[justBE]

I've been a very negative thinker for most of my life. I admit I'm very pessimistic. It's affected my relationship quite a lot. I'm seeing a therapist at the moment, and it's going great. But of course, I can't see her every day so there's times where I'm left alone to myself.

And this is when the problem begins. If I'm not doing anything, let's say watching a boring tv show, I will start thinking. Too much. Did I say I overanalyze everything too? Anyway, it's like my mind gets to me and I start torturing myself with horrible thoughts, most that concern my relationship. I'm in my first real relationship, we hit a year a little while ago, and it's scary for me, as any first love is. It's like I'm a hazard to myself. I just drive myself nuts with horrible thoughts of us ending and crap like that. And I don't know how to stop it. I start getting panicky and nervous and it just affects me all around.

If anyone is going through the same thing, please feel free to share. Any advice is appreciated. I feel so crazy for feeling like this.

[rob2244]

I know how you feel. I have the same issues with over analyzing but mine are not limited to just to my ralationships. The more I think about things the more they turn negative. I'm here also looking for answers. It does help knowing that you are not the only with these issues. I haven't seen a therapist yet. I'm scheduled to see one in mid March. Wow, that's a really long time. Anyway, day by day. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.....Rob

[Junerain]

I overanalyze also.....I tend to read into things that are not there...

Congratulations on hitting a year.....as much as things hurt on the INSIDE...they are probably going at least okay on the OUTSIDE

[justBE]

Thank you guys so much for replying.

Rob2244, mine definitely aren't limited only to be relationships either. But it's where it gets really bad. March will be here before you know it! I hope you find a great therapist, it really does help.

Junerain, thank you it's amazing even to myself that we've been together for a year. As with any relationship, we have our issues but we're working on them.

[sadden]

justBe, thanks for talking about your thoughts. I can identify with the overanalyzing and ruminating. Your relationship sounds special. Can you talk with your partner about your thoughts? You said you two were working on issues together, and I know if I talk to my partner when I am "spinning", it helps me. Just an idea.

[justBE]

Yeah I've spoken to him about the issues we have. But when I start having those self-destructive, Omg what if we break up, sort of thoughts I don't. My therapist advised me not to because she feels he might take it another way and that would bring a huge issue out and about. I feel like he would too.

I'm starting to rethink that though, I've found that in the past when I've felt anxious and panicky like I get now, over other non-relationship related things, I feel 10x better after letting it out to him. I just don't know if I should take that route with this situation.

Take a look at these, justBE: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=108173

[justBE]

Thank you for that thread. I can definitely relate to those distortions.

How are you doing, justBe?

[Life10]

You need to let urself live life stop being so negative...I know it may be hard but sometime an individual needs a new surrounding, new things to do, if you repeat the same things it tends to get old and depressing. My brother girlfriend is like u she negative but because everyone around her is negative. Just breathe and enjoy things stop thinking that it causes stress. Love is the best thing to experience but can also be the worst experience the thing is people dont understand that if you never been in a serious relationship it is scary that first one but once the heartache happens or should happen then its tend to be easier you know. I hope everything works out..i am hear if you need to talk...

[justBE]

Thebyzantine, I'm doing surprisingly good. This is the first Saturday night that I've had where I haven't been triggered in a while. Thanks for asking.

Life10, yeah the negativity definitely needs to stop. But it's easier said than done. And it's statements such as "once the heartache happens" that gets to me, I start worrying over my relationship and overanalyzing every little thing. Thanks for the advice.

[Eros' Psyche]

Wow, did I just write this post? LOL. Sounds just like me, except that I'm in my second long term relationship.

I have anxiety. Not attacks. That kinda anxiety where you take your thoughts, AND RUN WITH THEM. One little thought, which starts out as as nothing more than innocent, can turn into the most horrible story in less than 5 minutes.

