[uoffl]

I'm scared...'cause I'm staying at my parents' house this weekend and my boyfriend is at school. I'm scared whenever I'm away from him because if I'm not there, and he feels doubtful about our relationship, he'll want to break up and how am I gonna be there to calm him down, and comfort him? It's much harder to do that over the phone. It's hard to do it face-to-face too, but at least I can hold him. I just missed my family a lot, and I really wanted to see my sister and Mom.
I can't sleep now. I'm crying. I shouldn't cry. I need to work on myself. I'm driving myself crazy with all these thoughts. I'm just...ahhhh!!!
I'm sorry it sounds so confusing, thanks for listening, I just needed to get it out of my head somehow. Sorry again for such a confusing post, I think you'd have to read this long long thread I posted a little while back about my situation. I'm just....I just need to re-collect myself and just breathe.

[jensasweetie]

(((uoffl))))

[jenkins09]

Hi there. I'm sorry for what your going through. I know you probably know it, but it's not your job to "calm" your boyfriend down. I read a really great book, and I see your a college student, so I dont know how much time you would have..but..It helped me immensely and its called "Co-dependancy no more." I loved it. I did not realize how co-dependant I was in my last relationship. I felt like I had to go out of my way so my wife would not get angry or blow up. After some great therapy and reading this book I now realize that it was never my job to worry about HER anger, that was her problem. I hope you find comfort in this and let his issues be his, be it insecurity or whatever. You will never be able to convince him enough and it will suck the life out of you. Good luck in school and enjoy the time with your fam.

[VickiesPath]

Melody Beattie wrote Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself more than twenty years ago and it is the foremost publication on codependency. She wrote several other books on the subject. I am so happy that you mentioned this book, Jenkins. I think everyone who is in a sometimes painful relationship should read it.

[Trying & Caring]

I became so dependent on my boyfriend (now my husband) & he broke up w/me when he went away to college (he was 2 yrs. ahead of me). It devastated me. I was ready to fall apart, but then a friend told me to that it would be desperate to follow him to the college he was going to (as had been the plan).

So I applied to another univ., went there & got some independence. He came back after about 3 mos. begging me to come back w/him. By this time I had dated some other guys (1st for me as we got together when I was 15 & he was 16) & I wasn't sure about getting back together. Well, my independence & reluctance made him pursue me all the more. Before I was so dependent on him, that it was not healthy. Now--I was an attractive person as I was a "complete" person, able to be on my own.

Don't be desperate or think you have to "take care of him" somehow. If he is the "one" it will work out without your having to put a lot of effort in it. Develop yourself & you will become much more attractive to everyone--including yourself!

[marjan]

This is not good for you at all....It's not your job to comfort him....It's better to let him alone and he figured it out by himself....trust me...he will be there for you...nothing will happen....but if you keep thinking negatively, then not a good out come with happen....
I was always like you....but now I know no matter what I do, I can't hold into somebody if that person has doubt or not ready or not wanting me.....
Just be relax and enjoy your time with your family.....you don't want to miss this time, then later on you will regret....
last summer I was always chasing this guy, thinking if he doesn't see me then he won't want me....and I missed all the fun part spending time with my niece and nephew who were here from London.....my ex-bf went after another girl finally, and I miss my family reunion....how sad this can be?
just meditate and pray....it will calm you down....take care sweet heart....
Marjan

[Pomegranate]

I agree with what others here have said. If he gets "doubtful about the relationship" when ever you two aren't together, something is wrong. Let it go, let him go. If he has serious feelings for you, he'll figure it out and be back. If he doesn't come back, you've saved yourself from months or years of living with this anxiety and fear. Take care of yourself and be open to a new healthy relationship.

[uoffl]

Thank you everyone for replying.
I'm okay now. I know everything everyone said is true, but it's hard to do sometimes. I've recently just gone through some hard times, I still don't know if my life is back on track yet, and with medical school application going on, it put a lot of stress on me. I feel as if I'm not out of the tunnel yet, so I'm trying to rebuild my life one step at a time, but sometimes I fall back one step. I'm trying though.
Thank you all again so much.

[turquoisesea]

(((((uofll))))))

wishing the best for you

[billieJ]

(((((((((((((((((((uoffl))))))))))))))))))))) Boy did you get some great advice above! and couldn't possibly add to the above. Just wanted to add my support. And btw, uNOToffl! billieJ

[marjan]

If he's giving you this much tension, then this relationship is not good really....
you want to go to Medical school...wow...that's great...but then you need all your attention to your study instead of wasting your energy on thinking about this guy....trust me guys are coming and going in our life....more you are relax in a relationship, more your relationship gets stronger....
take care
Marjan