I need strength

((((purplefFyingMonkeys))))

Thinking of you and sending you many loving thoughts and gentle hugs as always. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. We are here for you no matter what. Thank you for trusting us enough to share this with us. Your courage speaks to us all. Take care.

dps

One avenue to explore is contacting husbands CO. The military has strict rules about these things, the money he gets for having dependents goes TO his dependents.

I don't know what to do right now. Things are such a HUGE mess. Mentally I am feeling wonderful. My schizo symptoms are gone, my alters went into hiding... I haven't taken my meds and I've been happy. Actually happy. Things were GREAT to begin with. Wonderful. Now they aren't so great.

I'm staying with family right now and it's not good. They live in a small 3 bedroom and already have 6 people not including me and my daughter. I have slept in my car every night since my third night here. I am basically homeless right now. My daughter sleeps inside in a crib but I sleep in my car.

Everyone here is always SO angry. Always yelling and fighting and spreading lies and talking badly about everyone. The two kids here are so mean to my daughter and hit her all the time. I got a job to get money to get out of here but it didn't work out too well.

My Grandmother and I made a deal. I had gotten a part time serving job where I only worked 6 hours a day 3 days a week. She said she would baby sit my daughter and I could pay her. Things were working out and I had just finally gotten done with training. Than at 4am the day I was about to go to work, she takes off and leaves town. Missed work that day because I don't have a backup on Saturdays.

Than this past Friday I was supposed to work. I was getting ready for work and doing my hair and I hear my aunt (a year older than me) tell my Grandma she's going to Savannah. My Grandma says she has to stay to watch my daughter since my Grandmother wanted to go for a drive. My aunt said no than proceeded to tell my Grandmother her "brilliant" plan. They ended up sneaking out and not telling me a danged thing! My Grandmother crawled into the backseat of a 2 door sports car just to blow my off. Didn't come back until that night. Obviously after the second time I was fired.

My boss knows the situation and knows how badly I need money so she's letting me work when I can until she finds a replacement. I can't find another job. I have $3.50 right now and need gas and diapers and food. My ex wont pay me the money he owes me and his 1st sgt doesn't even care. I have no money, no way to get money.

I need out of this place, the anger, the name calling and the somewhat violence... For instance... My Grandfather (step) thinks it's playing around but it's really not. I was walking into the kitchen and he stopped me and used his cane to hook around my ankles and try to trip me. When it didn't work he took the can and pushed it against my neck and me against the wall... Litterally cut off my breathing for a sec. He was just "horse playing" but when you JUST leave a relationship where you were being choked in a non humerous way, it's not fun to be reminded of it.

I don't know what to do. Since I didn't go straight to the womens shelter here, tried to make it work with family, they wont take me now. No homeless shelters here which my daughter doesn't need to be around anyways. no way to keep a job, no place to live that isn't my car, no money for anything at all... I'm slowly wasting away and don't know how to dig myself out of this huge mess...

I'm a mess... This situation is a mess... I need help but don't know where to turn... Will things ever get easier?!

(((PFM)))
I wish I could take all your pain and hardships away from you.

Mental health agencies help out with things like this, also have you tried welfare? Churches help out too, if you get involved.......

(((((PFM))))),

Just keep knowing that you are still in a better place now then you were then....& yes, it does get better.......the thing you need now is a good advocate for yourself.

Know where I moved to, they have community mental health programs.....I was too afraid to go there at first & wouldn't go to the one in my own small town.....but the neighboring town has psychologists, not just social workers.....also psychiatrists & they are on a sliding scale....& if you can't pay, that's ok too. I found the best psychologist I have ever had in all my 15 years of needing help......she really cares & has even got another person to come out to my house to help me deal with what's going on in my life there (they check out the stressors you are living around daily)......so that she can work on the other issues that are deeper inside......wow.....someone really cares about how I am & what kind of help I need.......this is what you need to find.....as they can help guide you to a safe place in your life so you can start getting it together again.

That grandmother of yours sounds like......well, I'm not going to go there......sad she doesn't care about you more she does......definitely a dysfunctional group that you really don't need in your life right now....... Finding some mental health help....& maybe finding a church that could guide you also might be just what you are in need of right now......looking for that advocate that can guide you into a safe place....that advocate being a professional....that knows exactly what you are in need of & will care enough to help.

God will provide......keep asking & we will keep praying,
Debbie

I would get a hold of the shelter again. You can also go to the Salvation Army, they would be able to direct you in the right place.I would also have a talk with your boss asking her if you can come back after you get your situation under control. I think that if you explain the situation with the shelter, they will let you come. Besides that, you would have a bed to sleep in instead of a car. If you need some cash ask the guy your seeing if he will loan you some money. Keep posting. There are places in the community that will help you, but you need to go find them.

Thank you everyone for your comments! I think I will try some of the things suggested!

With my husband, lately he keeps sending me less and less money. He is required by the Army to send me 800$ a month. This month he somehow conned me out of 400$ and sent only 300$. Now he says he wont pay anything at all... Than even after his selfish ways I tried to be the mature adult and let him spend his vacation with her.

I was going to drop her off at his parents house and let him spend 2 weeks with her at his parents with their supervision. I had my rules laid out as well, like no taking her out at night, no leaving the town with her, keeping her safe and healthy, playing with her and all of those things. I also told him hers and my situation right now with the money. I told him he needed to send money on the first.

I told him that if he didn't care enough about Alyssa eating and having clean diapers than he would send the money, and if he didn't than he didn't deserve to see her.

He agreed to give me money. He did however say he wouldn't give me a dime until I dropped her off. I told him send 1/2 on the first and the other 1/2 the day I drop her off (to help moving out... I plan to get my own place while she's gone and move in to make it easier)

He said no, he would only give me one check at the air port when I picked him up...

This is when I realized what he is doing. He is trying to control me right now and I will not budge. I am in control, I call the shots with my daughter and I am being nice enough agreeing to let her spend time with him, and he's still trying to control the rest. Even without him he thinks he can control me. I wrote him back after that....

I told him he WILL follow every one of my rules and I will not budge. If he doesn't want to follow my rules he will not see her.

I feel so empowered now! I knew I was free before but not until this moment did I actually FEEL free! While everything is a huge mess, a wreck, I still feel powerful and like a new person!

I was physically free from him since the moment I left, now I feel emotionally free from him as well! I am a new woman and I feel like I'm on top of the world right now...

Now I hope that since I am now free of his control, will I become free of the insecurities he instilled in me?

I want my confidence back, I want to love myself again and I want to love every bit of who I am. I have the control back and I see only self improvement from here!

(((((purpleflying monkeys)))))

I think it is beautiful you feel like a new person, you are free....I read your post with tears of joy in my eyes........

Contact Jag, the Red Cross, his CO, chaplin on base and/or Family Services. This money is paid to his specifically for the family, the military does NOT mess around with this. Keep bugging them. Tell the ex you're not going to mess around with him anymore. If he has any sense at all, he will know he's going to end up in the brig shortly.

If it were me, I'd notify his CO (base CO)first. Politely explain that you are at your wits end and are planning on contacting the above along with your senator's and representatives (state AND federal) They really do not like to mess with family issues. Even if you don't have anything set legally, his CO is going to tell him to get his family baggage taken care of NOW. You can get the email addresses for senators and reps online. As I said previously, his status as active duty gives you avenues that civilians do not have.

(((((pfm)))))

Draw the strength from your daughter if you can. Do it for you, do it for both of you. Keep the faith. Sending positive vibes your way!