As of now, I haven't quite figured out THE ANSWER to this problem. But let me tell you this:

1. Thinking in such ways could make you turn your radar up REAL high, thus making you hypersensitive to finding and recognizing words and actions of others that will somewhat FULFILL your negative thoughts, proving you "right" (even if you're NOT right, you might THINK that you are). (E.G.: One time I found my b/f's underwear in the living room on the sofa (he NEVER undresses in the living room), and I know he went out with his friend the night before, so I WONDERED if they took girls back to his place and he had sex with someone else. Yes, this actually happened to me once, and I really had this thought. Yet my b/f of 2 yrs. has NEVER given me any true reasons to believe that he is or was cheating on me. I'm not stupid. I logically know that he didn't sleep with anyone. I never had a feeling. Our relationship was going PERFECTLY AT THAT TIME. And what did that do? I tried to keep my negative thoughts/anxiety in, but it caused some tension on that day b/c I ended up bringing it up. It blew over fast, but in the longrun, things like this DO affect relationships. Some people never forget stuff like this-- like my b/f-- and it will come back to bite you and your relationship in the butt.)

2. I believe that the only way to change such thoughts is getting some form of CBT. Now, I have a psychotherapist and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her, and she's helped me SO much so far, but she doesn't do CBT. I hear a lot of good things about it, though. Seems as if you might have to consciously re-train the patterns of your thoughts. I don't know how true or real this is, but I BELIEVE that certain ways and patterns of thinking started a long time ago for a lot of us, and that they are burned into our brains. It's just a bad habit. We gotta learn how to break them somehow. Retrain our brains.

3. In my OPINION, (and from my experience), telling your boyfriend about your issues of thinking negative things and worrying that the relationship will fail... will only backfire on you and cause harm to the relationship. Why? Because while you can talk to him about things, is he TRULY going to understand what's going on, and think to himself, "Hey, she just has issues with negative thoughts... she thinks we're gonna end miserably, but that's OK, I understand." It's easier said than done. You might make him feel as if you're not trusting the relationship, not trusting him, not trusting that your relationship is strong enough, not trusting that he loves you and cares for you, and so on. I don't know if this will happen to every relationship, but I think it's happened to mine (going through some issues right now w/ my b/f).

Anyway, I'm glad you posted this, and look forward to hearing more responses. I really think that this is an issue that you (and people like us) have to CONSCIOUSLY work on, on a day-to-day basis. Good luck.

EDIT: One more thing! I tend to think that if I worry about "WHAT IF's" right now, then it wouldn't be so hard for me if those "what if's" really do happen. Well, I was WRONG. Don't waste your time dwelling on the what if's. If they do happen, then you deal with them when the time comes. Believe me, worrying about them NOW when they DO NOT EXIST does NOTHING for your quality of life. You don't have to be ignorant as to the what if's, either. It's normal to know that bad things can possibly happen. But it's what you DO with that knowledge that matters. You think it once and say, "Oh well, only time will tell. Things are good now, so there's no point in worrying," IS THE RIGHT WAY. But if you take your thoughts, your anxiety, and RUN WITH THEM, then that's where you're messing up. I know, I know, it's hard. But if you don't work on these issues now, believe me, you'll be dealing with them for so long one day, that you're just gonna say, you know what, F-this. I know it's happened to many people, and I'm kinda going through that now. But no one should have to wait until they're ready to burst from unhapiness and misery. I hope you can fix things now, before they get worse.

GL!

[justBE]

Eros' Psyche, oh my god! WOW! I couldn't stop nodding as I read your reply in agreement with everything you said. We must be twins lol!

It really does all start with one little thought that manifests into this complete nightmare. That's exactly how it is for me. I have had moments where I start obsessing over one thought and try to justify it by looking at everything else negatively. My boyfriend has gotten the worst end of the stick when it comes to that, a current issue I'm working on.

I have a therapist too and I absolutely love working with her too. I can talk to my friends and family, but there's nothing like getting help from a therapist.

Yes, I keep going in circles about that. I know he won't completely understand it. I know there's a big chance that he'll take everything completely wrong and it'll end up in a big fight or worse. The most he knows of how I've felt is that I've been a little scared and nervous in our relationship, especially when we hit the one year mark because it was like WOW, a year! Aha.

This is the part where I just...COMPLETELY agreed with you! This is EXACTLY what I do. I try to "prepare" myself for the worst, not even knowing what the worst really is! I drive myself crazy with all the what if's and the "this could happen" and "that could happen". I'm definitely not ignorant, and I know there's a possibility that my boyfriend and I could break up, but it's like I try to suffer the pain of a possible breakup NOW so that if it happens, it won't hurt as bad. It's completely crazy and doesn't even make sense now that I type it.

Thank you SO much for replying. Seriously. You were really insightful and understanding. And I like paragraphs lol.