[BiscuitTin]

Ok, so I'm a virgin.

The problem is that I am 30 years old and most women would expect me to be experienced at this time.

I have put my profile up on an internet dating site but I always dodge meeting these people IRL. I don't lie to make myself seem better than I am, and I have my picture up on my profile and all, yet I feel that the real me is always going to be a bit of a let down.

Ability to hold a conversation, and I think a lack of personality are my biggest problems. I think I also need to get a hobby just so I can say I have interests . . .

And then there's the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl, ever, so I would have to avoid that if things go intimate.

Just looking for a question to ask to tie this post off . . . How about:

"What do you think I can do to get around this problem, and how can I find dates in real life places so that people can assess me from the beginning?"

[Inny2009]

I dont know if this would be a helpful situation or not. Perhaps meeting someone for date to the movies? I figure that you cant talk THAT much especially at the movies and that would help at least get you to see the person face to face and get to know the feel of being near them that way you would have a better chance of going out again. And after the movie you definitely have something to talk about..the movie..thats always a good conversation. Another thing you could do is when you meet someone and they want to meet in person explain to them that you are quiet and not very good at conversation starters. Many women would appreciate your honesty and will be more willing to start the conversation and help out with silence gaps. Plus when you do meet someone in person then they wont feel like you arent interested they will know your just quiet. It doesnt matter if you dont have experience or not. You are a nice person and thats what matters. As long as you are considerate and ask them how they are. Hold the door open for them, pull the chair out for them. Another thing you can do is make list of questions that you can ask during the meeting. Then...also make answers so you can be prepared to answer the same questions. When you have conversations with people you are comfortable with take note on what you say or what they say..pick up some extra questions that you wouldnt have thought of otherwise. You dont have to have a hobby to have interests. Do you like movies? what movies do you like? Do you like taking walks, or excerising or playing video games? Are you into sports, or dance, or do you not prefer stuff like that but prefer books, art and museums. Alot of people feel they are boring and have no interests but i tend to catch them enjoying a certain type of movie, or have a favorite football team. Thats an interest. If you like football lets say...turn it into a question...Do you like football? If the answer is no...ask...What are your interests? If the answer is yes then What team do you like? Then you can joke together about what team is better and all that. I hope i helped..sorry for my ramble lol. Good luck! Im sure you will find its alot easier than you think and once you do go and meet someone you might have a great time and will think oh my goodness i cant believe i almost passed this up because i was nervous! You might have a situation that isnt all great...at least you met someone new and that will help you in your experience in meeting people.

[perpetuallysad]

BuscuitTin, I've had a life filled with many different boyfriends and 3 long term relationships. The man I eventually married (not until I was 32) was someone had only had sex with one other woman and not until he was 30 years old. They only had sex 3 times, so when we started dating and having sex, it really was like he was still a virgin at 35. I didn't look down on him at all for this or have any negative feelings about it. He's the kindest, most gentle person I know and him not having a lot of sexual partners just fits him...I know that sounds corny as hell. Sorry. I'm not one to care much about what a person chooses to do with his/her sex life, so I honestly didn't and haven't thought one bad thing about his lack of "experience". He is caring and willing to try anything (which is great!). And we are still working on his confidence (sexually). When he told me he was a "30 year old virgin", I thought it was the sweetest thing I'd ever heard. And remember this is the man I married. I have been engaged 2 times previously and backed out both other times. Don't despair, you will find your love, I promise. Don't worry about the virginity thing, that really doesn't have anything to do with finding the right person for you, because the right person won't care and will be willing to teach you and learn with you.

Good luck.

[crystalrose]

if your worried about virginity being an issue. Write that your a virgin in your profile and you would like to take things slower because of that

I would suggest setting up a blind date. That way you will not have any preconceived notions. It may help alleviate some of you anxiety. Just take the first steps.
I also agree with crystalrose. Take the first steps but take it slow.You can practice in the mirror, things you would like to say for a potential date. That way you won't be so nervous.
Finally, and most importantly, just be yourself.

[robin620]

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had profiles on several dating websites. When I met and married my husband I was 36. Before that I had only been "socially active" for about 6 months, and not much of that was physical.

The biggest difference is that I'm female. Most of the guys I met assumed I had experience - and a few didn't care one way or another. Once they knew I was a virgin and wanted to stay that way until my wedding night, they stopped communicating with me.

One thing I would like to tell you from the other side of a relationship like you are looking for - make sure she know early on. The longest "relationship" I had was with a man who could not have a romantic relationship with anyone becuase of his (unresolved - but I'm not going into that) issues. We conversed via e-mail, then phone calls and letters, and a few visits before I moved to where he lived and found out the truth. For a while I was devistated after our break-up. One of my issues is low self-esteem so of course I thought I wasn't pretty enough or good enough in general for him. It took me a while - and a lot of tears - before I realized that it really was him and his unresolved issues. That's when I became "socially active" and looking back, I put myself into some pretty dangerous situations.

