[sigmanumk92]

Hi, Just a little background first. I am 24 years old and I have been married for two years now. We had dated for only about 6 months before we were engaged(we were still in college when we were married). She was the first person I was ever intimate with. I felt that I have waited this long to be intimate then this is the person for me. Well, we bought a whole new wardrobe for me on my credit card and I joined a fraternity because she was in a sorority. I HAD to get a job outside of class(to support her). I changed my major of two years from Biology to computer science because thats what she wanted. Now to the present, we now own a house and have two dogs and very unhappy where I am at. Whenever we are with other people she degrades me in front of them and I laugh it off. I have talked to her about it yet she continues.
She wants to go off to Physicians Assistant school and I am happy where I am at now. She has pretty much got accepted to school and she is going to go to school and leave me here and visit on the weekends. I on the other hand would like to go and finish my biology degree. We can't live again on a students salary. Should I suck it up move from a great Job to help her through school or should I leave her being conflicts of interest? we have talked about this and she is going to school with or without me. I am so confused, maybe I am just being selfish.
confused

[oregon]

The age old question would be "am I better with her or without her?" Ask yourself "do I love her?" "Do I want to be with her?" "Am I happy with myself, secure in who I am?" "Is this just a hard spot that we are going through, since all couples have rough spot, and can I get through it, giving her the support she is asking for?" "Can you see yourself in ten years, happy and healthy, with kids and this partner?"

No one can tell you what to do, you have to decide for yourself. Have you talked to her about joint marriage counseling, and have you considered getting counseling yourself? You say you want to go back to biology, and she wants a PA program but you can not afford for both of you to return to school at the same time. Have you considered working for several years until she is done and then returning yourself? Remember it is never to late to return to school. Would she be willing to agree to an arrangement like this?

I don't know if this will help at all but I wish you luck and let us know how you are.

Since you ask most days I can not remember.
I walk in my clothing, untouched by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
----Anne Sexton----

[whineandcheese]

Oregon is right. How do you feel about your marriage? Think deep, and be honest. How happy are you? How happy is she? It would help for the two of you to at least speak together with a counselor for a few sessions. I wish I had a better answer for you, something more specific. But to be honest, in my case it's the man trying to change me. I'm not very happy about it either. I hope everything works out the best for you!

Ann

[curlyq]

There are always problems in relationships, undoubtedly. It just depends how important the problems are to you, I believe. I think it's important for both people to be happy and the belittling is a form of abuse. I would confront her again on it and tell her it's hurting your feelings and you don't want it. You can give her some kind of ultimatum but it's important to give one you will follow through with. Like not go out with her until she stops that.

There is someone in my life who belittles me by how he treats me and I'm suffering from it, too. I am trying to keep more of a distance for self-preservation. Another thing, you don't have to do what she wants you to do in life-it's your life and your happiness. There will be someone who accepts you for you.

Once I had a significant other who would put me down for some things about me. I told him that I accept him with all of his faults and so why doesn't he accept me for mine, too? He stopped it.

You ask the question why women try and change you. Maybe she's not accepting of your needs and ways. I think that's a sign of her immaturity. Putting you down is a way to make her feel bette. That shows that she isn't so happy with herself. She may have been abused that way, too. I think counseling could help, too. But still, that doesn't give her the right to put you down! I hope you can start to work toward making your life better.

Success is the best revenge.

[Eroswings14]

It's their breasts that get in the way of men, and the rest falls into shape, thats why they made bras, to keep them from getting in the way of us men....Also it's their butts, they to get in the way of us men, they keep sitting on them, while trying to change you, with their soft voices and all....

[NETA]

We have a right to our boundaries, wants, and needs. So does the other person. We cannot force someone to be in a relationship or to participate at a level we desire if he or she does not want to. All of us have a right not to be forced.

If you met someone who accepted you just as you are and wanted you to do what you want to do, what would you do?

Where do you stand concerning your faith in God?