[seeker1950]

Being wounded from rejection by a loved one, or some other form of hurt, is very painful. There are a myriad of self-help books on the market (Just look at Amazon.com!) to help one get over emotional pain. There are also support groups, like "Rebuilding," and CODA (Codependents anonymous). Some people look for a therapist, but my experience with it has been not very helpful. I actually had one female therapist laugh at me when I was expressing painful feelings!
My feelings about my current mental state (which is improving!) has a been that I got myself into this latest mess, resulting in hurt, and must give myself time to recover. And, I don't have to tell you all here, it is damn hard work! I don't intend to wallow in it forever; life is too precious and short!
The thing I have found most significant in recovery is TIME! There is truth in the saying, "Time heals all wounds." When the wound is fresh, and the pain is unbearable (in my case....several months!), I asked myself, MY GOD, how much longer can I continue to feel this way?! At that stage, I was looking for help online, reading articles, advice columns, buying way too many of those books from Amazon, but desperately trying to heal myself. Now, I am just feeling the benefit of precious time and distance, and things are finally getting better.
Another thing I want to mention is the aspect of age. At 54, I am not nearly as resilient as I was at 23. I liken that to our ability to heal from physical scrapes much faster when we are younger. In my experience, it takes much, much longer as we get older, thus, making us more cautious. I suspect some people become so cautious, building a shell of self-protection around themselves, that they never open up again. I often feel that way.
I would like to hear others' opinions on the aspect of healing.
Seeker

[(JD)]

Time is a great healer. There are those who utilize that time better than others, imo. Those who do nothing to grow will not progress anywhere near those who use that time to learn and share and receive insight from others. What you are discussing is the basis of the age old maxim: youth is wasted on the young. It was not appropriate for that T to laugh at that time, imo. Some of our mental states do not require time, but action! We can, at any age, be resistant to face what needs to be done, or thought!

[seeker1950]

Yes, Sky, I have been working very hard to move beyond this.
I have done a lot of reading also about the stages of grief as a result of loss of a loved one, either thru death or end of a relationship, and one of the stages is "Anger." Recently, thoughts of indignation, insult, and even anger have entered my thinking. I don't like this, and feel it akin to a "cancer of the soul," It is not my nature to have such feelings, and I'm uncomfortable with them, but having done much reading, I also recognize that it is a "stage." I am remembering (without the romantic delusion) how I was treated, bedded though he knew he didn't want an emotional connection and treated with indifference when I expressed my feelings.
Prior to this stage of "anger," I thought I would continue to think of this person fondly after letting go. Now, I don't think I will!
I see as one of my "flaws" that it takes me a very long time to process this kind of experience. I give the person way too much benefit of the doubt before finally reaching clarity in thinking.
Seeker

[Artist]

seeker you seem to be on the right path. time does help and doing something about it helping yourself to heal is always a great idea. How social are you? Have you thought of just getting out with a couple of girlfriends on a Friday night and kicking up your heals. Do some dancing and some flirting? i find getting out and doing something with a group helps a lot.

[seeker1950]

I'm not much into that, Artist...getting out with girlfriends and kicking up my heels. Actually, most of my gal friends are married, and the one who isn't is a Lesbian, LOL...not me!, though we are good friends.I actually do like staying home and working on my art foremost...not much opportunity for meeting people in that mindset, I acknowledge. Right now, just concentrating on my classes, and healing.
Seeker

[Artist]

OK Then take a class go to a lecture meet some single woman that do kick it now and then. Hell get a married woman to go out with you for a girls night out. trust me I know how it is to just get lost in your art. But for me I am a much better artist / human if I have some balance in my life. I use to work with a lesbian woman. before she found her partner she would take me to the local lesbian bars. Chris and I always had fun. If i lived closer I would take you out drinking and dancing. As a friend only. You could point out the hot girls i should meet and i could point out the hot guys for you. Now does your Lesbian friend know any hot bi ladies? who wants to meet an artist? You Know every mans fantasy. ( Please note only kidding) things can get to heavy around here. I'm sure one of these days I'll get band. Oh well until then take every thing i say with good cheer and I the spirit of love.

[seeker1950]

Artist, I can't even think about going out to bars right now....so foreign to my nature. I've never felt comfortable in that environment....I'm too spiritual, I guess. Actually, I think of a woman over 50 going to a bar in the hopes of meeting a man as kind of degrading. Men are not there to meet someone my age!!!
I would not object to a date taking me to a bar for an evening, and, in fact, it might be educational to see how he behaved, but for looking for prospective partners...not a good thing, in my opinion.
Where to meet men????
Seeker

[Artist]

I did not say to go there to meet some guy but to kick up your heels and have some fun. I am very spiritual and find a night or two good for the soul. It doesn't have to be some nasty rock and roll club. It's not about picking up guys or being picked up it is about you and letting that wild woman in you to come out and play. it is about you feeling good and having fun. find your own path but amke sure it isa social path. a place you have to innteract with people. Maybe a nice jazz club with a no sMoking rule. I hate smoke. find an outlet that you can move your body and let your spirit soar.
by the way didn't you know that all the young guys are hitting on mature woman now? I think i read that in people mag? Anyway it is making it hell for us older guys. At least the ones who don't have any money. again take this with a light Heart.

[seeker1950]

I don't even know any woman in my age group who really want to do that, Seeker. The most I do occasionally is go to the "Mountaineer Opry House" alone to listen to Bluegrass music, LOL! That place is non alcoholic and filled with old men in bib overalls and women with blue hair!, but very safe, and the music is great.
Seeker

[Artist]

Geez you think those old men in bibb overalls are safe oh poor Naive Seeker. Have you ever heard Nichol Creek? I love thier approach to blue grass.

[seeker1950]

Oh, yes, what gifted young musicians...I think they are all prodigies! I have their first CD.
The old men in bib overalls and the old ladies with blue hair invite me to sit and chat with them!!!
Seeker

[Artist]

first they invite you to chat then they ask if you would like a taste of their "shine" You better be careful of those old geezers.
there is another blue grass band i like "String Cheese Incident" every odd name but really good music. they play a lot in the Rockie Mountains at different ski resorts.

[seeker1950]

I don't know about String Cheese, but will check them out! I'm listening to Nickel Creek as I carve "prehistoric hands" into my clay jar for ceramics class tomorrow!
Feelin' good!~
Seeker

[seeker1950]

My feelings about my experience seem to be moving from insult and indignance now to REVULSION! when I think of my time in the company of the man. I'm surprised to be feeling this way, but as the scenarios of the two of us together replay in my memory, I am seeing more and more injustice and have felt humiliated from it for a long time now.
I realized I was feeling revulsion today, when walking across the M.U. campus, I realized if I saw him by chance, I would go out of my way to avoid him, do not want to speak to him, much less chat.
I have felt revulsion after recovering from other relationships since my divorce of 8 years ago. I didn't think it would happen in my thoughts of this man. Maybe it is my way of getting over it....I just know, if it comes, it is with finality, and I will not care a whit about him after I have processed these feelings.
Has anyone else experienced this cycle? I recognize it as a recurring theme with me.
Seeker