Realization

Omg... I just realized something. I don't think I am in love with my husband!
I do love him because he makes me laugh when no one else can, he is always there for me when I need him, etc.
But I don't know if I am "in love" with him. He doesn't really turn me on (if you know what I mean),
he can be very rude and crude and he burps and passes gas waaaay too often (sorry, TMI I know).

Help!!! I can't picture my life without him, he is my rock - my soft place to land, but I just... don't know.

hon all men burp and pass gas at will. maybe you are stressed with the upcoming move? see how you feel once you guys get moved out. things may be a whole lot different. or when he finds a job! walmart at hamiliton mill is hiring not stockers.

I understand. There are different kinds of love. I'm confused in my relationship because I felt like a child for most of my life, and feel like now it is time to grow up and learn to be an individual person and think and feel for myself and figure out if I can take care of myself. My husband has been my family for nearly 20 years. How do you not love someone who is so much a part of your life, especially if you have been dependent and childlike, as I have, and they have been there for you. But it isn't the same as being "in love." Maybe being "in love" is a myth for most people, anyway. But it would be nice to know if attraction and romantic love could be out there somewhere, wouldn't it? Or independence?

Thank you for posting this Rapunzel .... iit means a lot to me. Ophelia

Sorry edited to say thank you to manda too .... so hard to actually know isn't it? I'm at a loss for advice but Know I'm thinking of you O xxx

I am much like you, I was babied too much a child growing up... my parents did everything for me, etc. In turn, that made much like a child in my adult life. I depend on people (namely my husband) to do so much. Sometimes I even find myself not making decisions without hi input first... or I just let him make the decision for me. I'm so afraid that he feels more like a care-taker than a husband.
And yes, I would love to know if romantic love and/or indepence is out there somewhere.

Manda86,

My husband is 12 years older than me and I turn 57 tomorrow. His eyesight is starting to fail a bit so when he drives, I have to be his second set of eyes and tell him to watch out for this and that. He doesn't like it.

He is brilliant. He has a wacky sense of humor like I do. We can discuss world politics, science, education, child rearing, freeway construction, houseing construction, religion, you name it. We also laugh at the funniest, stupidest jokes.

He has had ED since I met him. For a while, Viagra worked. But as time went by, his ED and my use of antidepressants made it virtually impossible to have physical sex. Yes, it's disappointing. We figured out other ways to pleasure ourselves. He also walks around the house belching and farting CONTINUOUSLY and because he is almost deaf, he claims he doesn't know he's doing it. (Yeah, right.)

But there is not a day that goes by that he does not tell me how much he loves and cherishes me, how beautiful I am and how wonderful a wife I am. He is getting ready to retire in January. We will start a new chapter in our lives. I'm not worried about it. We love to talk and we love spending time with each other. He is my rock, too. I am good at fixing things around the house and he loves to do housework (no, you CANNOT have him). I trust him implicitly. I know that when he says he will do something, he will do it. I've never known anyone else like that in my life.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am "in love" with him anymore, too. Especially when things get boring or we argue over trivial stuff or he decides to get stubborn over something just because he can.

I heard once that being married is what you do between being in love. I personally think that the face of love changes over time.

I am damn lucky.

I think being "in love" is a temporary situation that comes and goes. I'll have times when I feel totally in love with my husband (of almost 13 years) and other times when I have to admit I can barely stand the way he breathes! But there is alot more good feeling than bad feeling.

My husband burps and farts alot too. Matter of fact I've had 3 husbands, they ALL burped and farted alot. I used to be all hung up about it when I was younger. (Some how I got the message from my family of origin that girls did not sweat, fart, burp or poop!!!!) By the time I was in my 40's and married my 3rd husband, I was able to turn around my thinking. If he was free to be him, I was free to be me. Now, I still am more discreet more often than he is about bodily functions. But it's nice to have the freedom from judgement (mostly my own I now realize) when I'm having a particularly gassy day.

Also he is the first person in my life to love me (pretty much) unconditionally, to be loyal, to enjoy spending almost all his time with me - except for a rough patch or two he's pretty much always been here for me. He is the one and only person in my life who has been a rock. And that is worth more than any of his imperfections. Who among us is perfect?

Also as a young woman I had the experience of great torrid, romantic, "in love" relationships. They all cooled and all those men turned out to be imperfect too, in much more important way than being too gassy. Now that I'm older, I'm glad I had those experiences because I do not feel like I am missing out on anything. I had some great sex that I mistook for "romance and love."

My husband and our relationship is not what most young people think of - or much of our sex crazed culture think of - as "the love of a lifetime." But his is MY love of a lifetime. He is not handsome, I think, in most people's eyes. He burps and farts too much. He has diabetes that is slowly starting to affect our sex life. (As my own medication for depression has affected our sex life.) But all the things he IS are much more important. He is kind to me, patient, loyal, soft spoken, has a great sense of humor, intelligent, and he just plain loves me in any way, shape or form.

I guess we all have to decide what are the more important things we want in a mate, short and long term. Then go for it. I highly recommend (safely) sowing your wild oats when you are young. But when and if you start looking for "the love of your life" give it a good long and very practical think.

Love , like life takes its own path. Perhaps this is a new phase in the "love relationship". who knows, tomorrow passion could replace the love you feel today.

I would just like to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has responded.
My husband and I had a very long conversation about everything last night,
and he was surprisingly understanding through the whole thing. He said
he respects me for coming forward and having the courage to talk to him.

Manda86 - well done - you did exactly as I was going to suggest - talk to him ! The course of true love never runs smooth!