much about that.

This might be an ideal time for you to look into therapy for your issues of insecurity. You seem to have your gf's best interest's at heart and that is a good thing. However, you yourself do have issues. Would you be able to use this time to address those? Or, could you use this time to do something for yourself, such as take up meditation? It may help with some of the insecurities you experience. I am not sure of your background but some of the philosophies behind a few of the meditation styles are very helpful with promoting inner peace and serenity. Just a suggestion.

[Pejae]

Thank you Vickie .

I'm not sure what she will be thinking . The idea that she doesn't actually care to see me , or she isn't as bothered by it as I am . But I know we are close and that isn't true . But still can't seem to stop thinking that . It is all weird and muddled . So I just try not to imagine what she feels about it and go on what she says . All she says is that she will miss everyone . In a pretty bland way . And that just doesn't seem right . I don't know . All very confusing for me .
And yes , I do need to do something for myself . Meditation has been recommended over and over but I really would not know where to start .
I am seeing someone about all my problems , have been for a bit . Doesn't seem to be working very well at all .

And my avatar is the logo for Opeth . Just thought I'd mention . Promote the greatness of the band .

[jerrymichele]

If you two love each other than she's not going to want to stop talking to you. Really I can't see anyone moving that far away without having communication with their family. That would be very hard on a person. If this is something that she really wants to do, than support her with her decision. Life would be very boring if we never took chances.

[Pejae]

Of course I am supporting her with this . It's something that really needs to be done for her . And I imagine there will be communication of some kind . What I am wanting know , is how to cope with her being away for so long .

[AAAAA]

I know I sound like a broken record BUT open honest communication without guilt or manipulation is the only way to make this work. As Tishie mentioned you have lots of tools available to you, MSN, Skype, Yahoo (list goes on) all have voice chat.

You have got to agree that you will take what she says at face value. When you "imagine" what she's thinking you're making her accountable for what is going on in YOUR mind. If/when there is something that doesn't sit right with you YOU have got to say "what did you mean by that" and accept the answer at face value.

You also need to take responsiblity for your own feelings. If you depend upon her to make you feel good or happy, this relationship won't work (nor any other).

You have a unique opportunity here to learn to self-soothe and comfort. What I find the most helpful is to remind myself (even as the paranoia and anxiety runs wild) that this is all really a figment of my imagination. OWN those feelings, realize that while they FEEL real and they're horrible, YOU still control them.

My husband and I were able to do it before the technology of today, when long distance calls were only for emergencies. We did it with letters and the occassional phone call. It can work.

[Pejae]

Thank you very much AAAAA .

I do intend on writing letters to her .
And the odd phone call if something serious comes up .
And I shall give the voice chat a try .

Guess I will just have to put up with not actually being with her .

And I really am trying to take everything she says at face value , but there is always the more negative interpretations of what she is saying in the back of my head and I can't just remove them .
Or atleast , I don't know how to .

Thank you all , I feel less confused about this whole thing now .

[sweetypie]

hey hon

first i'd like to clarify that SKYPE (when used as a voice chat WITH webcam) is much more than a phone call.

real phone calls are great - and you CAN use SKYPE as a phone call withOUT a web camera
i have done this and it is the same (maybe even more clear) than a traditional land line

when used WITH webcam (which i do often b/c my boyfriend is in the u.k. and i am in the u.s. and we get to see each other roughly 3 times a year ouch)
it is an excellent form of communication
you CAN mess things up , confuse things, in emails. or msn. or yahoo chat.

even a phone call withOUT facial expressions - well it's hard at times

but combined w/the visual it is a great way to keep a relationship going strong despite miles of physical separation

i know these will be long months
if you have something real and worth keeping, between the two of you - it will work out
it won't be easy
but the best things in life are NEVER easy
here if you want to talk
xx

[Pejae]

I shall try and get a webcam then . And hope for the best .

Originally Posted by sweetypie

i know these will be long months
if you have something real and worth keeping, between the two of you - it will work out
it won't be easy
but the best things in life are NEVER easy
here if you want to talk
xx

And thank you for that

[AAAAA]

Pejae that fact that you know that there are negative things in your head is half the battle. The next step is before you get yourself worked up about something remind yourself that these are your thoughts and have caused misunderstandings in the past.