[marjan]

I'm trying so hard to change and to improve myself....I try to think positive and to stay away from stressful situation....

I've been going through so many challenges in the past year and so....and I'm still alive....I don't want to go through them...as I want to put them behind....

Past is gone...Past is dead...and future hasn't arrived yet....I want to live in present and I try my best....but I need your idea, your help...

I know the key to success is trying hard and try different ways....but how?

Give me some ideas....how to change? how to stay happy? how to sleep comfortable at night? I can't remember the last time that I went to bed and slept good....and I know what the problem is...my useless thoughts and stress over being lonely and getting old....then I can't sleep at night....I'm afraid to get to bed and have all these thoughts.....how can I fix it?

thanks a head of time....you guys are awesome....I'm so glad to be here...
Marjan

[lynn P.]

Hi Marjan,
you ask some very difficult questions. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a magical way to be happy. It seems like we're always searching for the elusive happiness. It's also different for each person so what works for one might not work for the other. You hear people say "if I had _____ I would be happy or "if I find this job or this person I would be happy" - always searching for what we don't have. I think one major aspect most people are missing, is to first be thankful for what they have at this moment - even if it's simple like a roof over your head etc. Then you need to figure out what are the attainable goals that would improve your life.

One of the most important ingredients to a happy life, I think is to live a balanced life. Also it's important to treat yourself well with healthy eating, exercise and relaxation. It's fine to think about the past and learn but don't dwell on it. You also don't want to focus to much on what will happen in the future because we only really have this moment. This brings us to living in the present and living a mindful life. Think of how many terminally ill people who would love to have another chance to live a few more years if they could only have their health again. I think you should for now, just concentrate on getting yourself centered and don't worry to much about finding a partner. These are just my opinions and there are many other ways to improve a persons life.

For sleeping I think it's important to leave your worries at the door. Make your room nice and peaceful - make sure it's dark. practice deep slow breathing exercises while relaxing one by one each body part. Limit caffeine, don't exercise too close to the evening, don't watch TV or go on the computer too close to bedtime. If you find you're thinking too much have a notebook or journal beside your bed and write down yout thoughts. When you're done close the book and imagine this symbolizes you're done worrying. I hope this helps.

[sabby]

Hi marjan!

I am happy to share with you how I began to find my "happiness". Maybe it will help give you some ideas on where to start.

One of the most important things to me was to find a way to give of myself to others. I felt that I was way to self absorbed and needed to break free of that. It wasn't that I didn't care about others, that's exactly why I decided to volunteer my time.

Once I decided I wanted to volunteer, I had to figure out exactly what kind of volunteer work I wanted to do. There are so many organizations out there that need volunteers. I have a lot of different abilities that I could bring to any organization.

I wrote a list of places I thought I might be interested in volunteering at. I proceeded to call them and ask what kind of work they had for their volunteers and if they were in need of any more. From there, I decided what I would be happy doing and what I wouldn't be too happy doing.

So I was able to narrow it done a lot by doing that. It finally came down to the fact that I wanted to be very proactive in something. I didn't want to stuff envelopes or do office work or clean bathrooms LOL. I decided on becoming a CASA/GAL. Stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate/Guardian Ad Litem for abused and neglected children.

As difficult as it was to imagine these wonderful babies and children being hurt and injured and neglected, it was such an awesome job to do for them. What I did was to make sure the child had everything it needed. I would interview parents, schools, get info from doctors/hospitals, shop for clothing if needed, food etc. I would then have to compile a court report as my job was to be a voice for the child in court when charges were brought against the parents.

I absolutely loved doing this volunteer job. How it warmed my heart, took me out of my shell (I had to speak in court ) and it definitely took me out of being self absorbed!!!

When I was really wanting to make changes in my life I knew it had to start within me. Sounds like you are figuring that out as well. I also made a list of things I wanted to work on for myself. I took one thing at a time and as I was successful at it, I crossed it off my list. In this way I was not so overwhelmed with everything I wanted to do and I didn't try to do everything all at one time (which is impossible). I made some really good improvements in myself and I'm so thankful I did. This is how I became comfortable with myself, I learned to like and love myself and I found out I didn't NEED anyone to fulfill me, I could do it myself.

I hope you can find your way through this. Take the time you need and deserve to make your changes. These things don't happen overnight. I'm sure you will do just fine!

Be well!

[AAAAA]

Marjan, I would definately talk to your doctor about getting something to help you sleep at night. It is a battle I struggle with and I know that minor things become major when you're not fully rested.

It's really good to have long term goals, but not at the risk of over-looking those minor battles you win every day. Try to be content that you've made it through another day. This economy has put a lot of things in perspective for me. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. All of my necessities are being met, I have a lot to be grateful for.

As for being lonely, we're here for you. In your day to day life, if a pet is not a possibility, concider volunteering at an animal shelter. You'll meet a lot of caring people, who knows where it may lead.

If you spend your time dwelling on where you should be in your life, you're not enjoying where you are. We cannot fight the clock, spend your time and energy working on those things you can change like diet, exercise and a healthy lifestyle.

