Not HIS Responsibility (Grrrr)

What am I to think when he says - Its Not MY Responsibility - when it comes time to eat at night and I have not cooked any thing that particular day, but there is food in the house for every one to eat so they do not starve to death before going to bed?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR -

He works (brings home the $$$) and I do not work due to health & mental issues, therefore, he thinks his job should be over and done with after gets off from work at 5 pm and that I should take care of every thing else to do with the house... especially feeding him, the bread winner.

I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now. I hope that it gets better for you. But those words would set me off too - I'm in the same shoes you are. I'm not able to work do to my sever manic depression (aka being severly bi-polar). I have things planned out for super - but there are things I can't do and he really doesn't want me doing - which is grilling.... If your looking for a good diasaster, ask me to grill you something!! The first time my husband told me that he shouldn't have to fix supper after working all day, I cried for almost two to three days... It put me in a deep depression that took months to crawl out of. I understand that words hurt - and they don't realize that to us they are more than just words. I hope that you were able to salvage the rest of the day and evening.
I understand what you are saying and if you would like to talk you can PM me anytime. I'm almost always on PC checking it out... I have long lonely days and PC fills the void in my life at this time.

Sounds like a communication problem perhaps? I used to work and my BF stayed home and took care of our son and most household chores. He cooked more than I did, he did more laundry than I did, but I never expected him to do ALL the housework. Does your husband expect you to do ALL household chores. That doesn't sound fair to me. There are going to be days that you don't feel like cooking, he doesn't feel like cooking, and the best option is take out or fend for yourself. What does he expect from you and himself?

Yes... I would say that he expects me to take care of ALL the household chores, ex: cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, dust, vacuum, grocery shop, feed the animals, buy household items from Walmart, pay bills and keep the check book - pretty much any thing that is required to keep the house running... out side of making the $$$$ - that's his JOB.

Plus he does the other typical guys things around the house: fix the plumping, repair the a/c unit, kill a spider, reach items to high for me, wash his work cloths when I am really really sick and mow the yard when our son doesn't do it... Oh yeah and he washes his work van.

hmmmmm If it were me I would probably tell him I am on vacation the next time he expects to be waited on. But don't listen to me because I am a troublemaker (but I'm a happy troublemaker )

Oh trust me after almost 30 years with this guy I have taken many many vacations before... some got results some did not.

And while I do not mind doing my part since I am at home more than he is - it wouldn't hurt to get a little help around the house from time to time and not be expected to cook dinner every single night of the week - man I thought I had already put my twenty years in... maybe thats the problem here: I am able to step back and rest (stop if needed) and he is not. hmmmm

Now what? - try to ignore when needed - Eeeek not really.

MEN of PC - What is your take on this?

I don't think this is an exclusively male or female problem. In todays society men and women are really leveling out in terms of employment and salary. I actually read somewhere that on average women are earning more than their male counterparts these days, due to higher college graduation rates. I also read more men are taking on the role of the caretaker of the house and kids while their wives are the sole breadwinners.

I don't know your SO, but I would imagine he looks at it like "She can't take a day to go to work while I hang around the house, why should I take a day to cook while she's been hanging around the house all day while I'm at work?" I'm not saying I agree with that, just that it is one way he could be looking at things.

Relationships take a good amount of compromise on both sides. Whether that compromise is taking time to have a meal ready when your partner gets home, or accepting the fact that there's nothing made and just fixing yourself a sandwich. I don't think it's your job to fix him dinner everyday, but after a hard days work it would probably be nice to come home to it. One hand washes the other, you know?

I would respond to your husband by asking him if he has a piano tied to his posterior.

It sounds like a typical husband / wife relationship. Sorry it is causing you stress.

I hear YOU.......

It is the Ann Landers question: Are you better off with him or without him?

Oh I am defiantly better off with HIM.... I just get frustrated at times (as all married couple do) and need to vent to someone that will listen and maybe give some helpful advice.

BTW - he was wonderful on Valentine's Day - did every thing around the house, even cooked me breakfast... scrambled eggs with cheese and ham, buttered toast with grape jelly, hot tea and a cup of cold chocolate milk.

Life is a Roller Coaster for Sure.

How about if a couple of times a week, you cook enough for 2 nights, and have leftovers? Then that's 2 nights a week you don't have to cook. Just heat the leftovers up. If he doesn't like leftovers, then he could make himself a sandwich or whatever.

It is really strange how these chore divisions arise--like you said your H mows the yard and you do the laundry. Where does that come from--tradition? I used to do stuff like mow the lawn and change the oil in my car, and when I got married, it stayed the same until we had kids. Once I had a baby, he took over the lawn mowing, etc. And I had all the inside chores--I guess so I could be close at hand if baby needed me. The problem is, I would much rather do outside chores than inside chores. Now that I am divorced, I enjoy getting to mow the lawn again. Plus, there's no one to complain if I let the laundry pile up. On the other hand, it is a lot more work to have to do indoors and out!

If you are sick of doing the chores you do (and who wouldn't be), maybe you could propose that you switch some chores for a while. He could do laundry, mopping, dishes, and you do the lawn, take out the garbage, rake the leaves. It may not be less work for you, but maybe it would help you feel less bored and stuck with the same old chores. Good for morale.

imo household chores is called 'life'.

i may not be bringing in money atm, but am working all day nonetheless. yes, i can take a coffee break when i want, but my 'job' has no office hours, no weekends, no official leave, no year-end bonus. i have no colleagues to congratulate me when i do something well, nor an underling to shout at when things need to get done haha.

my 'job' starts when my eyes open in the morning and finishes when they close at night. the one thing i have always expected the husband to do is take the rubbish out, whether i'm working or not. he can barely remember to do that. i wash the dishes, cook the supper, clean the house, look after the kids, even mow the lawn... to top it all off i am no martha stewart. housework is really not my thing. he did buy me a dishwasher to ease the load tho LOL

jobs can come and go. they fulfill a lovely role of providing money, but there are many ways to make money. but you have to clean your living space no matter who's coming for dinner and your spouse should be the one who will be with you until the day you die. both should be cared for and nurtured every day... _that's_ life. that's _life_.

glad to hear you had a good valentine's

I would of given anything to of had what you had in my first marriage, I did everything including the 'typical male role' of fixing things including the car.

I was brought up in the way you are living with my dad going to work bringing in the money and fixing things in the house. While mum did the shopping cooking and cleaning.

I really don't see anything wrong with it but as I said its how I was brought up.

I don't mind doing what I do - its the saying he quotes "ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY" that is the problem... it just gets under my skin so bad as I would like to know what exactly is his responsibility out side of bring home the bacon.

Back in the day when I was in my twenties (i am 42 now) I use to do most of the household chores and the outside yard stuff and I loved doing it, but over time I developed quit a few medical problems that make it almost impossible for me to be in the sun for to long - let along for me to perform strenuous chores or exercise for more than ten minutes with out great consequences to my body and health.

I guess I am venting out load as I would like to have a little help around the house some times and I would like it if I was not attacked verbally (as it hurts emotionally) on the days I choose not to cook.

Guess I might have to go back to Wednesdays being my day off... its just hard at times to say this particular day is my day off as my medical problems may dictate a different day - then what. *sigh*

Any ways... Thanks for offering an ear and a shoulder to lean on.