Just want to talk.....

For specially those who know me.....
After around six months, I got brave enough to face the reality that Aaron has moved on and he might come to the class with the girl.....so, I made my mind....I love my dance class and I went there....good lord, he wasn't there....two sessions and he's not there....I felt more confident....this time I decided to show up in the teacher's party thinking that he might come with his girlfriend, the one that he got after me
He got there late...but ALONE!!!! hmmmm.....He was surprised when he saw me....I walked towards him and said hi and we hugged each other.....I forgave him already and felt great.....then he sat next to me and start talking....very quickly, he told me "Marjan, the girl that last time you saw me with, has dumped me!"....I was so surprised why he tells me that....but I saw so much sadness in his eyes....I felt his pain....I told him I'm so sorry for you....He said it was getting so serious that's why he was shocked and he lost so much weight!!!!!
anyway, the chemistry was still there between us, but I don't want him back....I had enough of pain from him.....we danced together and we were like old friends.....wherever I was going, he was coming and standing next to me....but nothing more than friendship....and I didn't care.....
Then Sunday, I went out with Kevin and it went very well....I really enjoy his company....but he doesn't call....he said he likes to take it slow....probably, that's good for me too....He's a good guy...He's not a player like the way that Aaron was....and I feel so safe with him....it's been four months that I've known him.....
I don't want to get attached to him at all.....I just want to see how it will go....I've been so lonely for a long time that I appreciate being with him....Not sure, why he wants it this much slow....like after four months, he kissed me....I don't get it really.....but he looked so passionate and he told me that he likes me from the day one.....he told me several times how much he likes me....He's going to my dance class and he's willing to learn.....he doesn't know about Aaron and I don't want to tell him.....I won't dance with Aaron if Kevin is around.....I don't want to ruin this relationship at all.....I hope I can make something out of this one.....
I'm so happy and relaxed when I'm around him.....this is very new feelings for me....and I feel safe, even now that he hasn't called me and he just texted me, I know that he will soon......
Life has so much turns and twists....I remembered how many nights I cried over Aaron and now I think how stupid I was.....He didn't worth it at all.....He jumps from one girl to the other.....and I was not happy with him....I felt so insecure and sad....he had all these girls around him and he didn't care at all.....I told him what did you do to the girl that she dumped you???? but I didn't want to tease him more....he was already in pain.....
It's stupid, but I felt sad for him even for the girl....although, both of them caused me so much sadness, but still we are all human being and all we want is happiness!!!!
Thanks for reading my thread....wanted to share with somebody.....
I think life is so short for being sad and angry.....
Marjan

The compassion you express for Aaron, (and even for his gf) concerning their breakup alone clearly states your character alone, Marjan.

You have EVERY reason to be so very proud of yourself, not only for enduring and succeeding the pain he has caused you, but to continue to have the heartfilled compassion that is simply YOUR natural being.
I so highly admire that.

You are a survivor. You are a wonderful person. ANY man who is lucky enough to have you choose them can't know how fortunate they truly ARE.

Continue celebrating YOU, Marjan. You have every right.....

Shangrala

Thanks dear Shangrala, your words have touched my heart.....

That's my girl, you make me proud and high five to you ((Marjan)). Remember when you 1st broke up, I advised you to do all these things. You've come a long way and doesn't it feel good to let go of the anger, resentment and just see him for the wounded person he is. I remember telling you his new relationship wouldn't last long, because rebounds rarely do. Perhaps he's starting to learn he can't keep going this way. You showed great compassion and understanding - you're so right, life is too short. That was a beautiful story and thanks for sharing. This is a pivotal point in your life.

Yes....Thanks to you lynn and all my friends here in PC for being so supportive and help me to show me the way.....
Last night I went to my dance class thinking that he might not even show up, because it was his birthday....but surprise....he came....when it was my turn dancing with him, the teacher announced that it's Aaron's birthday....well, I was standing next to him and I said happy birthday....and I remembered last year that I was with him at this time....Then, I saw him exchanging phone number with a new girl in the class, a cute Chinese girl....I saw how she's happy to give her phone number to him and I thought poor girl, she doesn't know what she's signing up for.....I danced the whole night and I didn't care about him....I wasn't sad anymore when he left without good bye....I didn't care....I just enjoyed dancing....finally, I'm detached from him and I can enjoy just going to class and dance....I felt so good and free.....
yes....this was a long journey and I had to experience it all by myself....
Kevin likes to go to my Buddhism classes and meditate, he asked me for the class info....he likes hiking and starts dancing.....He's not aggressive like Aaron to get me and to call me all the time, although I miss that, but he goes slowly and smoothly....He's so new into my life, and I'm not sure about future, but just knowing that yes, there is somebody out there that I like to spend time with and he will listen to me without making fun of my ideas, is happy feelings....and it brings hope and joy to my life.....
Thanks again to you and my other friends in PC who helped me to go through those really bad times.....
I'm still trying hard to not get attached to people so much....and do what I enjoy to do and help people and forgive them if something goes wrong.....
Thanks
Marjan

P.S. I like to share my experience here, because I can see so many of us are going through same type of relationships and emotions.....guys, there is light at the end of the tunnel.....If even we don't find the one that we want, but still we can work on ourselves and grow as a good human being....it's a long journey and it's rocky sometimes, but we can do it.....

Stills, 1970

If you're down and confused
And you don't remember who you're talkin' to
Concentration slip away
Cause your baby is so far away.
Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with
Love the one you're with
Don't be angry, don't be sad,
Don't sit cryin' over good things you've had,
There's a girl right next to you
And she's just waiting for something you do.
Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with
Love the one you're with
Turn your heartache right into joy
She's a girl, you're a boy,
Get it together make it nice
Ain't gonna need anymore advice.
Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with
Love the one you're with