[marjan]

Thanks for helping me.....
I agree with Sabby about giving to others....that always make me happy....I was thinking about Volunteer jobs, but not sure how to start....where to go...and it should be something that I can do in my spare time....because I have full time job....I thought about pet, but I'm not really a pet type of person....I love dogs, but I don't know what to do with it when I'm not at home....I feel selfish to leave the dog alone at home.....
What I'm looking is finding a peace within myself....not being too worry about future or so much regret about past....live today....
I will dig more into volunteer jobs....that was a great idea....hope I can find something that I'm good at and can help people....
thank you so much for being supportive....and I'm so glad to have you guys here

[jerrymichele]

Marjan you are such a sweet person. Personally, I think that you have done really well handling everything that has happened to you. When things seem dark for me, I try to see what lesson I need to learn from the experience.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

Marjan you are such a sweet person. Personally, I think that you have done really well handling everything that has happened to you. When things seem dark for me, I try to see what lesson I need to learn from the experience.

Thanks Michele....I try to learn from my misfortune too....but I want to have some inner peace....and I think doing good to people is the key....Sabby is totally right....and interesting that tonight one of my friends told me that he's doing this volunteer job tutoring homeless kids....he told me about big brother or big sister organization....I really like to give my love and attention to kids....and i'm going to find out about it....
I think I don't want to waste my time in bars and clubs any more...it's okay once in a while but not too much....
I feel like my whole life I spent time and energy how to please myself and what I like or not....from now on, i want to turn the table around and make sure that if I can give and if I can make somebody else happy.....
I love kids....and I think I can educate them and give them joy and happiness....hope I can....
thanks again
Marjan

[VickiesPath]

I posted this somewhere else not too long ago. I'll repost it here. Don't know if it will help you at all but if it does, I'm happy. If it doesn't, just let it slide.

In the movie Castaway, Tom Hanks' character had to have four things to survive on the island four years in order to make it until someone rescued him. These are the four things:

1) A goal - to get off the island and marry his girlfriend
2) A purpose - to deliver the packages once he got off the island
3) Something to do - build things, gather food, learn to make fire, etc.
4) Something to care about - Wilson

Sociologists tell us we can create meaning in our lives with these things. I have found also that my relationship with my Higher Power helps me because I don't have to carry my burden alone, whatever that is at the time. I cannot overemphasize how much this has helped me in my life. I turn very troubling things over to Him when I don't have answers.

I also agree with AAAAA, there are times when we need some help with our troubles and our doctors can help us with meds temporarily.

[Pomegranate]

Marjan You have made so much progress this year already!! You may not see it, but I do. Trying to live in the now is very good. Going to a doctor to get some medication to help you sleep is very necessary I think. And that you keep seeking to better yourself, to find peace within yourself is great goal, a wonderful adventure to be on! Keep looking for your answer and you will find it. Take care.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by marjan

Thanks Michele....I try to learn from my misfortune too....but I want to have some inner peace....and I think doing good to people is the key....Sabby is totally right....and interesting that tonight one of my friends told me that he's doing this volunteer job tutoring homeless kids....he told me about big brother or big sister organization....I really like to give my love and attention to kids....and i'm going to find out about it....
I think I don't want to waste my time in bars and clubs any more...it's okay once in a while but not too much....
I feel like my whole life I spent time and energy how to please myself and what I like or not....from now on, i want to turn the table around and make sure that if I can give and if I can make somebody else happy.....
I love kids....and I think I can educate them and give them joy and happiness....hope I can....
thanks again
Marjan

Thats is really good wanting to help others Marjan. You know when my ex-husband and I split up, I went threw a phase with the bars. Now I can't even stand them.
You know Marjan a lot of people on here have made some good points on here. If your having a hard time sleeping then go get some meds for it. I know that if I don't get the rest that I need it really screws with my anxiety. Sleep really makes a big difference in your mood. I know that you probably don't want to take anything. Marjan you have been threw a lot these past few months. Your dad, your ex bf. That's a lot to deal with all at once. Have you thought about taking a vacation? It might be good for you right now. A little R & R, and some fun would really do you some good.

[marjan]

I'm going back home for two weeks....not sure if I can call it a vacation....but I need to go there and believe that my dad is gone...still I can't understand what has happened....and I cry every day....
I don't want to take any meds....it doesn't work for me, except giving so much side effects....I was taking advil and thynanol's sleeping pills for awhile...but now I'm trying to sleep by myself and not relying on the pills....
I start hiking again....that lift up my esprit...I avoid going to the places that it causing me stress and I avoid hanging out with people that are light headed.....can't stand really....prefer to stay home alone and paint!
but I want to learn and work harder to find the way of peace....
thanks again for your support
Marjan

[Peppermint_Patty]

Originally Posted by marjan

Give me some ideas....how to change? how to stay happy? how to sleep comfortable at night? I can't remember the last time that I went to bed and slept good....and I know what the problem is...my useless thoughts and stress over being lonely and getting old....then I can't sleep at night....I'm afraid to get to bed and have all these thoughts.....how can I fix it?

It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety which also can be a sign of depression.

You might want to see a shrink about this problem. Therapy and medication would probably be helpful for you.

Peppermint

[missmagic]

Originally Posted by Peppermint_Patty

It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety which also can be a sign of depression.

You might want to see a shrink about this problem. Therapy and medication would probably be helpful for you.

Peppermint

You make a good point Peppermint!

Sleep difficulties and worrrying about stuff can indicate depression.

I wonder if the poster has looked into getting some counseling?