[kvinneakt]

I had a very anxiety ridden weekend. Yesterday afternoon, Sunday, I felt like a balloon ready to burst. I had to get out of myself and called a friend who is also a therapist. She has been remodeling her house and just happened to need some help. Perfect.

She showed me the wonderful work she had been doing mostly by herself. We then installed a new built in microwave. After that was time for microwave popcorn and beer.

After much bantering about this and that, I told her I was soon to see a therapist and that I had an agenda. She asked if I wanted to tell her more. I said yes, but it was hard to do. I told her about my recent revelations about my gender confusion. She was delighted that I told her and said she was not a bit surprised.

It feels so good to be able to be honest with someone about myself. I never really understood why gay people felt so compelled to "come out" before. (Why can't they be happy with their secrets?) Now it is becoming clear. I can hardly wait for the time to come that I feel strong enough in myself to let the world know I am a mixed up person and let the chips fall wherever they go.

[heidu]

I am glad you found someone to talk to. It makes a huge difference just to get it out sometimes and you were lucky enough t have them accept what you were telling them and not judging you for being who you are.
In todays world it's not that uncommon for someone to be "mixed up". I think everyone has thier own secrets, ghosts or skeletons.
Take care of you,
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[kvinneakt]

Regarding your tagline "Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley"

I recall hearing that the lions guarding the Buddhist temple doors represent Confusion and Dilemma. You have to be able to get past them to find enlightenment.

[heidu]

Then I have to remember to bring a couple very large pork chops with me on my journey.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[Rapunzel]

Congratulations on being able to tell your secret, and I'm glad that you have a friend you can trust enough to tell it to, and that it went well.
Take care,
Wendy


<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

Good for you; very proud of you!

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT :-)</font color=blue>

[Gez]

Its good that youre being true to yourself. Denying your true feeings will bring with it its own set of problems. I'm glad you found some sense of relief and you can continue to release those confused feelings and explore and share them with people you can trust.

Gez

[LadyDragus]

I am very proud .. Very happy for you.
Coming out is not an easy thing to do.. But I hope all turns out the best for you, and you find that specail someone to make you happy..

Try looking at things as a new start on life..
Good luck.. in all areas of your life

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[kvinneakt]

Actually, there is a special someone, my wife. We are very much committed to each other. One of my "issues" is if/how/when to share the details of my discoveries with her.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[LMo]

KV - if your wife loves you anywhere close to how much I love my boyfriend, then she would WANT to know. I don't think I told you this before, but I was married for 6 years (divorced 4) and my ex-husband thought he had similar feelings to yours, although you seem to be more convinced about it (or since this is an anonymous board, at least you are more comfortable talking about it). When he told me, I felt truly honored that he would share that with me. It wasn't, by the way, the reason for our divorce - he had developed a relationship to and then married another woman - and there is no way I would have ever held it against him or asked him to suppress his feelings.
Because you are so nice, I suspect you have a really nice wife as well. You already seem really close and I would think that you sharing this information about yourself would only bring you even closer together.
Best of luck - have you heard from your son yet?
LA

[kvinneakt]

Thanks for replying. I am getting more and more comfortable with issues and feeling less a stranger to myself. It is good. I think the time will come to share all. It won't be easy, although it should be, I think. It is much easier to put it all out here, where I am more or less "safe". (Although, if you are clever, you can find all kinds of things people have put on the net "anonymously". My daughter-in-law asked me about a bunch of stuff I posted years ago when I was facing a possible diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. She found it with some google searches.)

The internal pressure is easing. It is even to the point where I don't feel it is a crisis anymore. I am still going to keep my therapist appointment to get help organizing just what I want to do with so much new stuff going on. One of the things to discuss is my wife. She is not nearly so self-confident as you sound. I think I may see about taking her with me to the therapist when the time comes to share my secrets.

You, and several other women, have said they were or would be very accepting of their male partner expressing feminine traits. This is so hard to imagine. It seems to me the most men would have a very hard time with their female partner expressing masculinity. But then... my wife has some "manly" traits that I don't really like, but more or less tolerate (bad language, belching, farting, really raggy ill-fitting weekend clothes).

My son has finally reported in from Japan. He is well and very excited and not in jail.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[LadyDragus]

I am glad you you have a special someone to share your feelings with.. Take it very easy when you tell her. When i first told my ex-husband, he ws not at all happy, he thougth that was sick, and should never be talked about again..