Make sure the website you use to find someone meets your needs. I was on some that anyone could be on, found the person I talked about earlier on one that had a spiritual angle so I thought was a good one, but ended up finding my husband on one for people like me. He knew something about me just because I was on that site, and he was looking for someone like that. Kind of cryptic I know. If you want more info I'd be happy to answer questions in a PM.

Hope you find someone who you are looking for, who loves you for who you are.

[seeker83]

Bud, you need to be more active with friends and go to events. I wouldn't do the online dating, it just doesn't happen that way. Things happen in the real world. You have to get out there and experience things. It is ok to feel out of place, that is all about learning and knowing yourself. Once you learn these things you will become more comfortable with yourself and thus be more confident and will be able to start getting what you want out of life. When you get out and about you will run into people like minded like yourself and you will get introduced to girls. All it takes is being honest with yourself and with others. All it takes is normal conversation and getting to know each other and the rest just falls in place.

[A_Long_ways]

I can understand you being anxious about this, but you need to take it one step at a time. The virgin thing really wouldn't be a big deal to most women, and if it is a big deal to someone I don't think it would be the type of woman you would be interested in anyway.

Start with a date, as mentioned above, something that may not involve all that much direct communication at first. Dinner and a movie perhaps, but do the movie first, that way you can break the ice with some small chatter here and there and feel out your comfortability level with her.

Be honest, that is the number one priority in any situation, especially this one. Just tell her you haven't been in many relationships, be it because you've been focused on your career, or have just been a bit nervous. Don't put on a show for her that isn't you, just be yourself and if she appreciates you for that then run with it. If not, then she's probably not your type anyway and keep your head up because there's nothing to feel bad about anyway.

If everything goes well and you feel like you want to make a move, make a small move. A kiss on the hand or the cheek is just as effective as a kiss on the lips, sometimes even moreso. Just try to keep any sort of sexual relations out of your head, you'll wind up intimidating yourself when in reality it probably wouldn't have happened right away even if you'd been with 50 women before her. Don't feel like you NEED to lose your virginity, that is unneeded pressure put on you. Take things at your own pace, put yourself out there, and see what happens.

Hope you find what you're looking for

[Horst3380]

Lots of good advice here that I won't repeat, but just wanted to add something about the kissing concern. Where you say,

"And then there's the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl, ever, so I would have to avoid that if things go intimate."

Dude, don't stress. And DON'T avoid it. I kissed a girl for the first time WAY after all my friends and I used to worry so much that I would suck at it etc, but if feelings are there, it just doesn't suck. Even if you're a bit awkward at first. And you learn QUICKLY! So just take it slow and don't force anything, so that when it happens, kissing, sex, whatever it comes to, it's not something that you're "achieving," it's just happening cause nothing could seem more natural and beauiful. You'll be fine man!! Conversely, I've kissed girls that I wasn't that into and it was just spit and breath and not that cool, even though we'd both kissed many time before. So it's got little to do with technique and more to do with what the kiss means to both of you.

[2cutenika]

Originally Posted by Horst3380

Lots of good advice here that I won't repeat, but just wanted to add something about the kissing concern. Where you say,

"And then there's the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl, ever, so I would have to avoid that if things go intimate."

Dude, don't stress. And DON'T avoid it. I kissed a girl for the first time WAY after all my friends and I used to worry so much that I would suck at it etc, but if feelings are there, it just doesn't suck. Even if you're a bit awkward at first. And you learn QUICKLY! So just take it slow and don't force anything, so that when it happens, kissing, sex, whatever it comes to, it's not something that you're "achieving," it's just happening cause nothing could seem more natural and beauiful. You'll be fine man!! Conversely, I've kissed girls that I wasn't that into and it was just spit and breath and not that cool, even though we'd both kissed many time before. So it's got little to do with technique and more to do with what the kiss means to both of you.

That sound just like mii ***

[atrain09]

You should join a club that interests you. It should not matter if you are a virgin because someone will accept you for who they are. Just take things slow and see where it goes. I personally would be friends with someone before dating them.

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by Horst3380

Lots of good advice here that I won't repeat, but just wanted to add something about the kissing concern. Where you say,

"And then there's the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl, ever, so I would have to avoid that if things go intimate."

Dude, don't stress. And DON'T avoid it. I kissed a girl for the first time WAY after all my friends and I used to worry so much that I would suck at it etc, but if feelings are there, it just doesn't suck. Even if you're a bit awkward at first. And you learn QUICKLY! So just take it slow and don't force anything, so that when it happens, kissing, sex, whatever it comes to, it's not something that you're "achieving," it's just happening cause nothing could seem more natural and beauiful. You'll be fine man!! Conversely, I've kissed girls that I wasn't that into and it was just spit and breath and not that cool, even though we'd both kissed many time before. So it's got little to do with technique and more to do with what the kiss means to both of you.

I SOO have to agree with this reply.
Not to mention that, once in motion, natural instinct simply kicks into play, and viola.
Definitely, yes!, You WILL learn QUICKLY!! (After which, then you'll find that you'll be asking yourself, "What WAS I stressing so much over?").

Give yourself a lil more credit. You'll be just fine.

Shangrala