i dont know......

I recently found out my fiance has be sending sex-emails with several different people, as well as has a profile on an adult sex site. He said it was only through through email and im's . That it was because we have sex only once a week. That he understands that I have issues with sex (due to being raped several years ago). He said he didn't want to push me to have sex more but he need it. He said it wasn't cheating cause it was only words and he never said I love you to any of them. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I've had trouble looking at him and not wondering if he was thinking of someone else. I feel lost and alone. I don't have any real friends to talk to about this. He wants to just forget it ever happened. I need to get it out. Thanks for letting me vent any advice or thoughts are welcomed. For know I think I'm going to go cry myself to sleep.

Get it out as much as you want here. It does help and I am so sorry that you are having pains... crying helps too actually...

Please feel better...........

Does forgetting it ever happened mean he has stopped cybering? I do not buy his excuses. He acknowledges he needs more sex. I doubt that will change no matter what he tells you. Maybe it is time to cut your losses.

Good luck.

I would see it as emotional cheating. If I found out my boyfriend was doing that behind my back I don't think I could be in a relationship with him-I'd constantly be wondering if he'd one day up the ante and go from "just words" to a physical act with someone to satisfy his needs.

Sending sex emails to other women? Sorry, but that's a dealbreaker. He isn't going to die if he doesn't have sexual stimulation for a week (& there's always his hand) so there's no excuse for him turning to the internet- I could understand if it was only sometimes, but from what you've described, it sounds like it's pretty frequent. Obviously, sex is a very sensitive issue for you, & he doesn't seem very sensitive towards what you've been thru. People don't change; at least, not that quickly, & he seems immature. You're crying yourself to sleep over this guy when he should be holding you. Even if you didn't have sexual issues, his actions are just plain disrespectful & wrong. It's actually a blessing in disguise that you found out about this before you married him. You deserve a man who will treat you better.
Sending hugs.

Its hard to know what's right. We started dating when I was 13 I'll be 25 next month. We have two wonderful children together. For years he watched his step dad cheat on his mom. He always said he could never do that to anyone yet here I am. My self esteem has hit an all time low. I haven't self harmed in a year. I thought things where getting better for me. I thought things would be easier. I could understand if he said I'm still having urges but as said he has a hand. I feel emotionally drained. He works all weekend three 16 hour shifts I'm dreading Monday when he's home all day with me while the kids are at school. I'm thinking of hurting myself just to be put in hospital away from the pain of having to deal with it. I know I shouldn't. I promise for now I'll try to look for someone to talk to.

Wow- sorry,I didn't know that you two were together for so long! If there weren't children involved, then I'd still advise you to leave him. Even tho he swore he'd never be like his step-dad & cheat, that man was his male role model & he is already kind of cheating-he's trying to hook up with other women by sending them sex emails. I guess the only suggestion I can give you would be to go to couples counseling. Hold off on the wedding until you are sure that you'd be making the right decision. If he's only been with you (or had very few partners), maybe he's curious about other women now. Or maybe there are other things going on in your relationship that are bothering him, & this is how he's expressing it. Sorry you're going thru this.

If you were to hurt yourself and get put in the hospital would the problems you are dealing with magically disappear and you and he live happily ever after?

I never thought that maybe something else was bothering him. As far as I know I'm the only one he's ever been with. I know he's been the only one for me. I would like to know where lifes easy button is. I see it as cheating he doesn't. He commented Friday that I was being unusally quite. I wanted to scream and yell. Next thing I knew I was saying I'm sorry I'm acting diferently. Grrrrrr. Thanks for your words it given me a lot to think about.

I still can't justify the sexting other women thing, but- perhaps he's having a really difficult time coping with the rape himself?

What this guy says is not adding up. I would keep a close eye on this guy. He is pulling a triple shift? You might want to check that out on your own. Check phone and computer records. Trust has breached. He knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he would have walked up to you and said something like... Oh hey hun, I'm going to come to bed right after I finished these last few sex emails...ya know 'cause I don't want to bother you. These ladies here will help out. You should really thank these ladies when you get a chance. Hey Babe, while your up, could you get me a beer? Hands are full ya know...

The triple shift is normal. He works it so he can have the rest of the week off for school. I know he's at work because I call so he can say goodnight to the kids and on the weekends before they nap. Its never the same time and I call the store phone instead of his cell phone. The majority of his "stuff" is done from his smart phone which he has locked all the time. I really do understand that he may not get all the sex he wants. But had he told me and talked to me. It wouldn't have been such a shock and hurt so much. We were listening to talk radio the other day they were talkin about this tiger woods mess , the one guy said "no matter why or how a man cheats or to what degree he's always going to cover his @$$ and say what ever he thinks will keep things normal. " sure jack off till it falls off it makes you happy but don't lie to me. He "reason" behind hiding it was he knew it would hurt me. That it would make me even more insecure. I don't even want to talk to my therapist about this I'm afraid she'll say something about me being stupid and not able to take care of my man. I know she would never do that but it doesn't stop me from thinking it.

Your T isn't going to tell you you're stupid or that you can't take care of your man. If she did, then she wouldn't be a good T & you should find someone more qualified. She will be proud of you for talking about it & seeking help. (Not that you're the one who is doing anything wrong.) You need to bring up this issue to her b/c it's upsetting you so much that you considered going into the hospital & SI. It also has the potential to terminate your engagement, & there are children involved who could get hurt by this, too. It's hard for anyone on this site who doesn't know everything that's going on to give sound advice; you're lucky to have a T to discuss this with. I wish you the best.

Perhaps your T can suggest a good marriage counselor for the two of you. It sounds like you two could benefit from it.