can't feel connected

I have been engaged 3 times, one fiance cheated, one died in an accident, married to the third 19 years, separated 7, have two children, and I find that I can't feel connected to anyone. I don't even feel connected to my therapist and when he tries I just go into myself, and honestly I feel overstimulated around people. My head feels full of static and it feels like everything is dark. I've been like this for at least 5 years. People feel painful. I am trying to feel good with people but I feel fake.

Do you feel connected to your children?

yes sometimes, they are over 18 and have lives, but yes, I guess I do.

I can understand the feeling of no connection. I particularly have a hard time with this when I am on a depression swing. One of the hardest things for me has been that when I am like this, I feel disconnected from my beautiful 2 year old son. It often feels like I am babysitting a good friend's child. Makes me feel even worse.

Can you describe the process of going into yourself,,when your T attempts to reach out? Also what does overstimulated resemble to you?

Sounds like you have had a painful life,,as I have, tooPerhaps the pain is too much to bear...perhaps this website, PC, can help you, as it has me Please write more, the more you write, the more we can all help as a group

Yes, like a robot doing what I would do if I could feel more. I remember when my oldest was born, I couldn't feel anything, and couldn't understand what was wrong with me. As the depression passed, I felt connected. But I have to ask myself, if depressed I don't feel connected, manic the connection is only euphoria, and the moderate mood is medicated. How can I possibly experience a connection as real?

yeah s2m. that is a difficult question, and I am still waiting to find out the answer.

In movies have people that feel disconnected, it's normal sometimes isn't it?depressed people almost always feel disconnected, and I am almost always depressed. It doesn't take a genius to realize I won't have normal relationships, and I really don't want to waste the time of the people who can. I enjoy seeing people together whose relationship works. It comforts me. I like to see people happy.

I think the most connected I ever felt was when I was manic, anxious, and freaking out, and my son just hugged me. It felt like everything painful was fell out, miraculously suddenly I felt safe, everything was going to be okay. But it felt weird, because I was supposed to be doing that for him.

Do you ever feel like you are going through the motions? Most people don't worry too much maybe, because they know it will pass. What if it didn't pass? What if the older they got the worse it got and they were looking at a future without feeling?
deb

It gets dark, sometimes I can't remember or hear what he is saying, and I begin to think he has negative motives. The next session he tells me that he may have entered my personal space, and so I pulled in.

I have had many difficult things, many would trigger people. I think what is more important is how I interpreted the events to end up in such a narrow world.

[quote=Junerain;1261899]Can you describe the process of going into yourself,,when your T attempts to reach out? Also what does overstimulated resemble to you?

Overstimulation feels like the crows attacking people in The Birds. Frantic to escape.

I find that when I am depressed, relationships come last. They take so much energy, energy that I do not have. Connection is definitely lost.

If it is a matter of interpretation, can anything positive be interpreted here? What kinds of things do you enjoy previously that take you out of yourself, make you feel happy?

Thank you all

I can only speak for myself, but sometimes when I am in emotional pain, the best thing I can do is to set aside specific times in which I give myself permission to be with and hold my pain. After that time finishes I must accept, and to some degree let go of my pain, and then go back to being around people. Would putting aside specific times to experience pain and other times set aside to being around (and even connected) to people be helpful?

It's strange that I look back at this just a few months later and I feel pretty good now for the past 6 weeks.

That is good news!!! I LOVE to hear folks are feelin' good!!

That's wonderful that things are feeling up. I'm happy for you.

You have been through hell, scribbling2much. I am so happy you have had a respite from the hostilities.

Love yourself.