So I know how the shoock of that can come to somoene..
I like females.. I have fallen in love with a few, and both of the ones that i have fallen in love with have hurt me beyond words.. I am still best freinds with the first one, because her and i have an open and honest commiment to each ohter..
I hope you can always have that with your wife..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LMo]

I know what you mean, Lady. I dated a guy before my current boyfriend - and when it came time to telling him about personal things, I told him about my two relationships that I had had with women (and that if I were on the market, then I'm open to people - not only men - who I feel a connection with). He didn't take it well at all and in fact, that made ME want to break up with him, which I then did. It taught me a lesson about what kind of person I want to have a relationship with. If they can't accept my past and if we don't share the same basic beliefs (one of mine being that none of us are in the position to judge others), then it's not the right relationship for me.

Kv, tell her........she will understand and be glad that you trusted her enough to tell her.

Lady..............how nice to find someone else that is "family". I realized my preferences a few years ago and have had a couple of relationships as well. And, like you, both did extensive emotional damage to me. Ty for sharing that.

Mary Alice

[LMo]

Aw, man! What about me, Mary Alice? I don't count as "in the family"?

KV - I have been thinking about this, trying to imagine being in your wife's shoes. Mind you, you have been keeping this information from her for a LOT longer than my ex-h did, so her reaction is going to be understandably different, more because you've been keeping it a secret than the information itself.

I think before you tell her, you should think about what you want her to do with the information, such as: do you want anything to change in your relationship, now that she knows this? Do you want to stay with her? You already said you're not interested in cross-dressing or gender transformation -- so I'm gathering you just don't want to hide your feelings from her anymore -- and maybe, you are hoping that your relationship with her will become even closer because she'll know something so personal about you. So, I'm guessing she'll want to know the following things:
- do you want to stay in the marriage
- do you still want to have sex with her and have you been enjoying it all these years (even though she farts - heh heh)
- are you telling her because you want her to understand you
- do you want your relationship to become closer, or are you asking for more space by sharing that information

I guess that's what I would want to know if my husband of 18-plus years confessed a personal secret about himself like that.

Also, if you really don't want anything to change between the two of you, I guess I would probably not make too big of a deal about it. The more casual you are, the less of a big BIG secret it will seem like. You might even say that you thought she already knew that (because face it, I'd think it's hard to live with and be intimate with someone for that much time without them realizing something that is so integral to your being).

What do you think? I obviously don't know a whole lot about your situation or your relationship, so this is just my 2 cents. Do you think any of it pertains to you?

LA

{{{{{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} we posted almost at the same time, so I saw yours after I wrote mine. Of course you count......not many people acknowledge their preferences, so ty for sharing it.

[LMo]

MaryAlice.....

Ian is going to be a-ok!

[Sam]

kvinneakt,

It is easy to see you (we) are among some very sweet and wonderful people here. It makes one glad to be here and I've sure missed them <makes note to not be such a stranger>.

I have no doubt that everyone has or has had secrets. And in all my journeys - I've found them all to be potentally dangerous. It's a funny thing about secrets - they are only secret as long as you tell no one, and, they usually have the potential to do great harm if known by the wrong people.

I think, that if one is able to confide their darkest secret to another - and that person remain - then you have gained a most wonderful friend.

In our short conversation, and from your posts - I believe you to be a very nice and wonderful person - which explains your being here, because there are so many wonderful people here - it makes one feel right at home.

I do wonder - do you clear the history on your computer? If not, then she may already know as I saw from another post, she was close by and curious.

Take care,

Sam

[kvinneakt]

If she knows, then she too has a secret!

We have our own pc's. It would be pretty obvious if there were any peeking, but it could happen.

A close friend of both of us, a psycho therapist, knows my secret. I guess I already said that in this post...

Anyway, I spent a few hours chatting with her yesterday afternoon. She thinks I am underestimating my wife and that she will be very accepting of the whole story. I hope so. I can feel it is sooner, not later.

I have no reason to involve my adult children. There is nothing in my appearance or behavior that is going to change. (With one tiny exception. I am going to get my ears pierced for my 50th birthday next Saturday! At least if the little Japanese restaurant has an ample supply of pre-piercing sake.)

A couple months ago this whole topic was heavy. Today, it is getting quite a bit lighter.

Again, so nice to make your aquaintance!!!

Do you have pictures you can, want to post? We have a place you can do so at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PsychCentralFamily/ if you like...

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are