im scared

Mon. Jan. 18 2010

Im scared. Ever since I got raped. I’ve been scared. Of this house, of school, of my room and especiallty because of him. He ruined me. I can’t sleep, I can’t talk about it with people face to face, I get panic attacks. So im scared, because of what he did to me. It’s not fair. Why did this have to happen to me? I have no one to talk to it about. They think it’s so easy just to move on and forget about it. Like i can just forget that night and just move on like nothing ever happend. No, I’m sorry but i can’t. It’s not that easy.

I’d like to see them try and face this challenge like I have to. It’s not like i can forget about it like someone stole my seat in the cafeteria or someone glared at me in the hallway. It’s much harder. You have to deal with the flashbacks, with telling your parents, to talking to millions of councellors.. etc.

I can’t even be in my basement without having a panic attack. Fml. Why do these kinds of people exist. I fear I won’t ever be the same ever again. My parents can’t handle me, my boyfriend can’t handle me, my friends can’t handle me, and I can’t even handle me.

My mom thinks I’m utterly crazy because i can see spirits. My dad is blaming me for him and my mom fighting. My friend has her own probalems. And i have this big load to deal with, all by myself because nobody understands. It’s not that easy to just tell them how I feel. Because I can’t tell someone I don’t trust.

This is just all too much to deal with. I’m tired of fighting this. It’s not fair. Why can’t they just see that what i told them (the police officer) is true. Im only 15 years old, a 19 year old can’t have sex with me, can he?

Wow I’m just ready to die. This so isn’t how I wanted my life to be, at all..

Buddie,

I am so sorry for what has happened. It is not your fault. Know that you are not alone and that your reaction to this horrible situation makes sense, even if no one around you understands. Talking in this forum is a good step--I don't generally post (I'm sure no one here recognizes me), but I thought I would send my support to you, from New Mexico to where you are, to let you know that you can start to sort this out, if you take it one day at a time. Focus on making it through and staying as strong as you can, one day at a time. If you can find a counselor at school or some other professional to talk to, that might make it easier. And no, it is not all right for anyone to do things to you without your consent, regardless of his age.

Hang in there. You can do this.

I am so very sorry for your problem. I also suffered from rape, at the age of 17. It never entirely goes away, and it does take a lot of help to try and put this in your past. You cannot let this control your life; all you are doing is letting that person keep controlling you. I don't know the laws where you live, but as far as I'm concerned, that person needs to be put away in prison for a long time! You cannot get ahead looking back. Get all the counseling that you can and learn how to get on with your life; you're young and have a lot of living to do! There will be someone special come into your life when you least expect it. They will understand and be there for you, no matter what. Good Luck!

You are in my thoughts.

im so sorry for what has happened to you. i was raped too but i never told anyone and as far as i know now knows but me and him. my bestfriend didnt even know. it was not our fault that we were victims of such an ugly crime. i delt with my pain in silence and still deal with it to this day. i cant tell you that your pain will go away, i cant tell you that you will forget it ever happened. but i can encourage you to live your life as best you can. it wont be easy but life never is and we always have obsticals but if we work hard enough we can get past the obstical, and we will only become stronger. if you want to talk or even just want to vent feel free to send me a line. i hope that things get better for you.

Im so sorry, I no I don't understand what ur goign thru but I wanna help, that what friends are for, *****ing about eachothers problems AND U KNOW im always here for you to talk to. **** my problems, you come first. See you at school