[dre09]

I find myself asking this question a lot. My boyfriend and I had a great relationship. I could talk to him about anything and he always gave the best advice. (we were best friends for 10 yrs before we became more). He was always so patient with me and didn't shun me when I finally opened up about all the bad things that had happened to me in my life that i hid from everyone. We were so in love and friends, family, co-workers were jealous of our relationship. That all changed when I became pregnant. All we do is argue and on more than one occasion he has told me that he "resented me for making him a father". I can no longer talk to him about anything since he finds some way to turn it in to an argument. And even though I try to be the better person, at times I find myself in a shouting match. He has told me on more than one occasion that he doesn't what our child to grow up the way he did (parents always arguing, spending one weekend with one parent than the other weekend with the other), but yet he seems to take steps in that direction. We argue about how I won't let him take the baby by himself so they can bond (he has threatened to not bring her back to me, so i refuse to let him have her). I don't prevent him from seeing her. I allow him to come over when he pleases. Unfortunately this has lead to a heated discussion since i mentioned to him that he needs to arrive early and not at her bedtime, since she forces herself to stay awake so she can spend time with him. I feel that it is hopeless and I just want to give up on the relationship, but i don't won't to go through the custody battle. I know parents are suppose to make sacrifices for their children, but i don't feel as if i need to sacrifice my own happiness. I don't know how to fix the relationship. He thinks couples therapy is a joke. I don't know what to do, if there even is anything to do. If I end the relationship, i know i will feel guilty for not trying harder to make us a family. If i stay in the relationship, i feel guilty for keeping our little one in such a situation. I just don't know if we can ever get back to how it use to be!

Hello, dre09. He resents you for making him a father? He does not acknowledge he had a role in this?

What are your choices? You cannot make the relationship work by yourself. He does not want to be a father. I doubt there will be a custody battle. Is his name on the child's birth certificate?

My thought is for you to get a lawyer and get paternity, custody, visitation and support established. Perhaps in time he will get over the anger and be the parent he needs to be for the child's sake.

May the child ultimately be the winner here. Good luck.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey there dre,

Have to agree with Byz here and add that I am not sure the relationship is a healthy one now. Starting a family should be a joint decision so I can understand your bf's anger and frustration too.

I'd do what is best for you and the child and if he becomes aggressive then get a lawyer and deal with it through the court system,

Rhi

[dre09]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, dre09. He resents you for making him a father? He does not acknowledge he had a role in this?
What are your choices? You cannot make the relationship work by yourself. He does not want to be a father. I doubt there will be a custody battle. Is his name on the child's birth certificate?

My thought is for you to get a lawyer and get paternity, custody, visitation and support established. Perhaps in time he will get over the anger and be the parent he needs to be for the child's sake.

May the child ultimately be the winner here. Good luck.

His name is on the birth certificate. Since we were not married before the baby was born he had to sign a form stating that he acknowledges that he is the father and does not question the paternity. I've already taken steps in contacting a lawyer to get advice. I know there will be a custody battle because he will fight for our daughter out of spite. I guess I keep holding on to the hope that my daughter won't have to grow up in a broken home, but i think it's already breaking.

[jenkins09]

You guys have a lot of history, I think that will work in your favor. I am an optimist and believe that most relationships can be saved. You listed quite a few issues, that if not resolved, can lead to major resentment.

Do you really think he would take the baby if you allowed him to have her by himself for a few hours? Perhaps he and you, are both incredibly stressed over the arrival of the child? The one thing you dont want to do is use the child as a pawn and possession.

Let him be a dad and have time with his kid. It seems like what you are disagreeing about could be resolved. Does he want to remain in the relationship? I wish you peace with whatever decision you make.

[Perna]

How old is the child and did you all live together ever/before? If so, what caused the split? Is he in another relationship now? Where does he live. I find it hopeful that he comes/goes when you tell him to for seeing the child. I would work on doing more together, the two of you with the child if you want to fix the relationship. You can't fix the relationship if the two of you don't talk/enjoy each other and your child together.

All we do is argue and on more than one occasion he has told me that he "resented me for making him a father".

Now he wants custody?

[dre09]

"Let him be a dad and have time with his kid."

I have allowed him to take her before. Than I find out that he just drops her off at his mothers, and goes about his day. So that has become a problem with me because he needs to be spending time with his daughter, not his mother

[dre09]

Originally Posted by jenkins09

You guys have a lot of history, I think that will work in your favor. I am an optimist and believe that most relationships can be saved. You listed quite a few issues, that if not resolved, can lead to major resentment.

Do you really think he would take the baby if you allowed him to have her by himself for a few hours? Perhaps he and you, are both incredibly stressed over the arrival of the child? The one thing you dont want to do is use the child as a pawn and possession.

Let him be a dad and have time with his kid. It seems like what you are disagreeing about could be resolved. Does he want to remain in the relationship? I wish you peace with whatever decision you make.

Also, i do believe he would take her. His father took he and his brother away from their mom, so he has it in his head that he can do the same thing.