Rape.. in recovery

i don't know what to do. since i got raped dec 31st. i've been fighting to recover. I've been trying so hard. i was finally happy because i moved schools and that lessened the chance of running into "him" that stupid jerk ughhhh!! ruined my life. It's not fair. so my "friend" well not anymore ovb, well she started going out with him. i just found out today. oh my god i was screaming at her over the internet! i told her what he did to me and she just didn't believe me! she just took his f*cking side on it! i cant believe this. i really didn't want this to happen at all but i guess it did. he scared me. ugh i was trying so hard to just smack some sense into her. like before this! i was finally over my ager phase into recovery and now its back! along with depression and my panic attacks. I just told her i couldn't talk to her anymore and when i was walking up to my room i just started breaking down. I started having a panic attack. it was the worse panic attack i've ever had. I couldn't breathe at all. Tears streaming down my face, i couldn't breathe. I actually thought i was going to die. I just wish I did, So i wouldn't have to deal with this. but weirdly a Hillary Duff song keeps me going. I just need someone to hug me and never ever let go.

Huge hugs from me to you

Safe hugs for you. Did you report this to the police? So sorry this happened to you.

yeah i did an interview in front of a camera like a week after it happened and they're still "investigating"

Sending you lots of cyber hugs. The panic and anger came back because finding out your friend was seeing him brought all that stuff back up. A normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Keep posting sweetie. I am so proud of you for persuing this legally. Your "friend" will find you told the truth the first time she says no. You have done everything humanly possible to stop this guy. Can't stop karma...bad judgement call on her part. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( safe hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm little and can not defend myself against other guys. That evil basturd that raped you deserves death. I have no symphany for that jerk. Allen

thanks guys. thank-you for all the advice and support. I really needed it. i'm basically back to phase one. Time to start over..

hugs coming from me as well. its such a good thing that you are reaching out to everyone on here. you need to remind yourself that it has only been a little over a month... things like this don't ease over in just a few weeks. don't beat yourself up over having to start at phase one "all over again."

keep writing and talking. that is so important. it's when you internalize it and pretend as though nothing even happened that things take a turn for the weird and dangerous. like others have said before me, stay safe, ok?

and she isn't your friend. people do not make up things like rape unless they are COMPLETELY sociopathic or very very sick. she obviously knows you and should know better than to think that you aren't telling anything but the truth.

stay well, stay safe, and keep writing. update us all

Hey there. I'm sorry you have to go through all this. It's not only hard to deal with rape, but to see someone you really care about go into the arms of danger must cause so much anxiety. I'm sure every rape victim knows what it is like for someone to not believe them. I'm sure for every rape, there is someone that stands up for the attacker.

I have a somewhat similar story, but not quite. My ex-boyfriend who I was with when I was 16-17, was quite abusive to me physically and also raped me many times. There's a long story. But a few years ago I saw on Myspace, that he was dating another girl, (whom I didn't know) but I felt I need to tell her the truth about him. So I e-mailed her. She didn't leave him. She's with the "man" to this day and has a child with him. Even though, my friend told me that he's beaten her in front of her own parents.

When you say the police are "investigating", I'm assuming they're not doing anything. They always tell you they will be investigating after you file a report. However, I think we have to pursue the case ourselves if they don't have enough evidence to convict the attacker on the spot. I know for me, I had to get rid of any evidence, bc it just served as a reminder to something I wanted to completely forget. For me, I only went as far as the police report or the court house waiting room. I don't want to have to tell the story over and over, and even more I don't want to see anyone that ever raped me ever again.

You are strong, and I hope you have the courage to go through the whole deal to put him away. The statistics are that only 6% of all rapists (including unreported) ever see a day in prison. And only 16% of all reported rape attackers are convicted. That's because we find it so hard to talk about or tell anyone. So please let your voice be heard to protect you and your friend. Or maybe one day she'll be filing a report on him herself, and that will be even more voices against him.

Jenna is right, this is terrifying and it takes along time to get back to your normal self. Don't try to rush yourself. You are strong to survive what you survived, you don't have to be the strongest recovering. I know you don't want it to control your life, because you think that will give him the power. But you have the right to work through your feelings, for yourself. I go through the anger outbursts, anxiety, hyper-alertness, sadness, pain, extreme fear, numbing, dissociation, avoidance, etc. cycles at least on a weekly basis if not everyday. I don't really see it as completely different phases. I have all the same feelings I had in the beginning, some have just been more intensified during certain times in my recovery. I'm mostly numb and dissociative now, which I know isn't good, but it's better than feeling like a monster, being so angry and feeling violent. But there will still be times you feel angry and that's okay, it's a human emotion and you have a right to feel so angry about what happened to you. Hopefully, you can use that anger to get you to the court room.

Always talk to me hun, just because we dont share a school anymore doesnt mean we rnt bff. Thats what forever means <3ers you *hugs*

heres an update. well ive been doing really good. being more energetic, happy, i smile when i wake up in the morning. but i dont think for a while anymore, here's why.

WELL the police officer that i told the sotry to infrom of a camera phoned my dad and said that they might NOT be able to press charges because i didnt say no. but my psychiatrist told before that even though i didnt say no, doesnt mean i said yes. and she also told me that not being able to say anything or in shock is a normal thing for your body to do at a time like that. plus the police officer didnt even contact my two friends whom i called that exact night. I even showed her the out going calls on my cell and it showed the date and time. All she did was talk to the guy who did it, but he would ovbiously deny it, right? do you guys think thats right?

But anyways, one or two days ago after i got out of the shower a found two bruises on the inside of my legs and its pretty high up.. you think it could be from that night? i mean ive never checked to see if i did have any bruises. think it could be? and should i show my mom them? like could they help with charging him?