married men and email correspondance

Hi have thought about posting this for a very long time ,

I began an email correspondance with a man who did not tell me they were married . they accpeted my offer to send them pictures . nice ones just of art work my dog thats all . He would let me share what ever I wanted about myself and I was very open and honest.

After I found out he was married I began correspoding with someone else and our interactions went south as I began to stand uo for myself ,

there was a long period of not writing and it began up again . I had assumed they were not married had gotten a divorse and had comfirmation from a closer sourse that he was not married..

so I began sharing more . I ran into another woman I sensed he was friends with also and fouund they had a email relationship and more . which I did not want to belive. After I found this out I found out for sure he was still maried .

I had already shred too much and would never have shared what I did, But I kept corresponding fr a while longer . I should have stopped and it was an option and he would have respected it .

he had no problem with it obviously and Im sure he did have others and probably still does.which is his perogative.

So what are your thoughts about married men and having correspondance with other women on line ?

As a wife what are your thought about it ? Do you think its okay to do?

And please don't judge me. I had no ill imtentions and I am VERY respectful of marriage vows and also emotional interations and sharing with married men. I just don't go there I keep things very proper.


Patricia

I don't think anything bad about you. I do think that men who do this are going behind their wife's back, and probably cheating on them. Imo I think that you should leave them alone. Sooner or later the wife's will find out. When they do, there is going to be hell with the guy and whoever he is cheating with. If you was to get involved with him, he would do to you, what he is doing to his wife. If you ask me he's a cheater, and a lier. I would never trust him.

I agree theres no reason to judge you - it's not like you're actively seeking out married or attached men. I think if a married man is corresponding regularly with a woman then he borders on the line of emotional cheating. If a man's happily married, he shouldn't feel the need to correspond with other women. I wonder why married couples don't email each other with provoking letters - because they want the thrill on the conquest and forbidden.

I think people need to be very careful who they're talking to. A dishonest person can portray any false image on line. I remember when I first learned how to use a computer I saw an on line safety message - it was a picture of this old scruffy naked dude typing at his computer - the message said "do you know who you're talking to". Although I consider myself to be a very honest person I know not everyone is honest about themselves.

There used to be a husband /wife couple here and when he started corresponding with me I asked him if i was okay with his wife and later asked his wife. It's very difficult to know who to trust on line.

I suppose so . But if the man is married but not legally separated but separated I guess its another matter .


I have only corresponded with two men . both I thought were single . another Im not sure but I just emailed a couple of times .

I do not have a horde of people I comminucate with .
i dont have the time and I give my entire focus to a select few. thats just me .


I do like to keep things on a board . its safer .
in fact Im down to zero except for a couple of woman with cancer. .and maybe thats good.



looks like if a man contacts me and we are going to talk more I should ask out right what thier status is .

Rather than assume because they contact me they must be single .

I 'm sure many open minded individuals think this arrangement is okay and thier wives may say its okay ,

I just wasn't careful enough and a bit too naieve .

I tend to be drawn to those who are verbally colorful amoung other things and thats okay just not when it develops into more .and its not right .






LOL! yes a person can post a differnt photo.

I was mislead by the age . and it wasn't even needed . guess they were going for younger women. I still did not want to belive it . I tend to ingnore the truth .
and make a person be better than they are . My down fall . I should not trust theses people but wanted to . Im fairly forgivig but maybe too much.

I think that was a nice and appropriate gesture of you to ask the wife.

Patricia

I wouldn't think negatively about you for someone else lying to you and leading you on. It really depends on their relationship with their wives. I think the big thing would be hiding it from her. Obviously, if he feels the need to hide it then he thinks there is something wrong with it or he has ill-intentions for the relationship. But my boyfriend talks to old friends from high school through email and facebook and meets people that way but is always very open about it and never tries to hide anything so I don't see anything wrong with that. I think intentions are really the only thing that matters in an instance like that. If you are just looking for a friend thats one thing but if you are hiding a marriage and then lying about being divorced and looking for something else through those emails...thats when there is a problem.

for me as a married woman....if my husband were doing it behind my back I would be upset. If he shared with me that he was emailing a friend that is another thing but to come up with someone new it would upset me. I have trust issues anymore

Heres where it gets tricky . Omiting and with holding infromation can be a form of lying . Also threatning to end a corespondance when you try to find out.

For me I find over and over I do not ask enough QUESTIONS early on in alot of things and that gets me into a bit of trouble .

The situation I was in was one of an iron fist and threats . I was scared most of the time in my communication. Most questions were not answered. And this was also a pattern for the other woman.

Intent is not a bad word unless your doing something thats harmful to another person . People have hopes dreams wished desires.

And I desire what happend to me to disapere and wish I was never played with .

I have trust issues of my own. Bepop. My feeling is that married men have no need to be coresponding with single women who are not involved in a relationship on an ongoing basis, to listen to thier life and dreams everything.

I think emotional involvement takes away from a mariage .

