[Shaymus]

So my girlfriend and her daughter had a big giant fight today. Nothing physical but the daughter was pretty nasty. Im assuming in trying to hurt her mom she was yelling how im not mentally ill, i am lazy. Also that im such a giant burden and whatnot. Things like that. Now i know she said these things in anger. Also i know that every single mental health person ive been to has disagreed with her. I still am having trouble getting over the pain/anger of her words that wernt even spoken to me. I feel stupid for that. Im sure its no coincidence that the very things im most insecure about are the things she attacked and id like to ignore it but i just cant. What are some things i can do to get over it or put it past me? At this point im dealing with it inside my head like when i was a teenager(im not gonna do anything for her under any circumstances, im going to avoid her, etc). Ive controlled myself enough to where im not gonna yell hurtful things at her, even tho i wish i could lol. Just curious what others do and have done in the past that might have worked.

Shaymus, do you ever write down the things that bother you as much as this does? Journaling? Do you have a close friend that you could call or go see, to vent? I'm sorry that the daughter went off like she did. Some of it can probably be attributed to being a teenager but some of it was just plain rude. I'm sorry she hurt you. Pat

[Shaymus]

I do! I journal quite often and i say a lot of the hurtful things in there instead of saying them to her face. Thats a great idea actually and im silly for not doing it since i write in it almost daily. Sometimes it really helps and other times i just work myself up into an angry frenzy but eventually that wears off and it gives me a place to release at least.

I dont have any friends really as i dont enjoy irl humans and like people over at my place even less.

I also tried going to the park earlier today and just being alone and watching two groundhogs(gophers? no idea really) play. It was a nice distraction but then i got home and she was already over it and showing her mom her new hair style lol which foolishly made me angry again(angry in the "sure she chops my heart in half and forgets about it a couple hours later and then dumb me is still fuming/crying" sense).

Anyway im off to vent in the journal, thanks again.

[jmo531]

Shaymus,

I can remember when I was a teenager and I would always say the most hurtful things I could because I knew it hurt. I also never gave it a second thought because I was a selfish, self centered teen ager who didnt care about anyone but myself. I can say this now because I know my behavior was unacceptable and wrong. Point is, I dont think that she understands how hurtful those comments have been to you. You would think she would but she probably doesnt. My suggestion is to pull her aside and have a little sitdown and explain your feelings and that her comments are very hurtful and ask her to please stop. I know that ppl might think this is bad advice but in my experience, teenagers just want to be treated and talked to like adults. If you approach her that way she may be more receptive to your request and cease with the awful comments.

I am sorry your going through this. I can imagine how hurt these comments make you feel. (((((((((((((((SHAYMUS)))))))))))

Take care.

[Shaymus]

Oh man, me too!! I still cringe at some of the things i said when i was a teenager. I at least was heading toward my room as i said my nasty stuff tho. So on some level i knew i was acting out.

One of the things that bugs me about this is recently i started therapy again(had to wait til they had someone else with an opening) and when she asked where i was going i said i had a mental health appointment and she said why you doing that? You seem fine to me. I said well this cant be as good as it gets and i want to be better. I really think she believes im not mentally ill. Just cause i havent been in the psych ward since dec doesnt mean i still dont have those thoughts tho. It would seem wrong to me to tell an 18 year old who has her own stresses and things to worry about tho. I also dont know if id be able to keep calm. I get angry pretty easily. Fortunately 99% of the time i can keep it in and vent it to gf or journal. Heck prolly 100% of the time in the last several years. Im also kind of afraid if one tiny bit sneaks out the flood gates open and i make her feel like i feel now and i dont have the raging hormones of a teenager to blame for my outbursts. And she doesnt have the coping ability of a 30 year old and im not handling it all that well myself. I usually like this kind of advice for other people, probably cause i wish i had the ability to remain calm and discuss things without getting defensive.

Plus the chicken in me thinks that in two weeks we are moving and she is moving out so hopefully that would change our relationship into more of an adult to adult one. Instead of the now sorta-adult to child one lol. I cant think of any more excuses of why i cant

[dovemt]

Hi Shaymus,
It's the classic triangle of three people, you, your ladyfriend, and her daughter. A good defense to not getting dragged into a mother-daughter argument is to stay neutral - no matter how provocative the daughter becomes. Nothing worse than getting involved in a "cat fight". If you wonder if your GF shares some of the same sentiments as her daughter, then I would recommend you have a private discussion with your GF. This should help to clarify your position with your GF. HTH. Laurie