Patricia

totally agreed auroralso. A lot of people don't think of emotional involvement as cheating but I think of it as an affair as well as just sex. In fact, I think being emotionally involved without sex would probably hurt me more than just having sex with a woman. Maybe I'm just too traditional but I believe that your husband/wife should be your best friend and biggest confidant. Whenever something big happens like I get a scholarship or an A on an exam...the first person I think to tell is my boyfriend and that's how (I think) it's supposed to be.

First and foremost it is my belief that a commitment between husband and wife is between husband and wife. If a third party gets involved, knowingly or unknowingly, it is my belief that the person in the wrong is always the one with the commitment. He/she made a pledge to be faithful to his/her partner. The third party made no such commitment. It may be morally or eithically wrong, but the fault, in my opinion, lies soley with the committed party.

I don't see anything wrong with chatting/emailing/texting/talking with a married man. Unless it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you're uncomfortable with the conversation then it's wrong.

Although personally I don't see why you'd want a friendship with someone that has a history of being dishonest with you.

I agree with this post. My exhusband cheated on me first with a emoitional affair. It devestated me. This woman knew everything about me, and everything about my kids. He wasn't even sleeping with her yet. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that he sent her roses. One time I went to the store, and when I came back he was on the house phone telling this woman he loved her. I flipped out. The only reason that I know that she wasn't sleeping with him at the time, was that she was living in another state. I don't know what happened to that relationship, but he soon found another woman over the internet, and now they live happily ever after. The best thing that ever happened to me, is when he walked, and stayed out of my life. auroralso it's not your fault, but just be very careful. A lot of people out there just don't care about hurting another human being.

Aah, cell phones and computers and loss of trust and honesty. What have we done? When a woman finds out that the man is married or vice versa, why do we continue to go on and hurt the spouses and children, etc.? That puts us right down with the lowest of the animal kingdom. There are plenty of single people out there, you hunters. Go out in public in nice places and look for nice, honest people. Look into their eyes and watch their hand and eye signals for "honesty". Or maybe that is not what we want these days. I think people enjoy causing trouble for others. I really do. I think we thrive on it in these days.

I do this as well.

If your single and unattached . I do . All my clients except one ar married couples. I always keep my interacations with the wife of the couple and wth the husband brief.

the dishonesty . a sign or showing of dishosety. I figure there must be some good reson for it that I not aware of . I give too much room I guess.

you have spoken for yourself .

and you only.

I woudn't know what honest hand signals look like . I don't know how to read body language. Its not something I set out to do. And there are people who have adhd who cannot make eye contact because they need thier invisbale internal backboard to turn words into images so they can understand.

I not a Hunter . I haven't dated in 13 years.

there may be some who do.

and I don't have any intentions of causing trouble.

and isn;t that also a problem i rael life dating .
I find pleanty of hunters out on the dating sites.

and I aint prey.

Patricia

I cannot comprehend a single "good" reason for being dishonest. I've always taught my children that no matter what they ever do, I will support them but never ever lie, there's nothing worse than lying, you can never get that trust back.

The bad things about our technology sometimes outweigh the good.
I think too much internet is addictive and can cause relationship problems.
The anonimity is the problem. One never knows who one is talking to and what they will do with that information. That is my #1 reason I don't hang around chat rooms or participate much in threads. I do read a lot without logging in. Sometimes I go weeks without responding or even reading.

I don't view porn because I never had had an interest in it. I am not excited by pictures of women that don't even know I exist and don't care.
I'm really not even into TV. My son calls my speaker system "antiquainted" and my technology knowledge as "non-existant". I don't have a cell phone, I don't have any kind of friend account like facebook, I don't have HDTV or whatever those Blackberry things are. I do however have a calculator and an answering device on my land line.

If you are corresponding with someone that you don't know their status,
married, single or significant other, just ask them.

I don't know if chatting and e-mailing are cheating, but it is time consuming and there are other things in life beyond the computer and hi-tech devices.

JMO,

a few months ago my husband got emotionally involved with another woman. he still denies it but I knew/know he was. it hurt. they worked together. no I do not think a married man should correspond with single unattached women.

I'd like to respectfully point out that you can get just as emotionally involved with a married woman as a single woman.

I was sort of on the flipside in that I have corresponded with a married woman. I had to walk away from that relationship. I do presently correspond with a married woman but that relationship has a clear set of boundaries and that is necessary.

This may not be the space for this and for that I apologize. I hope you leave these things behind and dance. I don’t particularly care for country music but the lyrics in this are too much to dismiss.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance…

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

Dance Patricia, dance.

It is far too easy to get involved with a man who does not tell you he is married. I did so irl, and it was difficul, but necessary I felt, to cut off the relationship when I found out. Still, it took some time. I think that continuing this relationship may be harming you. Especially since he is also involved with others on the net. If you want something more, go down a different street. I care about YOU! billieJ

thank you! Mick.. I love to dance !

Lee Ann for got her sweater in her video so..

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...79#post1221079

A capella in the shower

so true so true!